Now that New Orleans is back,**the Saints don’t really need Jeremy Shockey. According to a report from Jay Glazer of Fox Sports, the Saints are terminating Shockey’s contract. But who will drop balls in the end zone now?

*looks at Reggie Bush*

Shockey, 30, caught 41 balls for the Saints in 2010; that was a career low for him and a very unimpressive reason to retain him at the $4.508 million he supposedly was scheduled to earn in 2011. That money will probably go to the 20 prospective Saints free agents that didn’t wind up in Vegas hospitals.

Finally, Allen Iverson has a buddy.

**not really back.

I don’t think of Jeremy Shockey as a man so much as a piece of public lice on a protein-heavy diet. So I couldn’t help but get a little grossed out when I saw that he was actively whoring himself out on Facebook for dates.

[all sic'd] Ok LADIES heres the contest.. Post a video on the “just fans” section of my fbk fan page explaining why u deserve to have me take u on a date 1 nite this offseason… Contest ends sun night 4/18 at 8pm est… Lets have fun w this so be creative but just be careful its not too inappropriate where fbk deletes it!! good luck!!! –Shockey FB page, via Last Angry Fan.

What are you waiting for, ladies? It’s the opportunity to get that millionaire strand of Shockey AIDS. I hear it makes coins grow around your pubic area. Alright, now we’re just getting gross. But seriously, any woman deserves whatever they get with this guy. He’s like the white Tiger Woods. Except for that whole cheating thing. And he doesn’t play golf. But other than that, just like Tiger Woods! Read the rest of this entry »

Jeremy Shockey and Houston Texans defender DeMeco Ryans got into a bit of a tussle during a recent Saints-Texans scrimmage. And I think this clearly demonstrates the Frank Dreben Rule of Boxing–never bet on the white guy. Shockey gets face-masked by Ryans and thrown to the turf, and then everybody runs in to break it up. Aw, come on guys, it was just getting started.

After watching the replay, it looks like DeMeco gets a handful of jersey on Shockey there in the hook zone as Shockey fails to come up with the catch. Why? If it’s not for a score or notable game, Shockey’s dropping that ball anyway.

New Orleans Saints tight end/waste of life Jeremy Shockey has been in and out of the hospital after he was found unconscious in a room at the Hard Rock in Las Vegas, and what happened in Vegas apparently did not stay in Vegas.

Shockey was taken Sunday from the Hard Rock Hotel to a local hospital, where he was treated and released, Saints spokesman Greg Bensel said.

Shockey was found unconscious in a hotel room while attending a pool party called Rehab, the New York Post reported Monday.

“Rehab” is a bit ironic since Shockey was being treated for dehydration. If he were a true offensive lineman, he would have died, which would have been fine with everyone. Nobody would have missed the white Freddie Mitchell, especially if he would have died the same way Elvis did–overweight, off his game, and in a pool of his own filth. Maybe next year.

|UPI, imgs from Busted Coverage, TMZ|

Is it surprising that Jeremy Shockey is underperforming again after returning from hernia surgery? Or is it more surprising that some team was actually stupid/desperate/bored enough to trade for Shockey in the offseason? Or are you more surprised that I wear women’s clothing when I perform my lounge act down by the lake? It’s more of a revue, actually. The Red Zone had Shockey’s take on his game against Carolina yesterday, and it featured much more finger-pointing than cross-dressing:

“I had a fumble that hurt the team. I missed a backside cutoff block,” Shockey said. “That’s on me, 14 points I felt like I gave up today, not because of effort, but just because physically I’m not healthy.”

Shockey said he may have come back too soon from the surgery, and also indicated the Saints erred by misdiagnosing him in training camp.

“I’m worried that this thing could have been taken care of in camp, like it should have been,” said Shockey, who the Saints acquired from the New York Giants in July for two draft picks. “If it wasn’t misdiagnosed in camp like it was there’d have been no problems. … Next time I know. When I get hurt I’ll get three or four opinions besides just the team’s.” [...]

It’s the team’s fault he sucks!  In a way, it is, since the Saints are the reason he’s still in the league. Not only is Shockey a pompous ass who can’t accept responsibility for being a mediocre pro, I bet he looks horrible in a dress. I mean, look at the guy. What self-respecting degenerate would want to hollow him out?

It's been a slow afternoon around here.  Well, not so much slow in terms of news, but slow in that I don't feel like working.  Hey, you go through not feeling like working every day, I should at least get two hours every month.

So I leave you today with this campaign poster (as seen on EDSBS).  He's already lived in key swing states (college at Miami) and has resided in both traditionally red and blue states (Oklahoma and New York).  And you know he wouldn't let something like Hurricane Katrina happen again in his new home.  He would walk up and down the edge of the levy, yelling at it and exhorting it not to break.  That's the kind of passion Jeremy Shockey brings to the job, people.