You know those annoying Facebook macros going around with a picture of the Angry Beavers on it or whatever, with a big caption reading “ONLY 90S KIDS WOULD REMEMBER THIS CLICK LIKE” across the top? The Philadelphia Phillies made an entire night out of that.

Wednesday’s 3-2 loss to Brandon Bronson Arroyo was ’90s Retro Night at Citizens Bank Park, and as the mascot-loving guy behind the Sports On TV column I’d be doing you a disservice if I didn’t share the clip of the Phillie Phanatic dancing with the Spice (Ball) Girls or the hilariously thrown-together photoshops depicting Charlie Manuel as Wilson from ‘Home Improvement’, or whatever. It’s the kind of night that makes being at the ballpark fun, except for all the losing.

Most of the pictures come with a hat-tip to my good friend Mr. Joey Odorisio, and the ones that don’t are credited where applicable. What are you waiting for? Check them out. There’s a really creepy shot of Chase Utley as Dylan from ‘Beverly Hills 90210′ waiting somewhere on the other side of this jump.

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The Philadelphia Phillies were just ousted from the National League playoffs by the St. Louis Cardinals, so now’s the perfect time for Phillies players to announce their demands for contracts nobody with a functioning frontal lobe of brain should give them. First on the list is Jimmy Rollins, the former NL MVP shortstop who, according to Philly.com Sports, wants to stay in town for the next five years. Keep in mind that he’s already been a Phillie, more or less, since 1996, a year that didn’t happen in the last decade, but in the decade before that.

Rollins, a Phillie for the last 15 years of his life, has set the bar high for his impending free agency. The soon-to-be 33-year-old shortstop wants a five-year contract.

“I’m looking to get five years,” Rollins said. “If it’s going to be shorter, there would have to be a fifth-year option or something like that. My option.”

Sure, being 33 doesn’t make him Julio Franco or anything, but a lot of shortstops don’t make it that deep into their thirties. Ruben Amaro Jr. seems open to the idea, or at least his diplomatic statement seems to lean him that way.

“There’s no question we want Jimmy back and be in our uniform and play shortstop for us for the next several years. Whether that happens kind of depends on if we get to the finish line on it. But Jimmy knows where we stand. Those things will be private.”

For some reason I can’t shake the image of a 36-year old Jimmy Rollins in San Francisco, slowly scooping up grounders and making way too much money to do it.

I am making an effort to get my girlfriend more interested in this website by featuring things like running and “Saved By The Bell”. And also by putting her friends in the headers.

Sports

Nike Running’s Evolution Film: The LunarGlide+ 3 - Is this the one with the “Ecstasy of Gold” remix where LaDainian Tomlinson and Troy Polamalu are born and immediately start running at each other? Because that’s the best commercial of all time, and maybe one of the best films. [Smoking Section]

Peter King Has Very Objective Criteria For Determining The Best Ballparks In The Universe - This reads just as wonderfully and bizarrely as the title. I keep wanting to do a Peter King guest Dugout, but I swear I could never do it justice. The best ballparks in the universe are Camden Yards (for beauty) and Citizens Bank Park (for utilitarianism), end of story. [KSK]

Jimmy Rollins Meets Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka - Speaking of Citizens Bank, I really wanted to turn this picture into a Dugout, but I couldn’t get any farther than Rollins saying “oh man, remember that time you jumped off the cage onto what’s his face, don muraco” and Superfly going “yah bruddah”. I’m about to get okeydoked by these Big Jimmies. [The Wrestling Blog]

Arianny Celeste Kissing a Giant Banana Penis Statue - I couldn’t feature a big picture of this at the top of the links today, and I urge you to think twice before clicking the link. Imagine if Arianny Celeste was giving head to Yao Ming. That’s sorta what you’re getting into. [Cage Potato]

With Leather

The Best and Worst of WWE Raw 7/25 - Be sure to catch up on pro wrestling during this one time per decade when it starts getting good. The comments sections of these posts are the coolest and most humbling thing ever, by the way, and I wish I had better ways to say thanks. But thanks. [With Leather]

Barack Obama Meets The Stupid Guy Who Needs Attention From The San Francisco Giants - Alternate title, “Brian Wilson Does More With His Suit Than Our President Has Done In Years”. Not sure I’m HARDBALL~ enough to make that title work, so we’ll stick to making fun of my least favorite baseball player. [With Leather]

Try With Leather Free Fantasy Baseball - It’s a free, fun thing you can do that takes two seconds and covers one night, and you can win $300 dollars and there are Kate Upton pictures. I can’t push this any harder, just go sign up for it, please. [With Leather]

Boston Bruins-Themed Wedding Reception - Behold, a wedding full of people who probably have the worst female accent of all time. [With Leather]

Not Sports

John Goodman Joins Community - They’re trying to fill season 3 with my favorite people from the history of television, first Omar, now Dan Conner. I’m going to wake up tomorrow and read “Margaret Farquhar from that square dancing episode of The Wonder Years joins Community”. [Warming Glow]

The Big Lebowski House and 6 Other “On The Market” Film & TV Homes You’re Too Poor to Buy - It’s a John Goodman sort of morning. The next link is “overweight preacher beats escaped convict with enormous tree branch, click to see the gallery”. [UPROXX]

Supercut: Cinema’s Greatest Mirror Pep Talks - I love these and wish I knew how to make them. I wouldn’t have good concepts, either, I’d just make a supercut of every time somebody said “Gump” in Forrest Gump. Then people would stop going to Film Drunk :( [Film Drunk|

13 Things You Didn't Know About Saved by the Bell - To be fair, I knew most of these. So it's like four things you didn't know about Saved By The Bell. Or, if you're a normal person, 13 Things You Didn't Know About Saved By The Bell. [Unreality]

Let’s face it, a lot of these player-made “viral” videos aren’t viral at all. They suck. But thank Benjamin Franklin for Philadelphia Phillies’ Jimmy Rollins and Ryan Howard, who finally bucked the trend with “Baseball Fantasy Camp with Ryan Howard and Jimmy Rollins.” It’s really well done with genuinely funny moments. It’s not all, “Hi, I’m a douchebag endorsing Starter and all this other stupid made-up crap.” Does this qualify as a second consecutive baseball post? Let’s hope not.via.

journo-porn has struck again, this time in the Red Sox clubhouse.

"So much for wearing these clothes home," [manager Terry] Francona cracked, the beer-and-champagne mix dripping down his bald head, into his eyes, past his chin, and onto the red underclothes that he still wore.

But that was nothing compared to the double dose of champagne Theo Epstein took from Schilling and Papelbon, an explosion of the sticky liquid sending him shooting across the clubhouse floor…

I commend the author, Amalie Benjamin, on her impressive ability to make deadline while typing with only one hand.  God knows I could never do that.  If I ever got the chance to report from the showers of the women's beach volleyball tour, the only deadline I'd make is the next morning's police blotter — as a victim of sexual assault!  Because the women, they cannot resist!

(Thanks to Dan and Mike for the tips!)