Even though Jim Tressel’s torso is well-insulated on game day, it hasn’t stopped members of his team from being paranoid about a flu outbreak, so he’s taught his team a way to shake hands that will surely be embraced by overrated underachievers everywhere.

Jim Tressel said, “S’happening,” today.[..] The slang was in reference to the “elbow bumps,” actually more like forearm bumps, that the Ohio State training staff is recommending Ohio State football players employ in place of handshakes as the Buckeyes hope to prevent passing the flu through the team.[..]

OSU punter Jon Thoma was sick for Saturday’s game against Toledo, but Tressel didn’t know if that had been identified as a strain of H1N1 flu. There are no other reports of sick Ohio State players at the moment. via.

Tressel also endorses pulling out after sex, which is great if you’re ever in, you know, a woman’s presence. I don’t see what the big deal about that is. As long as you finish before they wake up, they really don’t seem to care.

Jim Tressel and his Ohio State Buckeyes are about 36 hours away from the beating of a lifetime at the hands of Southern Cal and their true freshman quarterback. But seriously, the Men of Troy recruit so well, I wonder how they would do if they suited up their backups and let them play a full Pac-10 schedule. How would that team finish? Fifth? Better than fifth?

Anyway, here’s Tressel talking about how Terrelle Pryor wrote “MIKE VICK” on his eye black last week (a la Tim Tebow’s “JOHN 3:16″). Sometimes pissing off white people is a little too easy. But coach yammers on for minutes on end and makes absolutely no point whatsoever. Look forward to more eloquence Saturday night after Tressel tries to explain how he let Pete Carroll out of Columbus with a win. via.

Listen, I don't have a vendetta against Ohio (Oohi) State.  I'm just here to make fun of idiots.  And while Buckeye fans certainly don't comprise a majority of the sports idiots out there, they do seem to bray louder than their brethren.  Case in point: let's pretend your favorite college football team just got embarrassed in the national championship game for the second year in a row.  Take a minute to think about what you would do.  Go ahead, think about it — what would your response to the world be?

If your answer is I'd use my rhyme skills to make a rap song that samples "We Are the Champions" and talks trash about how awesome we are, congratulations: I'm going to make fun of you.  Retard.

[Awful Announcing]