And when all else fails, just reference Star Wars, whether it fits your product or not.

How is it that Next Media Animation, the same news team who turned Ndamukong Suh into a zombie and showed Jerry Jones murder a child with fire breath, can so succinctly get to the heart of Super Bowl ads and why we’re all sheepish pieces of sh*t for enjoying them? They’ve got Volkswagen’s number with the Star Wars quote, and I’m pretty sure every GoDaddy.com writers’ meeting begins with a naked dancing lady with XXX across her chest. If Dennis Haysbert ever kills a guy with an insurance check and makes out with his widow they’ll be straight-up prophets.

It’s also pretty sad that Taiwanese animation, with all its hyperbolic imagery and blunt, warped English, could be less intellectually offensive than actual Super Bowl ads. Not necessarily the Bud Frogs or Betty White (who Taiwan makes look more like Martha Plimpton than Betty White) getting footballed for Snickers, but have you seen Danica Patrick and Jillian Michaels bodypainting a model and getting all hot and bothered over Dot Co domain names? If you go to GoDaddy.com you can see more! On GoDaddy.com they show boobies, and the women make out and Danica Patrick gets f**ked with a fitness roller, I’m assuming!

Via Warming Glow:

Read the rest of this entry »

It looks like Funny Or Die has officially embraced the longstanding Tosh.0 tradition of cramming your funny video full of sports celebrities to get it covered everywhere on the Internet — just a week after they recast Dennis Haysbert as Terrence Mann in a Twilight-flavored Field of Dreams sequel, Funny Or Die has revisited the Kenny Powers K-Swiss endorsement by having him take over the company and stock it with everyone from Matt Cassel to Rey Mysterio.

Watch the full video below, with two major warnings:

1. It is extremely funny, and
2. It features Kenny Powers, so please anticipate the foul language and adult situations that result.

This includes boob mugs and high-fiving dead animals.

Because this is also television related, be sure to head over to Warming Glow and watch all the awesome follow-up and behind-the-scenes videos that go along with it. Who knew you could bottle the scent … of boner?

[h/t Cajun Boy]

Gorgeous tennis-nobody turned gorgeous regular-nobody Anna Kournikova is set to return to American consciousness (and, no doubt, to every men’s magazine known to man) as a “sports trainer” for the next season of “The Biggest Loser.” It’s the perfect job for Kournikova, who is both super-fit and a colossal loser.

Her bio on the announcement tells the story.

Anna Kournikova has been playing tennis most of her life, first debuting at the 1996 U.S. Open, aged only 15-years-old. She was voted ESPN’s hottest female athlete in 2002 and made People magazine’s list of the ‘Most Beautiful People in the World’ in 1998, 2000, 2002 and 2003.

Notice how they jump straight from “she debuted in tennis” to “she was found to be extremely hot during the following years” without any accolades or accomplishments between them. Since they didn’t mention it, Anna also ranked just behind Martina Hingis on the list of tennis-related things I masturbated to in the 1990s.

I think she’ll do a fine job on the show, but she’ll need to add a testicle and a crate of horse tranq if she’s going to be anything like Jillian Michaels. Jillian left the show to concentrate on starting a family, which is gonna be hard, because I’m pretty sure she had her vagina removed to make room for an extra quadricep.

[H/T Off the Bench]