As a Mariners fan, I tolerated Joel Piñeiro's mediocrity for years, and I was never once rewarded with him doing something as cool as this play.  I guess crappy ex-Mariners just get cooler when they move to St. Louis and play for the Cardinals.  Like Scott Spiezio.  I would have been much happier if he drank himself out of the league before hitting .215 for the M's.  And that was his good season with Seattle.

In conclusion, Spiezio sucks.  And I wish Pineirio well… in that I don't wish him any specific harm.

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The Red Sox signed Joel (not "Joel" — Zho-elle!) Pineiro away from the Mariners during the offseason with the questionable notion of making him their closer. I say questionable because closers are known for having badass facial hair and low ERAs, and Pineiro has a delicately manicured pencil-thin beard and is coming off of consecutive seasons with an ERA of over 5.60.

Another thing closers have: fucking badass entrance music (last item).

Reliever Joel Pineiro had teammates howling yesterday with his weight-room music mix, which included a steady diet of ballads and love songs from the likes of Air Supply, Wham, and Berlin.

Flash forward to early June. The scene: Fenway Park. The Red Sox cling to a ninth-inning lead as the heart of the Yankees' lineup comes to the plate. The first two batters get on base. Sox manager Terry Francona gets on the phone: Give me Pineiro. As Pineiro and his 1.648 WHIP make the slow walk to the mound…

You put the boom-boom into my heart! / You send my soul sky high when your lovin' starts / Jitterbug into my brain / Goes a bang! bang! bang! 'til my feet do the same

And 39,000 drunk Sox fans make Fenway the loudest venue in sports. Or not. Whatever, it's no less gay than "Sweet Caroline."