With Leather’s Watch This: A Sad Night For Nick Foles And Andy Dalton

Written by Ashley Burns / 12.13.12

In case you haven’t been following, I’ve had a bit of a fascination this NFL season with my theory of the Thursday Night Football Quarterback Curse. Basically, with the exception of Thanksgiving and maybe two or three lone performances, every QB that has played on Thursday this season has either been lackluster or just flat out awful. Many of us expected that to change last week when Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos played the Oakland Raiders, but he was just good enough to win.

While actual NFL players and more intense fans might say the fact that he won is all that matters, some of us depend on a little more from these guys for fantasy football. That means Manning only netted us between 13 and 20 points, which made us sad. At least our supermodel girlfriends were there to organize threeways to comfort us.

Can Nick Foles and Andy Dalton snap this incredible trend? Probably. We don’t expect it from them, so they’d be the best candidates. But I hope not, because it’s more fun to believe that a mystical force is making QBs suck.

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Channing Tatum Is The Reason That The Pittsburgh Steelers Lost Yesterday

Written by Ashley Burns / 12.10.12

Even with Ben Roethlisberger back from injury, the Pittsburgh Steelers were no match for the San Diego Chargers yesterday, what with their “Holy crap, we should play better so we aren’t all fired or traded” realization and effort. The Chargers defeated the Steelers 34-24 in a game that was much worse than the score indicates, with Philip Rivers tossing three touchdowns and upping his trade value to the Arizona Cardinals this offseason.

So what do the Steelers owe this loss to? Some may say that their secondary is just so beat up right now and that’s why Danario Alexander torched them for two touchdowns. Others might say it’s the lack of a true ground game that forced the Steelers offense from the field so quickly early in the game. But I know the real reason, and his name is Channing Tatum.

Our boy C-Tates was on hand at Heinz Field yesterday to lead the Steeler faithful in the Terrible Towel Twirl, and he looked fantastic doing it in a Detroit Tigers hat. But even more important than Mr. Sports Bandwagon hurting the Steelers’ already diminished playoff chances is his revelation that something sinister is brewing in the Steel City…

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Tony Romo Totally Jinxed Tiger Woods

Written by Ashley Burns / 02.13.12

Tiger Woods Tony Romo

Every time Tiger Woods fails to win a tournament these days, his lack of effort is usually followed by a few hundred newspaper and Internet columns declaring his career over and done. Today is no different, after Woods put up a pooptastic 75 in the final round of the Pebble Beach Pro-Am yesterday and watched as Phil Mickelson strolled right by him with a 64 to win the event.

“Stick a dagger in him!” the columnists yell, as they wipe donut crumbs on their laptops and listen to Mickelson revel in the lopsided nature of this once dominated rivalry.

“I just feel very inspired when I play with him,” the Californian said of Woods. “I love playing with him, and he brings out some of my best golf.

“I hope that he continues to play better and better, and I hope that he and I have a chance to play together more in final rounds.” (Via Reuters)

In fairness, it seemed like Mickelson was being genuine about his hopes for Woods, and God knows the PGA needs El Tigre to get his act back together for the sake of ratings and general interest. But I offer a bit more hypothetical solution for the PGA and Woods, at least for the Pro-Am events – don’t pair Woods with Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo anymore.

In fact, don’t pair anyone with Romo anymore. It just seems unfair to leave golfers making this face for an entire day…

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The Braves Can’t Feel Good About This

Written by Ashley Burns / 09.21.11

Always relevant.

Since we last spoke of America’s pastime – I believe it was all the way back on Monday – not much has changed in the playoff picture. While the New York Mets have proven that anything is possible, the divisional races are basically all settled, but the Wild Card races in both divisions are as warm as the side of the pillow that you just flipped over. I was never meant to be on SportsCenter.

The Boston Red Sox currently lead the Tampa Bay Rays and Los Angeles Angels by 2 and 3.5 games, respectively, while the Atlanta Braves have a 2.5 game lead on the St. Louis Cardinals and a 4.5 lead on the San Francisco Giants. After tonight’s game against the Florida Marlins, the Braves have a series against the Washington Nationals, before they close out the regular season with three games against the Philadelphia Phillies, who would undoubtedly love to knock the Braves out of the playoffs.

Making things even more difficult for Atlanta, the Cardinals play the Astros and Cubs (the Giants have it tough as well with the Rockies and Diamondbacks) so the NL race will be butthole tight the rest of the way. And if that doesn’t sound like a daunting enough task for the Braves, Major League Baseball is throwing superstition into play by launching the Braves’ “Legends are Born in October” commercial tonight. Ouch.

A whole season doomed by Lady Luck after the jump.

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Philadephia Eagles Will Be The Best Team Since 1980 Soviet Hockey

Written by Brandon Stroud / 08.01.11

Vince Young says Eagles are Dream Team, Miami Heat

The Philadelphia Eagles are going to be good. Anyone with a basic understanding of pro football could tell you that. The problem is that the one group of people who shouldn’t be telling you that is the Philadelphia Eagles themselves, and oh man, those guys cannot stop telling you how great they’re going to be.

Newly-arrived back-up quarterback Vince Young was the first to provide the team with the soundbites and complexly-arrogant sentences sports writers like me need to reference late in the season when a team is losing to someone who didn’t say anything. Via Philadelphia Sports Daily:

“Dream Team … From Nnamdi [Asomugha] to [Dominique Rodgers-]Cromartie, to Jason [Babin] to myself … I know they are going to do some more things. … It’s just beautiful to see where we’re trying to go.”

If that wasn’t bad enough, defensive end Jason Babin jumped on Twitter and gave the Eagles the official kiss of death.

I mean, at least the Dream Team won. The Tweet prompted 100+ responses, almost exclusively negative, ranging from the understanding “@JasonBabin93 except eagles will take the championship?” to the ready-for-Onion-Sportsdome “@JasonBabin93 do you mean only looks great on paper & can only play 3 quarters?” All we need now is for Michael Vick to push a sweatband up across the top of his scalp and humblebrag about how the Eagles are going to win not five, not six, not seven championships.

I swear, how hard is it to build a huge boat and NOT tell everyone you know that it’s unsinkable?

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Ben Broussard Still Jinxing the Indians Three Years Into Retirement

Written by Brandon Stroud / 06.08.11

Ben Broussard Weiner-Gate

From 2002-2006, first baseman Ben Broussard kept it simple, putting a hex on The Tribe by batting .260 and handling Jhonny Peralta’s off-center lobs like fastballs from Shawon Dunston. Now he’s taking a more esoteric approach, causing Cleveland to lose seven of their last ten by being the brother of Megan Broussard, the lady in the middle of the “Anthony Weiner’s last name is ‘weiner’ and he sent a lady a bunch of pictures of his wiener” scandal, a scandal I like to call “Anthony-Gate.”

The Beaumont Enterprise uncovered (get it) the connection between the Broussards, both Beaumont natives. I know you guys hate it when real life issues interfere with your fantasy sports, so here’s a little hilarious recap from ABC News:

Megan Broussard

Broussard, who describes herself as disinterested in politics and previously unaware of Weiner, said that she has never met the congressman in person and doesn’t “think he’s a bad guy.” And, she said, she actively participated in “sexting” — as she has done frequently with other men online — with the man she presumed to be Weiner.

During one flirtatious Facebook chat last month, Broussard said, she issued the man on the other end a challenge.

“I asked him to take a picture and write ‘me’ on it so I would know,” Broussard said in an interview.

The reply, she says, came moments later.

They make sure to add a little woman-blaming, in case the Indians were still trying to win that f**king Central Division.

After Weiner, who’s married, admitted to texting sexual messages and photos to several women yesterday, Meagan was quick to pounce on her 15 minutes.

Ben Broussard’s Twitter has been inactive since June 2, and yes, I did not know Ben Broussard had a Twitter until I started writing this article. Maybe as the season goes on and Detroit wins more and more games, we’ll find out that Fausto Carmona is the guy that leaked the Blake Lively photos and that Travis Hafner is actually Tito Ortiz, which is why he’s always taking so much time off. I’m going to go ahead and blame this on Grady Sizemore for taking those cheesecake pictures of himself years ago and starting the Indians Sext Ball rolling. Somebody check Ben’s phone and make sure he hasn’t been sending dong pix to Madeleine Albright.

[H/T Busted Coverage]

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