Back in 2010, five Ohio State Buckeyes football players were exposed for their roles in a horrifying murder-for-hire operation that included then-standout quarterback Terrelle Pryor, who was wanted by both the FBI and Interpol for his role in hundreds of global leader assassinations as far back as the 1830s. Wait, no. Sorry. I meant that five Ohio State players exchanged autographs for tattoos, cash and rental cars, among other things. And the whole world looked on in shock and terror, because never could we believe that people would take advantage of teenage athletes by dangling money in front of their faces.

Ultimately, the scandal revealed that as many as 28 players were involved and it led to former coach Jim Tressel’s resignation after it was revealed that he was well aware of his players’ side deals, and he had also been using ineligible players in 2010. Tressel was found to have violated an NCAA bylaw and he was accused of lying to the NCAA when he was questioned about these improper benefits. But with credit to THE university’s leadership, OSU officials did show some balls for forcing the Jim to “retire” and voluntarily forfeiting all wins from the 2010 season. Too bad the NCAA ain’t care, and the Buckeyes were slapped with a postseason ban for this season.

A funny thing happens, though, when a team is 11-0 with no prospect of playing in the Big 10 championship game or even the BCS Championship Game – fans get super pissed off. So much so that they create crazy petitions demanding that President Barack Obama “pardon” their football team.

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Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay is the kind of guy who’d be a 52-year old multimillionaire and have his Twitter icon be a picture of himself playing guitar, so it shouldn’t be surprising that he’d offer two Super Bowl tickets to whatever random person could predict the new Colts head coach. It would also not be surprising if he propped up a cardboard box with a stick, put Super Bowl tickets under it, then pulled the stick away when you crawled under to grab them.

The contest, via @JimIrsay:

However, like any contest suddenly proposed by a rich person, there are rules:

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… but then she cried and they found out her fantasy league was full of made-up players without faces, so they’re probably just going to let her play.

Jim Tressel, however, is not so lucky. In a good and fair move (in response to a move that seemed pretty shifty), the Indianapolis Colts have decided to suspend the employment of their new gameday consultant and former Ohio State head coach for the first six games of the season, giving him more or less the same treatment ex-OSU quarterback Terrelle Pryor got when the league suspended him for five. The move was reportedly Tressel’s own, decided upon after meeting with the team.

A statement from Colts president Bill Polian included the following, so decide how phony you think everyone is as you go:

“After the announcement of Coach Jim Tressel’s agreement to join the Colts as a game day consultant, questions were raised with respect to the equity of his appointment as opposed to suspensions being served this season by present and former Ohio State players.

“Over the weekend Coach Tressel, Mr. Irsay, Coach Caldwell and I had a discussion of the issue. In addition, we had a conversation with league officials to apprise them of the details of Coach Tressel’s employment and the issues we were reviewing.

“At Coach Tressel’s suggestion, and with Mr. Irsay’s concurrence and support, we have decided to begin Coach Tressel’s employment effective with our seventh regular season game. We have informed the league office of our decision and expect that they will be supportive of it.

“We are very happy Coach Tressel will be joining us.”

I’m still not 100-percent on the whole “getting suspended by the NFL for NCAA violations” thing, and as Yahoo commenter soxfannh astutely put it before deciding to use the word “retarded”, it’s like “being sent home from a job at Burger King because you dropped a few hamburger buns on the floor while you worked at McDonald’s”. Tressel making the noble choice to sit as punishment for crimes they wouldn’t have hired him in the NFL over if anyone actually cared about them seems like a really empty gesture, and only works as appropriate when you consider the logic gaps it fills in and the class difference it helps balance. You either have to care about the violations or not care about them. Don’t hire him if he did a bunch of bad stuff, or hire him in spite of the bad stuff because it doesn’t matter. One or the other.

Besides, does anyone really think Tressel is going to wake up on the morning after game six and feel like he’s finally paid back his debt to society? Is he going to go straight, only to be drawn back in for one big score when an Indy car dealership decides to cut him a deal because they like the Colts?

[h/t everyone around to write about sports on Labor Day]

It looks like Terrelle Pryor is going to be making that face for while. He’s finally been allowed into the NFL … but not really.

From a breaking report currently destroying Twitter, by way of the Associated Press:

Former Ohio State quarterback Terrelle Pryor was declared eligible for Monday’s NFL supplemental draft but must sit out the first five games after he signs a contract.

The NFL announced Thursday he was eligible, along with five other players. Pryor gave up his final season with the Buckeyes following an NCAA investigation into the football team’s memorabilia-for-cash scandal. He would’ve had to sit out five games at Ohio State if he had chosen to return to school.

The league informed clubs that Pryor “made decisions that undermine the integrity of the eligibility rules for the NFL draft.” Among those, the league said, was his failure to cooperate with the NCAA and hiring of an agent in violation of NCAA rules.

Is it weird to anybody else that the NFL can suspend somebody who doesn’t play in the NFL?

“God bless and thanks for support!” Pryor wrote on his Twitter page. “Time to have a little fun!!” At no point does Pryor point out that Brandon Marshall was only suspended for one game on a domestic violence charge, but he’s got to sit five because he sold and traded things. He doesn’t mention how deep the various college football scandals are starting to run, and that if everyone who got a perk or a wad of cash or a free gift when they were supposed to be a pro bono athlete had to sit five games we’d see more action in a lockout.

He doesn’t mention how great of an idea it would be for the Cleveland Cavaliers to draft him and forever sign him away from a sports organization that would punish him for not being punished enough in college.

Remember that 12-1 season that the Buckeyes just enjoyed, including their Sugar Bowl win over Arkansas? No you don’t, because Ohio State just said that it never happened. THE university announced earlier today that the football program is vacating its 2010 season as part of a self-imposed punishment. The program will also start a two-year probationary period today.

The powers that be in Columbus is hoping that firing Jim Tressel and forfeiting an entire season would be enough to dodge the NCAA’s wrath. While that remains to be seen, the glaring oddities of Ohio State’s self-flagellation included (a) no deduction in scholarships, and (b) no ban on postseason appearances. What gives, yo?

The university argues that Tressel’s “integrity and proven history of promoting rules compliance,” combined with his team’s improving academic performance and other factors, should mitigate the severity of any NCAA sanctions.[..]

The fallout from the scandal has included the resignation of Tressel, the partial-season suspension of six players, and quarterback Terrelle Pryor’s decision to skip his senior season and turn pro.

–THE Columbus Dispatch.

We’ve mentioned before that this makes Ohio State a repeat violator and eligible for the NCAA’s death penalty, a measure that Gene Smith and the athletic department are obviously desperate to avoid. The more of “Tat-Gate” that can be pinned on Tressel, the less culpability the school has for lack of institutional control, which would figure to be a key ingredient if the NCAA were to deem Ohio State’s probation insufficient.

Which they probably will.

It’s worth pointing out again that Ohio State is being punished because their players decided to sell and trade stuff that was legally theirs. NCAA violation or no, college football’s governing body is running out of time to drop the guise of “amateurism” on its own terms. Schools can’t sign billion-dollar TV deals and then cry about how money shouldn’t be an issue with compensating student-athletes. Letting players cash in on their own likenesses would be a start to that. Usually when someone cites “the greater good,” it’s just another way of saying that some guy’s about to get screwed. Again.

Jim Tressel was not a great football coach, but a good football coach with great resources. Your dad could roll out of bed on game day and get seven wins a year coaching the Buckeyes. The resources of the crown jewel of Ohio State’s athletic program are that rich and that vast, and Tressel did as much with those resources as anyone. During his ten years in Columbus, Tressel won a national title, seven Big Ten titles, and beat Michigan every year, save one. That alone will keep the memories of the sweater vest parading the sidelines in a positive hue for generations to come, despite his ominous resignation yesterday. But don’t expect to see The Senator take up another term elsewhere; he won’t be coming back. Ever.

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