Olympic gold medalist and guy who trademarked the word “JEAH”, Ryan Lochte turned 28-years old on August 3, which was almost 8 weeks ago, and that’s important to remember because he was the guest of honor at Liv in Miami this past weekend, as he celebrated his birthday. At some point Locthe morphed into a sorority girl turning 21, because even if the excuse is that he didn’t have a real birthday because he was in London, that’s BS, because by all accounts the 2012 Summer Olympics was one giant orgy.
The aspiring actor even got behind the turntables (read: a bro’s Air Mac) to play DJ at his own party, but the big news is that he made a new best bro in Michael “The Situation” Sorrentino. Is anyone on this planet even surprised at this point?
As SummerSlam draws closer, the plots surrounding the two World Championships have begun to thicken considerably. For the past several weeks, it seemed like the champions were well on the road to retaining their titles, handling their opposition with relative ease and a solid game plan, re-establishing their dominance at each turn. Now, though, WWE Champion CM Punk and World Heavyweight Champion Sheamus find themselves mired in circumstances potentially beyond their control as the summer classic approaches. How will the champs respond? (via WWE.com)
In other Raw news, ‘Jersey Shore’s’ DJ Pauly D will guest star, which should be f**king delightful.
A couple of reminders … I’m going to be in California this week for SummerSlam, and Burny’s going to be holding down the fort while I’m gone. I don’t do this enough in these wrestling columns and threads, but consider reading the rest of the site, would you? I usually work crummy wrestling jokes into places they don’t belong anyway. Even if you don’t like sports a lot, you’ll find something to enjoy. Anyway, me being live for SummerSlam means I’m going to try (key word: try) to have a Best And Worst Of WWE SummerSlam 2012 Live column ready to go before I board a plane on Monday morning, so look out for that, as well as our normal SummerSlam discussion thread opening this Friday.
As always, the 10 best comments from tonight’s open discussion thread will be featured in tomorrow’s Best And Worst of WWE Raw report. To nominate a comment for top 10 status, please reply to it with a +1. If it’s a racist comment and it has like fifteen +1s after it, I’m going to use it as a top comment just to shame you and look like a hypocrite.
Kate Upton Gloriously Rejects Darren Rovell’s Valentine’s Day Advances On National TV - If you’re sick of reading about Kate Upton on With Leather, now you can read about her everywhere ELSE on UPROXX! Backlash! Now we’re all Ariel Meredith fans! [UPROXX]
This Man Has Tattoos of Every Major League Baseball Mascot - This Man Is Awesome. [Brobible]
Owen Wilson Balls So Hard In ‘Niggas In Midnight In Paris’ - Someone should rap behind clips of every Woody Allen movie. Do you think Big Bear has seen Stardust Memories? [UPROXX]
Important Dating Advice From The Ladies of ‘Jersey Shore’ - “Ladies, expect your man to not be a normal human being! He should be a weird color and have crazy rage issues. You’ll live happily ever after!” [Warming Glow]
Music’s 5 Newest Illuminati Inductees - Can we induct Chris Brown into the “getting shot out of a cannon into the sun”-inati? [Smoking Section]
The Superhero Movie Guilt Calculator — How Badly Did the Comics Industry Screw the Creators Behind 2012′s Superhero Blockbusters? - Not as badly as they screwed the creators of Daredevil by making that Daredevil movie where he throws dudes in front of subway trains. [Gamma Squad]
The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 2/13/12 Embraces Hate, Melodrama, Wheelchair Violence - Seriously, whether you like wrestling or not, read pages 6 and 7 of this report. Funniest Raw in history. [With Leather]
The Dark Knight Rises Stole Our Food Truck Idea! - If they’re calling Batman’s plane “The Bat”, they should change the name of the Batmobile to “The Man”. [Film Drunk]
30 Surreal Photos Of A Chinese Sex Toy Factory - This is best read pretending some Chinese equivalent of Veruca Salt is up in the foreman’s office yelling I WANT A DIL-DOE ROIT NOW! [Buzzfeed]
What’s Your Sloth Name? - Brandon? I guess? I don’t know. [HuffPost Comedy]
Greg Brady, Danny Partridge, Sherilyn Fenn, Johnny Fever, Alice Cooper, and Bigfoot. Together Finally - I was hoping this was gonna be a reboot of The Stand. Oh well, close enough. [FARK]
Guess How Much Chris Pine Made For ‘This Means War’ - I can’t imagine there’s a single person in the world that says, “oh, Chris Pine is in that movie? I’ll have to go see it!” Five million dollars? You could’ve gotten JGL for like 1/5th of that. [Moviefone]
10 Things You Didn’t Know About Whitney Houston - Thing 11: She has nothing, nothing, nothing. If she don’t have you. [Popcrush]
If the heads of the World Boxing Council, Federation and Association were looking for something that could recapture the public’s fascination and fanfare of their corrupt sport, I’m not sure this latest bit of boxing news is going to do the trick. As if it wasn’t bad enough that Floyd Mayweather was sent to jail for beating his girlfriend, thus delaying his fight with Manny Pacquiao that will never happen, the boxing world now has a promoter that rivals Don King for terrible hair… Snooki.
Team Snooki Boxing is made up of the three Irish Hyland brothers – Patrick ‘Pajo’, Eddie and Paul. Each has a long list of accomplishments and Irish championships under their belt. “We are incredibly excited to introduce The Hyland Brothers and Team Snooki Boxing,” the VP of Final Round Promotions, Mike Pascale, said. “We’ve seen what these boys can do, and expect nothing less than continued success and ‘living up to the hype’ for each of them here in the States.”
The brothers will fight for the first time ever on the same card in the U.S. when they take part in the “Irish Invasion” event on January 28 at the Resorts Casino Hotel in Atlantic City. “That’s awesome,” responded the elderly people who still go to Atlantic City.
Even though this seems like it’s the straight-to-DVD sequel of The Great White Hype – one of the most underrated sports movies of all-time – I’m willing to give this new promotion the benefit of the doubt. After all, for being one of the most exploited gimmick characters in TV history, Snooki has somehow created quite the empire for herself, with a best-selling book and even her own fragrance.
He’s won the Heisman Trophy, two BCS National Championships and had his pants sell for $5,000 on eBay, but now Denver Broncos sorta-quarterback Tim Tebow is winning the awards that really matter … like the fifth annual Zillow Celebrity Neighbor Survey. Yes, that is a thing. It “asks Americans which celebrities they would most like to have as their neighbor, as well as celebs with whom they wouldn’t dare share a fence” and Tebow is on top. The Jersey Shore people are on the bottom, as usual.
U.S. adults would most like to be neighbors with Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow, whose unshakable attitude and consistent displays of faith during games (a.k.a. “Tebowing”) has bolstered much media attention during the last year. The survey showed the 24-year-old athlete’s popularity was significantly higher among males (14 percent) compared to females (7 percent).
Celebrity super couples Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux received 10 percent and 9 percent of the vote, respectively.
He’s a kindhearted gentleman and you get an endless supply of footballs lost in your yard!
Also, how funny is it that Justin Theroux is considered one-half of a “celebrity super couple”? I get that he’s dating a lady who was on ‘Friends’, but damn, being Leslie Knope’s worst boyfriend for four episodes and playing a cowboy in Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion don’t make you an A-lister. I agree with most of the rest of the list (including Nancy Grace ranking on both lists, because whatever, people are stupid in both directions), but I would love to have Lindsay Lohan as a neighbor. She’s never home, and when she IS there’s a chance she’ll be naked and falling all over me. Also, it would mean I’m rich enough to live in Lindsay Lohan’s neighborhood.
I don’t think I could sit through 90 minutes of The Farrelly Brothers’ The Three Stooges update, but thankfully the minute-46 version highlights what I’m sure will be the very best part — Sports Illustrated model and America’s Best Girl Kate Upton’s uncredited cameo as nun in a bikini. There you go, the only reason to watch this instead of the myriad of Three Stooges shorts available on DVD for a dollar everywhere DVDs are sold.
I’m happy to see Kate’s acting career taking off. This is the follow-up to her critically acclaimed turn as ‘Mr. Hightower’s Mistress’ in Brett Ratner’s Tower Heist, which was the follow-up to her first big commercial hit, drinking SoBe while people try not to look at her boobs.
After the jump, you can watch what I’m guessing is her entire scene (joke: she is hot) in the middle of the HD pratfalling mess.
UPDATE: And now, thanks to With Leather magistrate Matt Ufford we’ve added a 1080p gallery of the better moments of the trailer for your enjoyment.