As a human being attached to a sports blog, it is my contractual duty to report any and all Slayer-related sports news. If you are not interested in Slayer or Slayer sports news, please go to www.cuteoverload.com, lift your computer monitor above your head and bring it crashing down onto your face.

ESPN recently continued their decades-old attempt to top that one SportsCenter commercial with Gheorghe Muresan dancing with an effort featuring stuffed-shirt analyst John Clayton as a Slayer-loving burnout who still lives with his mom. It’s great, and it blew up on the Internet, with the original video getting over 2 million views.

Artisan News recently interviewed legendary Slayist (Slayerist?) Kerry King about the clip, and he loved it. Video of him reacting to it and showing it to everyone he knows is after the jump. If you want to have bonus fun with the clip, take a drink every time someone says “Metal Masters”. Pretty sure that’s the most metal way to watch a YouTube video without eating your friend’s brains.

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It must be a slow day in Hollywood, because Lance over at FilmDrunk took a brief break from telling it how it really is to send me this image of ESPN's John Clayton next to a child with Progeria.

Even more troubling is that I suspect — I don't have scientific evidence yet, but it's only a matter of time — that the Progeria kid is a result of the unholy coupling of Clayton and Mother Teresa. 

You ever tell a joke so disturbing and wrong it makes you shudder?  Yeah, that just happened.