It looks like the Miami sports community has learned from its mistakes; after assuming that signing all the best players would win them a championship in basketball, Miami has taken a different route with the Marlins and will be signing all the best players to win them a championship in baseball. The play-by-play, from birther John Heyman:

hearing #Marlins boosted offer to pujols to 10 years, matching arod’s in length. they are obvs pushing hard.

everybody should have been convinced after reyes for $106M, but this is no publicity stunt by #marlins. #pujols, #perfect10

#marlins strong pursuit of pujols realistically has winnowed the field for pujols to them and incumbent #cardinals.

Cardinals have been resistant to upgrade pujols bid. With marlins strong push, they have tough decision to make.

Yes, they do, almost as tough a decision as whether or not to write the phrase “winnowed the field” anywhere on your Twitter.

As Heyman notes, this 10-year offer to the secretly-31-and-a-half-year old Pujols comes on the heels of the 6-year, 106 million deal for Jose Reyes, so we need to go ahead and get comfortable with the Miami Marlins being a thing … at least a bloated, gangly thing that smells like a National Leagues Red Sox and looks hilarious finishing behind Aramis Ramirez (or whoever) and the Phillies next season.

With the Major League Baseball winter meetings under way in Dallas, this surprisingly stagnant free agency period is hopefully about to get a lot more entertaining. When the Miami Marlins are providing the only real excitement by signing Jose Reyes and overpaying Heath Bell, we’ve got a problem. Hell, I was at least hoping that 4 or 5 teams would be running smear campaigns against each other for the sake of signing Prince Fielder. But nope, bunch of jerks running these teams.

Thankfully, we have journalists like Jon Heyman, of Sports Illustrated and Scott Boras’ supple teat fame, who strapped a car battery to the testicles of this week’s meetings with a Tweet that would make Donald Trump proud.

If albert pujols wants to beat $200M 9-yr cardinals offer, he should produce birth certificate. skepticism abounds over 31 claim

Ah yes, the age thing again. You see, Albert Pujols is from the Dominican Republic, so he is most certainly lying about his age. It’s just like how all Iranians are terrorists, Greek men have sex with sheep and the Irish are all drunks. OK, maybe that last one is a bad example. But Heyman’s accusation – which echoes that of Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria – is pretty ballsy.

Let’s pretend for a minute that Pujols isn’t 31-years old. Let’s also go ahead and assume that he’s completely loaded up on steroids and HGH like some ignorant baseball fans like to believe to make themselves feel better about their teams sucking. Wouldn’t someone out there, some young, hungry bloodhound journalist, be trying desperately to reveal the truth? You know, instead of Tweeting it like a keyboard hard ass?

Read the rest of this entry »