In between being married and producing four offspring with names that begin with "K," Roger Clemens sank his pork-sword to the hilt into whichever homo sapiens vagina happened to be closest and least likely to run away. 

After the ten-year Mindy McCready affair came to light, we realized the Rocket — pictured here in a rare moment with his wife — had a thing for teenagers.  Yesterday, we learned that Roger allegedly picked up rent for homely real estate brokers.  And today, we can add one of golfer John Daly's ex-wives to the mix.

Several sources told the Daily News Wednesday that Clemens had a relationship with Paulette Dean Daly, a former wife of champion golfer John Daly. The sources said Clemens, a married father of four, arranged trips to Anaheim Stadium for Daly… to watch him pitch for the Yankees against the Angels. Sources also said he spent time with her in Palm Springs, Calif. She declined to elaborate on the nature of her relationship with the pitcher, but did not deny allegations from several sources that it was romantic and included financial support.

Wow, one of John Daly's ex-wives.  You know a lady like that has got standards.  Reach for the stars, Rog, and maybe along the way you'll get more mediocre ass than Barry Manilow. 

Sweet Jesus, there's a lot going on in this story.  Let's get rid of some background info: John Daly has won two majors in his career that probably don't quite balance out his wild gambling losses and palimony to three ex-wives; the two trips to alcohol rehab probably don't help, either.  His fourth wife, Sherrie Daly, whom he married seven weeks after meeting her, served five months in prison for her connection to a drug ring and illegal gambling operation.  Good times.

Anyway, last Friday Daly accused Sherrie of attacking him with a steak knife, and now Sherrie claims that his claims are a cover-up for sexually assaulting her.  She also says that scratches on his face are self-inflicted, an attempt to make her look guilty.  And now they've filed for protective orders against each other and all the standard legal ugliness about custody of their 3-year-old son.

In times like this, I like to ask myself, WWJJD?  That is, what would Judge Judy do?  That old battle axe knows how to regulate.  I'm thinking she'd seal them both in an old Subaru hatchback and push them off a bridge into the East River.  And their child should get sent to an African refugee camp, which would give him a better chance of surviving until his tenth birthday.

Claire Neff, a high school girls golf coach, had six sets of golf clubs stolen from her SUV this week.  Then she got a phone call saying that it was all going to be okay.

Neff said [the man on the phone] told her he spoke about the theft to pro golfer John Daly, who suggested he contact TaylorMade Golf. TaylorMade agreed to send the team new custom golf clubs by the end of the week.

A thrilled Neff asked to whom she was speaking. "Kid Rock," the man replied.

Man, how many times have we seen this story?  "Kid Rock and John Daly come through for Title IX… again."  I'm really surprised they're friends.  They're such different people… united only in their love of high school girls golf teams.

I'm not wealthy enough to really care about golf, but I've heard that the Masters — where I guess Tiger Woods has done well in the past — is going on this weekend.  If you have a fantasy golf team, you can follow the results on the live leaderboard here.

Me, I care about fatass drunks like John Daly.  Daly, who had his PGA Tour card revoked last year (on account of sucking for too long), is signing autographs at the Hooters restaurant down the road from Augusta National.  Which sounds like a lot more fun (both to do and to watch) than golf, but maybe I'm weird.

Speaking of Hooters, is anyone else put off by the shiny nylon-tights and big scrunchy white gym socks?  And by the fact that you can't get a lap dance with your sandwich?

John Daly pulled out of the Honda Classic with an injury to his ribs and shoulder after… wait, what? You can't be serious.

Daly was injured trying to stop his backswing after being distracted by a fan taking his picture… The clicking could be heard almost at the same instant he started his backswing. He stopped and reportedly glared at the woman before trying to swing again, but immediately complained of pain and walked off to seek treatment in the tour's medical trailer.

What a fucking diva. Why do I have a feeling that the only ribs that were injured were the rack of baby backs he tore through with a case of Miller High Life? I wish I could fake an injury and blame it on a fan and not go to work just because I was hung over. In fact, I think one of yesterday's sarcastic remarks in the comments section bruised my ego. Oh, the agony.

Now, if anyone needs me, I'll be in the liquor cabinet.

Also see: Inappropriate Hugs, Signal to Noise, FanHaus

In a story that will surely get the beauty-obsessed tabloids like Star, People, and ESPN the Magazine buzzing, John Daly and his fourth wife are filing for divorce from each other. No, you read that correctly: they've both filed for divorce.

Sherrie Miller Daly filed for divorce on Oct. 17, and Daly filed a day later, according to records in Shelby County, Tenn. "It was kind of a race to the courthouse," said Randy Fishman, the Memphis attorney representing Daly's wife.

What a shame. And this just four months after Sherrie finished her federal sentence for her involvement in a drug-and-gambling ring. For some people, the pressures of fame are too much for even love to overcome. Other people, even if they go together like cheeseburgers and Jack Daniels, go through marriages like they go through cheeseburgers and Jack Daniels.

I believe that's called irony.