The last time country music star John Anderson walked in the swamp, he sat upon a Cypress stump. He listened close and he heard the ghost of Osceola cry. Why was Osceola crying? Because Florida State University had just deemed him inappropriate for “certain opportunities” and replaced him with Rarity from the f**king ‘My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic’ cartoon.

You’d think they would’ve at least gone with Chief Thunderhooves.

“Osceola and Renegade are revered and honored symbols of Florida State athletics, as has been recognized by their recent selection as the best tradition in all of college football,” said FSU Assistant Athletic Director of Marketing and Promotions Jason Dennard. “We treat our symbol with great honor and respect, and they appear only at football games, Homecoming and Fan Day. Cimarron has been revived to give a promotional presence at other designated events. It also allows us to participate in some opportunities that were not appropriate for the distinguished symbol of Osceola and Renegade.”

Florida State commissioned the design and fabrication of Cimarron by Scollon Productions Inc. in the fall of 2011. Scollon has been the costume character designer and manufacturer of choice for many corporations worldwide, including Warner Brothers, Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network and more than 100 sports teams. (via CFB Section)

CFB Section’s report suggests the switch to Cimarron means FSU is “obviously looking to do away with” Chief Osceola, but that’s not the impression I got. What I gathered from the statement is that sometimes you want to send your mascot to the local elementary schools, and a dude wearing warpaint and pointing a spear at kids from atop a charging horse might not be the way to go.

But hey, if you’re the type who gets bent out of shape about “politically correct” types thinking you shouldn’t have a denomination of people as your team mascot (and as a fan of the Cleveland Indians I understand this fully), just point out that Cimarron means “runaway slave” in Spanish. Eventually FSU’s mascot is just going to be a grey rectangle with the word “SCHOOL” written across it.

I’m hyperbolic about … basically everything.

The title of “best pay-per-view of all time” is a hard one to bestow. A lot of people will say Wrestlemania 3, or Wrestlemania 10, or Wrestlemania X-7. As an NWA kid, I might say Starrcade ’85, or The Great American Bash ’89. Maybe Wrestlewar ’92. That’s lofty company, and I don’t want to sound hyperbolic when I say that last night’s Money in the Bank show seems like it’s as good as any of them. How do I come to terms with that? How do you admit that this new thing is just as good as the old stuff you’ve been building a love on your entire life?

I am a nerd about wrestling on the Internet, and to me, it was wonder.

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