The Baltimore Ravens won Super Bowl XLVII, but the highlight for me (besides the lights going out and The Shield putting Colin Kaepernick through a table) was Joe Flacco’s description of the win as “f**kin’ awesome.” You are absolutely right, Joe Flacco.
Last week, we kicked off the first installment of the With Leather Fantasy Football Support Group, because Week 9 made perfect sense. Whatever, jerks. But Doug Martin was the seemingly overwhelming choice for the “I hate that guy so much” sudden point outburst, after he had cost me and so many other fantasy football owners victories. This week, the task of narrowing down one specific player performance that may have caused self-induced vomiting and hair loss, because it was a pretty standard week with the usual suspects leading the way.
Based on the most probably standard scoring, here are the Top 3 scoring performances at each offensive position this week…
49ers Fans Voted No. 1 In Refusing To Leave A Playoff Game After Being Pepper Sprayed - I don’t care how much football is happening, if I get sprayed with pepper spray I’m either slitting throats or being driven the hell home sobbing. No inbetween. [Bay Bridge Banter]
Your NFL Recap: 10 Things Learned From Championship Sunday - Thing 11: Don’t be Joe Flacco. Thing 12: If Joe Flacco says you should be talking more about Joe Flacco, ignore him and write some more about Tom Brady. Tom Brady is the baddest man on the planet. [Smoking Section]
Caring Is Easy. Apathy Is Work. - Putting this Joe Paterno business into context the only way I understand. Probably the only thing written about this online that made me go “sh*t, he’s totally right”. [@KillPrint]
Puppy Bowl VIII Is Coming: Resistance Is Futile. Prepare For Your Doom - …and only With Leather will have exclusive interviews with the stars. Just kidding, I’m going to put up puppy pictures and have the responses just say arf arf arf. [Pajiba]
TV Gifs Of The Week - I think Lizzy Caplan and Alison Brie is my ultimate fantasy threesome. Wait, no, I take that back, it’s still Gina Carano and Rachel Maddow. Shut up, I have awesome taste. And gender issues. But awesome taste. [Warming Glow]
NBA Dance Party - Just one picture, but one you’ll never forget. I could probably write a novel about it. [Buzzfeed]
Final Fantasy XIII-2 Demo: Finally, Skyrim Meets Pokémon - If modern Finals Fantasy was 10% as fun as either of those games I wouldn’t have abandoned it when Yuna became a pop singing tomb raiding ninja. TELL GOOD STORIES, SQUARE. [Gamma Squad]
Justin Bieber Is Obsessed With The 1996 Mark Wahlberg Film Fear - As we all SHOULD be. I hope if he remakes it he carries over Marky Mark’s accent. His pronunciation of “Mister Walker” as “missaWAHkah” is the best part. OH NO MISSAWAHKAH I WOULD NEVAH DO DAT TO YA DAUGHTAH. [Film Drunk]
The Best Of ‘Parks And Recreation’s’ #Jerry Gergich - Damn, Jerry! You jumped in a creek for a burrito? What’d you do for a Klondike bar? Kill your wife? [UPROXX]
Bon Jovi + Bon Iver = Bon Joviver - Try this: do an impression of what you think a 6-year old falsetto in a church choir sounds like. There you go, you just sang Bon Iver’s last 15 songs. [UPROXX]
Elite-to-Joe-Flacco quarterback Joe Flacco spent his Wednesday afternoon feeling a little insecure, chatting with the media about how they love quarterbacks, but don’t seem to ever spread the love to Baltimore. “Baltimore has a quarterback”, he wonders aloud. The guy from the Baltimore Sun starts doodling in his notepad, then rolls his eyes when he remembers he should probably be writing this down.
“If you look at the teams that won, yeah you can look at the quarterbacks but that’s just because you guys, ESPN, everybody wants to pump them up as being the best quarterback that year. It’s really going to come down to what team is the best,” Flacco said. “I’m sure if we win, I’ll have nothing to do with why we won according to you guys.”
As MJD of Shutdown Corner points out, people don’t think Joe Flacco is an elite quarterback leading his team into war because he isn’t one, he’s Joe f**king Flacco. He’s fine, but he’s Joe Flacco.
The Ravens aren’t built like the Patriots or the Packers. They don’t succeed or fail based on whether or not they throw the ball seventy times a game, and here are their options: give the ball to Ray Rice, or give the ball to Joe Flacco. JOE FLACCO. Which would you do? Joe Flacco knows:
“You guys want everybody to be Aaron Rodgers and be Tom Brady, but you guys do realize, those guys’ [teams] don’t run the ball? If we try to do that, the criticism that we’d take around here would be ridiculous.”
I think he would behoove Joe Flacco to realize he’s the sort of guy you have to identify as “Joe Flacco” every time, because calling him “Joe” or “Flacco” doesn’t seem right. He’s doing well, and should try really hard not to be that girl in art class who draws a horse for every project and gets pissed when the kids with actual brains and hands for art get praised. Draw your horse, win your playoff games, and be okay being Joe Flacco. Because Joe Flacco is what the Ravens need.
The other day, Baltimore Ravens QB Joe Flacco jokingly complained to the local media that his coaches were being too conservative with their play calling and that he could use some help in criticizing his coaches so they would open it up some more. Then everyone laughed and someone in the back of the room yelled, “Dude, you are the worst fantasy football QB ever!” It might have been me. But I digress.
Flacco’s comments, while made in jest, were still true, and his offensive coordinator, Cam Cameron, agreed that he was being too conservative, and then offered his own joke response to the Baltimore media.
“Number one, I’m not going to listen to anything you guys say,” said Cameron in his weekly talk with reporters. “But no, we’ll listen to what Joe has to say. I almost thought of telling Joe, ‘Those words are hurtful. You’re not coming to the pancake social.’”
In case you’re one of the few lucky people who don’t get that “joke”, Cameron is referring to the Geico car insurance commercial in which the caveman character loses to Washington Redskins linebacker Brian Orakpo in a game of Scrabble. While breaking down commercials is more of a Warming Glow thing, I can’t help but point out a few things about this tired, terrible commercial theme that my car insurance provider keeps choking us with.
The 6-2 Baltimore Ravens have won both of their games against the Pittsburgh Steelers this season, making them the huge favorites to win the AFC North. Granted, they could play like they did against the Jacksonville Jaguars and let the shockingly 6-2 Cincinnati Bengals win the division, or they could even let the 6-3 Steelers right back into it, too. So you’d think that coach John Harbaugh and his boys would want to hold their heads high after sweeping their bitter enemy and build momentum heading into their next game.
Maybe. But first they have to complain about the music that was used by the Steelers’ PA crew during Sunday night’s game. Apparently those no-good meanies were using special songs to make fun of Ravens QB Joe Flacco. Because that doesn’t happen in any sport ever.
Before Baltimore’s game-winning, 92-yard drive late in the fourth quarter, the Jumbotron at Heinz Field flashed an image comparing the stats of Ben Roethlisberger and Joe Flacco while the Lynyrd Skynyrd song “What’s Your Name” blared from the public-address system. The chorus of the 1977 hit begins with, “What’s your name, little girl?”
Flacco told a reporter that he didn’t even notice it, but Harbaugh was still pissed enough to make a big deal out of it. Good thing he wasn’t playing the New Orleans Saints and heard them blasting Katy Perry’s “You’re So Gay” between every play. At least I assume they do that, because I would if Randall Gay were on my team.