If ever there was an argument against universal health care, perhaps it’s the story of Paul Mason, a British man who currently weighs in at approximately 420-pounds. But Mason’s original claim to fame was the title of the World’s Fattest Man, a feat that was once recognized by the Guinness Book of World Records when the bloke weighed a ridiculous 980-pounds. That’s whole lotta fish n’ chips, guvna.

But good for him, right? After all, it must take a lot of incredibly hard work and $5 dollar footlongs to shed 560-pounds. Of course not, because Mason took the easy road and had gastric bypass surgery last year. Now here’s the fun part – Mason’s surgery cost about $47,000 and the government’s National Health Service footed the bill. In all, Mason’s surgeries have cost taxpayers roughly $1.5 million and he wants the government to continue to pay for every last nip and tuck, including fat fold removals.

Following surgery which reduced his weight to 37 stone by the beginning of 2011, Mason was reportedly set to sue the NHS, not for any complications with the operation but because he blamed the NHS for not helping him control his weight. According to the Daily Mail, Mason said “I want to set a precedent so no one else has to get to the same size.” Instead of taking personal responsibility for his weight gain Mason believed the NHS was at fault for sending him to a dietitian rather than an eating disorder specialist.

(Via the Digital Journal, via the HuffPo.)

See, this is the drawback to world records. As much as I love to draw attention to ridiculous people and competitive events, they still give guys like Mason undeserved fame. And now to make matters worse, this convicted felon – he used to be a mailman but was busted for stealing money from people’s private letters – wants to act like he’s the champion of lard asses.

So I have a solution that benefits all of us – Guinness can still award people the titles of Fattest Man and Fattest Woman, but the record keepers will also allow people like me to have a bigger platform with which to make fun of them. I’m thinking a huge roast. Mainly so I can say, “A huge roast. You’d like that, wouldn’t you, you fat f*ck.”

I wanted to save it for my first TNA iMPACT! review, but I might go ahead and call this week’s installment of the column the “Worst and Worst of WWE Raw.” There are a few things keeping me from enjoying the show, and they are

1. I was incapacitated last week with a viral infection of my intestines, which ended up basically poisoning me and putting me in the hospital for three days. I didn’t do a Best and Worst last week but I watched the show, and all I can really remember is morphine and an extremely white guy retiring.

2. I spent this weekend in Philadelphia at CHIKARA’s King of Trios tournament, which included (in one place or another) the Great Sasuke, Jinsei Shinzaki, Dick Togo, Manami Toyota, Akira Tozawa, Archibald Peck of “The Band” and a handful of guys from Osaka Pro, including a Japanese Spider-man. It’s hard to go from three days of amazing wrestling to two hours of unentertaining entertainment.

3. Raw is awful.

I’m sure next week will pick back up, but here we go. I apologize in advance.

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Danny MacAskill is a world famous BMX rider, or so I’m told, because I don’t know the first thing about competitive riding other than yelling “OHHHHHHHHHH!” whenever someone busts their ass during the X-Games. Nevertheless, after watching some of his videos and giggling endlessly over his name, I have a newfound respect for MacAskill’s work because he’s both incredibly creative and a royal badass.

His latest efforts involved a ride from Edinburgh to his hometown Dunvegan, in the Isle of Skye, which sounds like something from World of Warcraft. I don’t know that personally because I don’t play games on my computer. I use it for blogging and tracking my pushups. I did 6,000 this morning. In 2 minutes. Each key I strike on this keyboard cries out in pain. But I digress.

The video footage of MacAskill’s ride, which was sponsored by Red Bull, is pretty awesome, especially his flips in front of Edinburgh Castle. You can read Danny’s Q&A on his ride here and you can also view the “Way Back Home” ride on the next page, as well as a little collection of his highlights that I gathered from the Interwebs… WHILE DRINKING MOUNTAIN DEW!
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