In “piece of information included in passing that we’re contractually obligated to cover” news:

[Minnesota Twins star Justin] Morneau has been taking infield before every game, and said he also expects to be play some first base before that series in Milwaukee.

“I’ve been over there, trying to keep myself in shape, my legs in shape, and to stay sharp for whenever I get out there,” Morneau said. “It’s just a matter of time.”

Morneau entered Saturday’s game hitting .231 with a homer and two doubles, and said he’s still trying to adjust to serving as designated hitter. He said Thursday that he plans on calling former Twins DH Jim Thome for advice. (via MLB.com)

That call, presented in its entirety, is today’s edition of The Dugout: Opening Days ’12.

[h/t to Matt Dillon]

Read the rest of this entry »

Here’s a fun little factoid for you crazy sports fans out there: athletes tend to buy really expensive houses. Who would have thunk it, right? Well it turns out that in a lot of cases, when athletes retire or change teams, they sell those houses and then people have an opportunity to take a look inside and see how the 1% really lives. And I’m almost always disappointed by the lack of bearsharktopus cages. Step your game up, so-called ballers.

Yesterday, the Cookie Kwans at Realtor.com posted some of the latest listings of current and former Major League Baseball players, and while there wasn’t anything too crazy, it was still pretty interesting. For instance, I can’t quite wrap my brain around how a guy could invest a quarter of his 5-year, $80 million salary into a home purchase, but then again nobody has yet to accept my challenge of giving me $80 million just to see how fast I can blow it. Offer still stands, billionaires. Let’s get this done.

Search for your dream home after the jump, you silly cash cows.

Read the rest of this entry »

If real life carried hashtags, there would be a big #whitepeopleproblems at the end of every story about David Ortiz flipping his bat after a home run and pissing off the Yankees. The way people have been reacting you’d think he flipped his bat, punched Mark Teixeira in the dick on the way around, blew a kiss to A.J. Burnett on his way past third and toppled a makeshift set of Red Sox-played bowling pins as he pantomimed an exploding bomb at home plate. Nope, he basically just did what he always did, and even the smallest charismatic outbursts must be smothered to death by Major League Baseball.

Before you read today’s Dugout, click the hashtag up there and catch up on the story. When you’re done, be sure to hop over to Facebook and “like” The Dugout, so you can have an additional page on the Internet where I’m begging you to leave comments.

Today’s Dugout follows.

Read the rest of this entry »

We hold these truths about Craig Sager to be self-evident: (1) he is far cooler than any sideline reporter on the planet, and (2) zoo animals need to be sedated if they see his wardrobe.  So when Jonathan Papelbon hit Sager with a big blast of champagne ejaculate after the Red Sox beat the Angels, I shed no tears for Sager’s pumpkin blazer.

Seriously, Craig: we see you.  You’re speaking on TV.  We already think you’re cool because you’re married to a much-younger former NBA dance team member.  It’s time to buy a gray suit.  If you want to wear tacky, flashy clothes, then find a job as a gay pop musician.  We could use more of those.

[Red Sox Monster]

AL — The Red Sox clinched a playoff berth by beating Cliff Lee and the Indians 5-4.  Jonathan Papelbon notched his 41st save, then soaked David Ortiz with a big blast.  Of champagne, that is.  Then they had lots of gay sex… Javier Vazquez, chastised by manager Ozzie Guillen for not being a big-game pitcher, went out and delivered four innings of five-run ball as the Twins cruised to a 9-3 victory that pulled them to within 1½ games of the division lead.  Way to motivate your guy, Ozzie…  The Rays got their first-ever doubleheader sweep, dropping their magic number to two… Oh, and the Yankees are officially out of the playoff race. **pops champagne**

NL — A heroic outing from Johan Santana got the Mets to within a game and a half of the Phillies (who lost to the Braves), thus sparking some faint hope in Mets fans’ hearts, which will make their ultimate collapse so much more painful.  Sorry New Yorkers, but you know it’s true.

Bloggers are losing their shit today over this video of Jonathan Papelbon in drag and performing the climactic scene in Dirty Dancing. Larry Brown Sports has a painfully long five-minute version of this video, while I saw this tolerable two-minute version at Awful Announcing.

And that’s all it is: tolerable. It might have been funny if we weren’t subjected to the reactions of all the Red Sox players.  It’s like a horrible laugh track.  “OH MY GOD, he’s dressed like a GIRL!  He doesn’t take himself seriously!  He probably doesn’t even call gay people fags!  What a fag!”

I’m sorry, but where I come from it’s no big deal for young men to wear women’s clothing.  Where I come from being “Drama Club.”