So, um, about that John Maine story yesterday where he wanted to try on women's dresses?  The Mets have called bullshit:

The Mets say pitcher John Maine is the victim of an impostor who has been asking women for their outfits. Thursday, a woman named Abby Cohen called the club Touch to get "John Maine" a table at their opening night. When the man arrived, he identified himself as the Mets pitcher and asked several young ladies if he could try on their dresses… Despite being "recognized" as Maine by doormen and publicists for Touch, the Mets insist that he has not been in New York since October and was in Virginia on the night of incident.

Life as a celebrity impostor can be pretty rewarding.  For some people, it's an avenue to borrowing women's clothes.  For people like me, it's a way to capitalize on girlls with low self-esteem.  "Hey everybody!  I'm Justin Timberlake!  I'll be in the bathroom if any skanks want to fellate me!"  Then afterwards I'm all, "You dumb whore! I'm not really Justin!"  And the ladies are always, "I knew you were too handsome."

Well, not really.  But my mom insists I'm better-looking than he is.

Not to be outdone by Oscar de la Hoya modeling a Russian stripper's lingerie, Mets pitcher John Maine approached a Page Six writer at Touch night club and begged to try on her dress. 

[Maine] later approached PageSix.com and asked to test-drive our frock as well. “I’m John Maine. I pitch for the Mets! I’m a hot piece of ass!” he kept repeating. He claimed that he was on his way to a drag party later that night. “Come on, I’ll give you $200 to try on your dress,” he begged. “Just to take a picture. It’ll be fun.”

The New York Daily News added this:

John Maine followed an attractive young woman into the ladies' bathroom. He even went into the stall with her, [then] "asked her if he could try on the little black dress she was wearing," laughs our snitch.

What an idiot.  He should have asked her where she got the dress, then he could have gone to the store and bought it for less than $200.  Sheesh.  These athletes don't know the first thing about what to say to a woman.

NOTE: The Page Six writer is Noelle Hancock.  RAWR!  Call me, Noelle! …I'm looking for something strappy and slinky for this holiday party I have to go to.  Something sexy, but not slutty, y'know?