Former New York Jets quarterback Joe Namath believes that there’s only one thing you need to know to be a great quarterback, and he’d rather jog back to his car than fill in new Jet Tim Tebow.

When word spread that the Jets had traded for Tim Tebow, it was only a matter of time before the franchise’s most famous quarterback chimed in with his take.

“I’m just sorry that I can’t agree with this situation,” Namath told ESPN Radio New York on Wednesday. “I think it’s just a publicity stunt. I can’t go with it. I think it’s wrong. I don’t think they know what they’re doing over there.” (via NFL.com)

I know that Tim Tebow is a fundamentally terrible pro quarterback and that a lot of the successes his fans attributed to faith or whatever last season had more to do with the rest of the Denver Broncos busting their asses, but I’m starting to feel really badly for the guy.

I have one of the least important jobs in the world, and if someone leaves a dismissive comment about how I suck, I don’t lose my mind over it, but it does make me feel bad. Imagine if every day of your life was full of sports, TV and media analysis making raspberries when they hear your name, running you down for being worthless and suggesting that anyone who DOES want or support you is just doing it for lulz? It’s not exactly putting your name on a tombstone on the front page of the newspaper, but it’s gotta be rough.

Surely Tebow will soldier through this and use the doubters to fuel his future successes, thanks in part to his faith in God, as well as his beautiful mistress, millions of dollars, solid gold house and rocket car.

When the NFL first announced that it was going to host an Oscars-like awards ceremony for the league’s season awards, my first thought was, “Great news for people who like the ESPYs but have ADHD.” But Alec Baldwin was hosting and I like football, so I figured I’d at least be able to watch it for the sake of making fun of it. Yet as I watched it Sunday morning on my DVR, I couldn’t help but admit to my dog that it wasn’t terrible.

The NFL Honors were far from perfect, though, and if they’re going to make this event a tradition, league officials are going to need to make a few tweaks to the overall process. For starters, as much as I love Baldwin, he didn’t exactly hit home runs with his jokes. I mean, I laughed, but they showed more blank faces in the audience, and I really don’t know if Clay Matthews appreciated being called Madonna.

As for the actual award process, I know that they need to make it seem like each category was so close and it was so difficult and arduous to determine which players were going to win, but we’re not stupid. Offensive Rookie of the Year couldn’t have been more obvious, so clearly we didn’t need two minutes of intro footage that included Mark Ingram and Julio Jones. If anything, it felt like some guys were being teased.

Most of the awards were dead on – I only really disagreed with one – so we can debate them and some of the evening’s finer moments after the jump.

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"Hey Plaxico, YOU SUCK!"

We’re all a little bit better off when we have more Joe Namath in our lives, so it’s great that he sat down with ESPN New York the other day to talk about the one thing that he knows better than anything else – hot skank poonany the New York Jets passing game. The Jets’ offense clearly looks different from last season, as they replaced Braylon Edwards and Jerricho Cotchery with Plaxico Burress and Derrick Mason. While they may be a little older, they sure cut down on the “Whoops, gotta hold on to that” department.

But Namath isn’t so sure about Burress’ status, as he seems to think that his time in the clink and away from the field is going to be damaging to his success this season.

“When I see Burress, certainly in the past, and Edwards, their route running and adjusting, I didn’t like it — and I still don’t. I’ll be surprised if Burress and Sanchez click well, and I’ll be even more surprised if Burress, after being laid off for two years and change, is going to make it through the season.”

Easy now, Broadway Joe. We’re talking about a man who shot himself in the leg and had the benefit of top notch prison rehabilitation and training. You’re worried about his ankles and feet? I’m worried about some young defender putting a cheap hit on Burress and him retaliating in the shower after the game. I’m worried about him filling the Gatorade cooler with toilet wine.

Besides, you know that Rex Ryan has every player’s ankles and feet as his top priority.

Sports

Vegetarian Pig Slop and Heat Wave Rasslin: ACW’s Distrust, Dismay and Antisocial Behavior ’11 Review - I spent my Sunday night watching the best independent wrestling in Texas, and if you hop over to TH’s wrestling blog (“The Wrestling Blog”) you can read a bit about it. AND see my wonderful, cheesing mark photo with one of my favorite wrestlers in the world. [The Wrestling Blog]

First Look: NBA 2K12 “Greatest Trailer” - Hooooooly. I am going to buy this game the moment it comes out and pretend it is the greatest imaginable upgrade to Bulls Vs. Blazers. I am going to UTEP Two Step these guys SO HARD. I hope Tom Chambers is in here somewhere. [The Smoking Section]

Topps All Star Rookies Vs. Donruss Rated Rookies: Who Won Out? - One of my professional goals is to have the a scale replica of the Topps All Star Rookie trophy somewhere in my home. Also, to have a Pac-Man table machine. [SBN]

TUF 14 Cast Announced For Team Bisping Vs. Team Mayhem - I hope “Mayhem’s snitchy sister” is on Team Bisping. [Cage Potato]

With Leather

Joe Namath Inspired Wet Cheerleader Gallery - Easily the best thing Joe Namath has done since advising Bart Simpson about vapor lock. I wish there was a way Ice Girls could get wet. Maybe raise the temperature in the arena when they’re dancing? [With Leather]

Pro Wrestler Drives Car into Tree, Gets Arrested, Loses Mind - Get excited for today’s Best and Worst of Raw with a story about what happens when you stop being in the WWE and have to start being a real person. Also, failing miserably at being a real person. Also, getting angel blood? What? [With Leather]

Jim Irsay Isn’t Funny And 9 Other Thoughts - Football is happening, and if you’re the type who likes football (that is almost all of you), get in here and share your thoughts with Burnsy. Real sports coverage needs as much play and as many comments as the fake. [With Leather]

The Dugout: SFinal Destination - M’nerd Bill Hanstock has done a great job with this, which started off as one Dugout and turned into a multi-part event. Part three is coming today, so catch up on parts one and two. Part two has a great new screen name for Carlos Beltran. [Part 1] [Part 2]

Not Sports

The Best Quotes from Modern Family’s Gloria Pritchett - Sofia Vergara deserves your attention for something besides her amazing breasts. She deserves your attention for those, too, just for other things as well. For her amazing breasts. [Warming Glow]

Meme Watch: Annoying Childhood Friend Will Probably Find You on Facebook, If He Hasn’t Already - “Always asks for food at your house/won’t let you eat any of his food at his house” is so amazingly on point. Being an only child meant every friend I had was this kid, and that’s why I’m such a terrible friend. [UPROXX]

Fallon Set to Host SNL - This is fine, but please, don’t do the Barry Gibb Talk Show. It was something you shouldn’t have done twice, and you’ve done it about forty times. Justin Timberlake saying “no I don’t” is not funny. DO NOT DO BARRY GIBB TALK SHOW. [AOL TV]

Geeky Dog Costumes Have Never Been Cuter - Part of me wants to say “stick to bumblebees and hot dogs, those costumes are cute enough already” but no, I would absolutely dress my dog like a Totoro. [Gamma Squad]

"Get the hoses ready!"

For all the time that we spend criticizing athletes for the way they use Twitter, we don’t commend them nearly enough. Case in point, during last night’s 27-7 thrashing of the Cincinnati Bengals, New York Jets legend Joe Namath took time away from supporting his team to point out how nice it is when rain makes contact with the skin of cheerleaders. Tweeted Namath:

First of all, I feel like a complete boob for not knowing that Namath had a Twitter account. But at the same time I am disappointed that I haven’t heard more controversy stemming from his account. We all have to start somewhere, though, and thankfully now I know. And is there controversy over this Tweet? Of course there is.

Why, the New York Post is just flabbergasted by this atrocity.

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Everyone’s favorite flirty NFL quarterback-turned-trainwreck-turned-recovering-alcoholic has found himself in some deep doo-doo due to how his doggies have developed a taste for human flesh.

David Gunter, a former UPS driver, is now suing the NFL Hall of Famer for injuries he alleges were sustained when he was attacked by Namath’s three dogs – a German shepherd, Weimaraner and a Labrador retriever.

In the lawsuit, where Gunter is seeking $15,000 in damages, it is alleged that the attack has left him with “vicious and serious personal injuries” after one of the mongrels bit him on his calf. Gunter testified in Court before a special magistrate last month and claimed he “was basically in fear for his life.”

Namath, at the same court appearance, pleaded with the magistrate and argued that his dogs are of no threat to anyone. In fact, he has photos of the dogs with children! Sure, the kids look absolutely mortified, but in none of the photos are the dogs chomping down on one of the kids’ throats. That’s good enough for me.

Unfortunately for Broadway Joe, it was not compelling enough evidence for the magistrate. Although Stella the Weimaraner was acquitted of all charges and not deemed dangerous, Leo the Lab was not so fortunate. Leo cannot leave Namath’s residence without being muzzled and leashed and must be caged when people visit Namath’s home, not to mention the fact that Leo may cost Namath 15,000 smackeroos. In the end, this is just another example of the Man trying to keep the Black Lab down. via.