From a May 11 interview with ESPN:

“Actually, I don’t even believe in curses. It’s really sad how many people believe in curses. This is football; everyone gets hurt. If you run the ball 40 times a game, you’re going to get banged around and get nicks and bruises here and there, but I don’t pay too much attention to that. I’ll let it take care of itself.”

Then came an eight-touchdown, 600-yard decline in productivity, a hamstring injury, an exchange of tough guy back-and-forth with his team over a contract and that time he bailed on a charity gig with the Cleveland Boys And Girls Club. This deadly combination of bad PR, commonplace injury, personal assholery and “living in Cleveland” can only mean one thing.

From a December 19 interview with Cleveland.com:

“No doubt about it, things haven’t worked to my favor this year. There’s a few things that happened that made me believe in curses. Ain’t no doubt about it.”

There you have it. There ain not any doubt about it. Peyton Hillis is cursed, and the only way the Browns can get back on track is if Mike Holmgren tricks John Madden into walking over a cleverly disguised pit and rips off his face to reveal Old Man Jenkins from the abandoned amusement park.

I think they should find the worst player in the NFL and put him on the Madden 13 box just to see if he spontaneously combusts. Any takers?

[h/t to Shutdown Corner]

This is not a bad setup for sitting in a wedding tent with a catered barbecue. John Madden, in his first season officially out of pro football since 1879, has what might be the best TV setup for watching the NFL…ever. Madden has ten TVs in all: nine 63-inch television sets, and one big screen. “They don’t make clickers for a setup like this.” And when you can scream out random numbers to make people do what you want, who needs one? via.

Dyah see dat right there? He’s uhh he’ been in this game a long time and uhh now he’s gonna retire which means he’s not gonna uhh not be in the game any more. And uhh I dunno what he’s gonna be doin now but he uhh…and then and then BOOM RIGHT THERE…but uh he’s not gonna be around football now that’s for sure.

NFL Legend John Madden has decided to retire from announcing games in the NFL.

John Madden has done everything possible in the NFL. He played for the Philadelphia Eagles, coached the Oakland Raiders, announced games, and has his name on one of the most successful video games of all time.

In 2006, Madden was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame for his work as the Oakland Raiders Head Coach.

I actually enjoyed Madden’s work everywhere he’s been; he blends the technical observations from the game with everyman language as well as anyone still working. Early reports that Madden’s chair in the NBC booth will be filled by Al Michael’s Ego. Fortunately, Madden was a big guy.

|as first seen on In Game Now|

David Letterman sent Biff Henderson to be a Late Night correspondent at the Super Bowl.  There’s some good stuff here, especially the appearances by Jesse Jacksonand Marv Albert — although nothing is quite as satisfying as Biff swearing at a Steelers fan who interrupts an interview.

I’m not sure if anyone ever really got the right answer to what John Madden smells like in the morning, though.  I always figured it was cash, sweat, and bacon grease.  With an oaky finish of brain damage.

[Awful Announcing]

Even though I've seen Frank Caliendo do his John Madden impression roughly 36,000 times, it still makes me laugh. I'm like that four-year-old who just learned how to make farting noises.

Here's seven minutes of goodness from Caliendo's pre-Super Bowl appearance on Letterman. To be fair, he's done a great job of adjusting the impersonation over the years. The addition of Madden' frequent spaced-out silences is a nice touch.

Clip seen on the attention-whoring-but-not-all-that-bad Flash Sports Tonight (link has sound).

There's a lot of misplaced sentiment for John Madden, just because he happened to attach his name to a video game that's been played by pretty much every male football fan under the age of 35. What few of us remember is that even when he used to provide some kind of worthwhile insight into a football game — back when he worked with Pat Summerall — he was still pretty fucking annoying. Today he's just incoherent, a blubbery shell of someone who's been overrated for at least three decades now. 

That's why I'm thankful for the sports gambling gurus at NBX, who, in a striking bit of evil genius that is both horrendous and brilliant, have compiled Sunday Night Football's Maddenisms into a single clip. I highly recommend you watch the video here. Steel yourselves, people. This is some highly concentrated idiocy.

Or, if you're smart, you could follow Madden's advice: "If I say something and you don't want to listen, don't listen."

Guhhh. Choke on your fucking turduckken, John.