From Twitter, where the right teenager can say “hamburger” and make it a Worldwide Trending Topic:

And such is the aftermath of LudaDay Weekend, the Labor Day festivities at the Morehouse Forbes Arena in Atlanta featuring a charity basketball game championed by the black star of white movies and a 17-year old Canadian pop singer who looks like Kim Darby circa True Grit and commands more instant, teary-eyed response than any popular basketball player. The event raised $10,000 for charity, and at first you’re like “oh, okay, that’s cool” and then you realize Bieber probably paid $10,001 for his Hummer limo ride to the game.

Regardless, it’s nearly impossible to find pictures of Chris Paul or Kevin Durant from this game unless they’re in Bieb’s background, so check out this mini-gallery of pictures courtesy of Gossip Center and try to find your favorites. Also, if you go to Gossip Center you can watch a video of Bieber emulating Steve Nash’s crossover and jumping almost one inch off the ground for a lay-up while his 17-year old Chinese girlfriend Knives Chau claps along happily from the sidelines.

Two things to note as you flip through the gallery:

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Sports

John Wall Claims Another Set of Ankles - Watch the world’s worst pitcher playing a sport he’s good at. Whenever I read headlines like this I think of Fallout 3, and picture John Wall murdering somebody with The Terrible Shotgun before searching them and taking their ankles. I, uh, am probably running the wrong blog. [Smoking Section]

Your Favorite Wrestlers: Brandon Stroud - The Wrestling Blog’s TH posted his 25 favorite wrestlers ever, so I had to contribute my esoteric, elitist top 5. Click through for a guy dressed as a zoo animal, a skinny fat guy with a platinum mullet from 25 years ago and VADER. [The Wrestling Blog]

Sports Cards For Insane People: Fleer’s ‘Emotion’ Set, The Gas Station Cologne Of Baseball Cards - I’m pretty sad remembering things like this. Fleer’s ‘Emotion’ is like the polybagged, gatefold cover of the 90s baseball card world. Disclaimer: Don’t listen to anything Bois says about Cal Ripken, he’s a Braves fan and thinks that “class” stuff about literally every pitcher or utility infielder they’ve ever had. [SBN]

Just Your Basic Amateur MMA Fight Breaking Out at a Russian Dolphin Pool - I could only think of two things while watching this: “be careful, you’re going to hurt a dolphin” and “why don’t you stand slightly farther away from the pool”. It’s weird to see a fight video with zero fat people present. [Film Drunk]

With Leather

The Best and Worst of WWE Raw 8/1 - You can tell these are starting to get popular because the casual crowd is coming around, and I’m starting to get comments from casual readers who skim. Pretty soon the comments are just going to be disconnected recaps from people who didn’t read at all and Internet PR chumps shilling their websites. [With Leather]

The NBA Is Totally Screwed - Man, I’m glad nothing like this could ever happen in baseball. [With Leather]

Kate Upton Is Now My PCs Wallpaper - She’s the one thing I know for sure won’t give me a virus. If you needed incentive to click this in, people have started pointing out nipple slips in the video. And at one point the cow turns to the camera and says “eh, it’s a livin’!” [With Leather]

Craig Counsell Is the Worst - For some reason, the Brewers brought in 58-year old Counsell to pinch run in the 11th inning. His box score reads 0-0, which is philosophically an improvement. [With Leather]

Not Sports

17 Fascinating Facts About Jack Kirby, King of Comics - Here’s the only fact you need to know: Jack Kirby’s job was to create giant monsters with rectangle faces and make them monologue to entire teams of guys with names like “Starfinder”. He is the coolest guy in our national history, and you should love him as much as anyone else. [Gamma Squad]

Shark Week: The Drinking Game - I hope this involves that razor commercial where guys try to shave without cutting themselves in a shark cage. I guess for that you can just drink whenever you think “who cares what razor I’d choose, why am I shaving in a shark cage”, which is constantly. [Warming Glow]

Meme Watch: Sad Hipster Is Sad - As a vegan, I’m pretty happy “hipster” is replacing “hippie” as the catch-all word for people we don’t know but want to insult. And just like hippie girls, hipster girls are awesome. [UPROXX]

Jeff Bridges, John Goodman, Steve Buscemi, and Julianne Moore to Reunite for this Year’s Lebowski Fest - I wish this kind of thing happened more often. I want to go to a convention center where the cast of The Wizard is waiting to take pictures with me. I want to read the headline “Cook, Dawson, Reid Reunite For Josie And The Pussycats Fest”. [FARK]

… which is pretty good, if you ask me.

Sports

John Wall Returns to North Carolina Pro-Am, Makes Julius Hodge Famous - I used to know what John Wall was famous for, but all I can see when I hear his name is that terrible, terrible pitch. I will think of O.J. Simpson as a Heisman Trophy-winning football star before I’ll picture John Wall as anything other than Mariah Carey in a Nationals hat. [Smoking Section]

The ‘Pitcher Name’ Phenomenon - Jon Bois uses irrefutable Sporcle-centric data to substantiate his theory that pitchers can be born with a “pitcher name”. It’s interesting and worth a look, even if it’s as scientifically valid as the other thing I learned on Sporcle, which is 99% of people know “Lion King” by only like 52% have heard of “Dumbo”. SMDH [SBN]

Watch Some Dude Get Schooled By a Woman in MMA Exhibition - It’s always fun to watch a woman beat up a man, for some reason. It’s one of the unexpected quirks of the women’s lib movement. If I ever run into a white woman with cornrows I am crossing the goddamn street. [Cage Potato]

James Harrison Comments On His Comments - Kissing Suzy Kolber handles the delicate James Harrison situation in a much more eloquent way than we did. And I had to come up with a new headline, because the real one has gay slurs and sacrilege. [KSK]

With Leather

Brooklyn Decker and the 2011 ESPYs - We talk a lot about Kate Upton on this network of websites, but don’t sleep on her 24-year old Old Lady equivalent. I think showing up in an Adam Sandler comedy aged Decker by about twenty years in our minds. You know Upton’s going to show up as Luis Guzman’s girlfriend or something dumb in one of those things. [With Leather]

The ‘Roger Clemens Mistrial’ Dugout - Sometimes I give these things esoteric headlines and nobody reads them, because the most important part of blogging is putting buzzwords in your title. I should’ve called it ROGER CLEMENS LIAR CHEATS JUSTICE SYSTEM RAPES INTEGRITY. Or “Fat Guy Cheats At Baseball, Life”. [The Dugout]

St. Louis Named Top City In Which to Find a Hot Baseball Girlfriend - This has been backed up by my good friend (and Anarchy Championship Wrestling Heavyweight Champion) Davey Vega as well as Dugout commenting stalwart Donut King. What else are they gonna do, cheer for the Blues? [With Leather]

Punte Interviews Urijah Faber and Jon “Bones” Jones - Our Man Zerkle visited the set of the Kenny Powers K-SWISS commercials and interviewed every awesome person there, except for the little one in the mask who fake fights that I would’ve been most interested in. [With Leather]

Not Sports

Annie and Britta are Naked and Spanking Each Other - I’m not sure how else to share this with you. Some photographer convinced Alison Brie and Gillian Jacobs that this would be a good idea, and I mean I guess it is, but jeez. It’s one step away from Terry Richardson making the Gossip Girl cast french kiss soft serve. In a related story, Annie is still hotter than Britta by like forty-thousand miles. [Warming Glow]

First Look: Colin Farrell in Total Recall Remake - The original Total Recall is one of my girlfriend’s favorite movies, so I’m including this here. She once sent her Mom a text message that said “get your ass to Mars”. [Film Drunk]

No Emmy Nomination For Ron Swanson, The Internet Reacts - Nick Offerman’s face is more expressive and a better actor than the cast of “Glee” and at least 4 of those 6 people nominated from “Modern Family”. I still think awards are stupid, But they’d be less stupid if they went to the right people. [Uproxx]

Superbook - I mentioned this yesterday, but am including a formal link to it today. Here’s a thing I wrote a few years ago about my favorite religious Japanese cartoon from the 80s, featuring nudity, blasphemous robots and too many anime references for you to handle. [Progressive Boink]

As the Washington Wizards close out their home season tonight against the Celtics, one can’t help but checking the work on last year’s No. 1 overall pick, and Wizards rookie guard John Wall has one big obstacle in his campaign for the NBA’s Rookie Of The Year–Blake Griffin. What’s odd is that Griffin, last year’s No.1 overall pick, sat out all of 2009-2010 with an injured kneecap. So this comes down to Which Guy Played Better For His Awful Team?

The former Kentucky Wildcat [Wall] is averaging 16.3 points and 8.5 assists per game this year. Perhaps the league’s most exciting young player, Blake Griffin, leads all rookies with 22.5 points per game. –NESN.

Wall is in the conversation for Rookie of the Year, although the consensus pick appears to be Griffin, whose Clippers (31-50) are languishing near the bottom of the Western Conference and will be a lottery team just like Wall’s Wizards. –Washinton Times.

But not everyone is down on the Great Wall Of Chinatown. Yeah, I’m still calling him that. Read the rest of this entry »

Washington Wizards rookie John Wall did The Dougie, whatever the hell that is, last night before nearly posting a triple double in his DC debut against the Sixers. Wall posted 29 points, 13 assists and nine steals, but it took his team overtime to beat a team that still hasn’t won a game.

But enough about the game. Let’s talk about this dance that Wall tried to pull off during pre-game introductions last night. I have a feeling that this could divide America along racial lines, and that’s really saying too much. But hey, if dude can work it like that, and then play five quarters of basketball, then I guess I can dig it.

Img via.

As the Orlando Magic opened their season last night in the brand new Amway Center, the focus wasn’t on the game so much as it was on all of the wonderful side stories going down at the same time. For instance, as ESPN points out, the story wasn’t about the Magic making a statement in their new state-of-the-art-arena as much as it was about top draft pick John Wall’s debut for the Washington Wizards. Other outlets have concentrated on Magic fans booing NBA commissioner David Stern, as if no other team’s fans in the NBA would commit such an act. And of course so many people are focused on the game as a warm-up for tonight’s anticipated first act* in the new Magic-Miami Heat rivalry. But they’re all so wrong, because only one story mattered…

Tiger Woods is back, baby.

The world’s most scandalous golfer has been a sideline fixture at Magic games for years, as he calls Florida’s nipple his home, but amid his adultery scandal, Woods was absent for most of last season’s games. He even received a much better welcome from the crowd than Stern, even though Woods wasn’t given the pleasure of a public announcement. But if he was, I imagine it would sound like: “Coming to the stage next we’ve got Cinnamon and Labial with their disappearing baseball bat trick, and also a special welcome to Tiger Woods!”

Tell us about this magical experience, USA Today… get it? Magical? *pulls rabbit from butt*

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