Carolina Panthers backup quarterback Jimmy Clausen is no stranger to controversy, as he had a couple run-ins with the law during his days at Notre Dame. But now, like any good bordering-on-obsolete athlete, he’s using Twitter to fight his biggest battles. This week, Clausen’s main event match is against none other than Supercuts, the place where impatient moms take their kids to look acceptable for yearbook photos. *points to self*

Clausen apparently popped into his local Supercuts yesterday to look sharp for his team photo, which is being taken today, and he was none too pleased with the result. He was angry enough that he vented on Twitter. Sadly, no photo was attached.

Of course, it didn’t take long for someone to point out the obvious.

But shortly after, Supercuts came calling with a formal apology.

Read the rest of this entry »

In an announcement akin to holding a Christmas present that feels like it’s jeans and opening it to find out that, yep, it’s jeans, the Carolina Panthers have made rookie Cam Newton their official Week 1 starter against the Arizona Cardinals. To date, Newton has thrown one (1) 10-yard touchdown pass in handful of preseason appearances, but according to Panthers head coach Ron Rivera, that speaks for itself.

“It speaks for itself,” Rivera said. “With what Cam’s done and the direction we’re headed with this football team, in all honesty he is our starter. He is going to grow as a starter and we’re going to grow as a football team. It’s not just about him. It’s about the rest of us growing in our system.

“We didn’t draft Cam to the be savior. We drafted him to help lead this football team.”

Derek Anderson will be his back-up, with Jimmy Clausen sitting in the locker room somewhere practicing his John 16:33 facepaint, because Carolina totally needed a Tim Tebow that no one wants.

Unless you count the time he sang Justin Bieber in public, nothing about Cam Newton’s preseason was damning. Normal rookie mistakes, like locking onto receivers early, throwing into double-coverage and not being able to accurately hit a three-man target. He’s got a strong arm, he moves well and he looks more confident every time he plays … and if the Panthers really wanted the lowest-possible-rent Michael Vick, why not go ahead and start him?

“I did but I didn’t expect anything given to me. It doesn’t stop here. I can’t sit back and say I’ve arrived because we have a long way to go,” said Newton.

Some people are looking at the situation a little differently.

Read the rest of this entry »

Jimmy Clausen has been one of the worst quarterbacks in the NFL this season, and that’s not hyperbole. Look at this. He really is terrible at just about everything. Two touchdowns and eight interceptions. At this point, just rename the Panthers to the Carolina SMHs. Excuse me, let me pick up that Internet lingo I dropped down.

Some dude named Steve Reed at Carolina Growl did a comparison Stanford QB Andrew Luck, most certainly the No. 1 draft pick this year, to Clausen. As a sidenote, Luck hasn’t declared for the draft yet, as he isn’t sure if he wants to deal with the pros in a year where there might not even be football.

Let’s look at my favorite categories he compared:

What they say about him
Luck: CBS Sports draft analyst Rob Rang called Luck the best prospect he’s ever scouted.
Clausen: Panthers wide receiver Steve Smith said of Clausen, “He has a lot to learn (about being an NFL quarterback). He’s not at Notre Dame anymore.”

Education
Luck: Is getting a degree in architectural design and has a 3.5 GPA at Stanford.
Clausen: Graduated from Notre Dame in May with a bachelor of arts degree in sociology.

Here’s a last category I created:

Is Jimmy Clausen
Luck: No
Clausen: Yes

To sum it up, everyone loves Luck, and Clausen’s own teammates think he sucks. Also, Luck is really smart, and Clausen got a degree in sociology. Bachelor of arts? More like bachelor of FARTS! Seriously, this is the quality cut of comedy you get from me.

I know you’re supposed to give time for young quarterbacks to develop, but there’s a difference between having some things to smooth out and just being downright awful. Clausen was never projected to be a stellar quarterback and was never really that impressive in college anyway, in his stats or in his leadership. Should Luck declare, there’s no way he doesn’t get picked first. Clausen can find a great career in the form of a UFL jersey. If Luck doesn’t declare? Kyle Orton, you’re our winner tonight! Come on down!