What’s the best way to celebrate UFC Light Heavyweight Champion Jon ‘Bones’ Jones, a man so intensely athletic that he can cause his own toe to twist off like a bottle cap and still win a fight? By having the least athletic person you know, possibly yourself, put every food item within 20 feet onto a sandwich role and call it the Bones Jones.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Bones Jones.

Ingredients – salami, ham, habanero nacho cheese, country fried bacon, habanero pickles, chipotle mayo, and fried Mac n cheese bites! On a toasted sub!

I’m (somewhat predictably) not a fan of the Epic Meal Time gag, so I’m even less of a fan of the Epic Meal Time also-rans. There’s comedy in wrapping a full-sized, living cow in bacon slices and dropkicking it into a microwave or whatever, but there’s a fine line between “here’s an hilarious thing to eat” entertainment piece and just being a grotesque motherf**ker who eats everything he owns in a pile.

I really want to see Spilly improve the Bones Jones by adding Play-Doh to it.

[h/t to Middle Easy]

UFC 159 went down tonight, and we’ve got your quick and dirty results.

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“Witness a man’s dream of becoming a champion be demolished.” – Jon Jones

UFC Light Heavyweight Champion Jon Jones and his UFC 159 opponent Chael Sonnen have a great history of exchanging unkind words. When Sonnen made the jump to the light heavyweight division last year, he immediately wanted a shot at the title, because he’s a confident guy and that’s pretty typical. Leading up to UFC 151, Sonnen predicted that Dan Henderson would defeat Jones, and that if “there’s anything left of him” he’d still like to fight Jones.

Jones’ response to Sonnen’s prediction was less than kind, as he said that Sonnen fought like a child against Anderson Silva, before calling him a coward and a cheater. Henderson, of course, pulled out of 151 with an injury just days before the event was scheduled to go down, and even with Sonnen offering to take his place, Jones refused and the entire PPV was canceled.

Long story short, the two were named the coaches for The Ultimate Fighter 17 and tomorrow night they face each other in the main event at UFC 159 at the Prudential Center in Newark, New Jersey. And while Sonnen has been actually singing Jones’ praises this week, Jones Tweeted that this is all Sonnen is going to see…

If anything, this PPV has given us one of my favorite promotional commercials of all-time, as the Chael Sonnen voiceover ads have had me cracking up for the past month. They’ve gotten to the point that I’ll be ordering food and I’ll say, “There’s a name for the person who’s about to eat this sandwich and it’s CHAEL SONNEN.” You have to be there. The waitress laughs every time.

As for the rest of the fight card, you can chiggity check it below and read our own Lobster Mobster’s handy dandy fight primer to prepare. Join us tomorrow night starting at 8 PM ET for the preliminary fights on FX and 10 PM ET for the PPV fights.

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Chael Sonnen is now three days away from his Light Heavyweight Championship match against Jon ‘Bones’ Jones at UFC 159. Yesterday, we shared the pre-fight conference call, wherein Chael eschewed his traditional spew of wordy hatred to lovingly cradle Jon Jones’ reputation in his arms and gently kiss its forehead. We wondered what was up with Chael, and reader Iron Mike Sharpie put it best when he said he reads Sonnen’s comments as, “Please don’t put me in a coma, okay?”

That overwhelming sense of “what the f**k are you doing” continued on SportsCenter, where an interview with Sonnen started with his totally normal white person request to touch the reporter’s hair and ended in a WWE-style promo so sing-songy it could’ve come from the mouth of The Rock himself. You know, if Rock could say that many words in a row without having to stop and catch his breath.

Here’s the clip. Warning: If you are Jon Jones, this is somehow going to make you even less scared.

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Chael Sonnen has a big fight coming up on the 27th at UFC 159 against UFC Light Heavyweight Champion Jon ‘Bones’ Jones. About now is when you’d expect The American Gangster to go Full Chael Sonnen and start cutting promos about how he could beat Bones with both arms and a leg tied behind his back. About how if the fight goes longer than a round he’ll take off his fightshorts and eat them in front of New Jersey. After all, when Jones refused to fight him on short notice at UFC 151, Sonnen called Bones every name he could think of, from “bratty, entitled kid” to “chicken shhhh.”

Sorry. You aren’t getting that this time. This time, they’re BFF.

To get you hyped for UFC 159, here’s a paragraph of transcript from the pre-fight conference call featuring Chael kissing Jon’s ass so hard he might force a ref stoppage. Either that, or Sonnen’s trying to work in Chuck Norris jokes facetiously.

“As great as Jon is, I don’t think he understands how good he is. For him to pay tribute to Mike Tyson and Muhammad Ali earlier was a very nice thing for him to do. The reality is, Jon Jones could beat up Mike Tyson and Muhammad Ali in the same day. And when he says he wants to be the best ever – Jon, news flash, buddy – you are the best. As far as tying Tito Ortiz, yeah maybe he had a couple more wins, but he hasn’t had the competition that you’ve faced. He’s the world champion, he’s the best in the weight class and he’s the best the weight class has ever seen.”

That’s all well and good, but someone made the mistake of asking Chael to compare Bones and Anderson Silva.

Remember back at UFC 117, when Chael Sonnen faced Anderson Silva, submitted to a triangle armbar and lost the fight? Remember the rematch at UFC 148, when Chael went for a spinning backfist and fell on his ass, allowing Silva to just kinda stiff arm him against the cage and punch him in the head until the ref stopped the fight? Chael Sonnen doesn’t!

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Chael Sonnen, on Jon Jones:

“I have friends on the card. I have fighters who and scratching and clawing their way through the undercard to the prelims, even the main card guys … their whole future depends on the check that they were gonna earn for doing their job next week. That’s all been taken away from them, because one selfish brat didn’t want to go in there and fight. You know, I just don’t understand it. I don’t understand how you could put yourself in front of the company and the industry. … He’s with Nike, Nike should change their motto with Jon Jones to ‘Just Do Nothing’.”

Jon Jones, on Chael Sonnen:

“The things you say about me hold absolutely no weight, you disrespected Anderson and his country but fought like a child. If you’re going to disrespect me out of nowhere, at least disrespect me to my face like a man. And you call me a punk, I’m more man than you’ll ever be. #Coward #Cheater. You’re not worth my time. Earn a title shot instead of trying to talk your way into one and I’ll be glad to hurt you.”

They’ve got a title fight set for April 27th and have been named as opposing coaches for the next season of ‘The Ultimate Fighter’. This is serious business, and shit’s about to go down. Here’s a picture of them palling around at Thanksgiving, taking cheesy holiday pictures.

Wait, what?

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