Maybe you should try singing an answering machine message to the ‘Greatest American Hero’ theme instead. (via The Nosebleeds)

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An Ant-Man Movie Is Happening. For Reals This Time |Gamma Squad|

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"I hate you so much, I hope someone takes advantage of our horrific payroll so we lose you."

While ESPN’s NBA experts and their “SOURCES! WE HAVE SOURCES!” are suggesting that the New York Knicks will simply let Jeremy Lin walk to the Houston Rockets, there is still chatter that their decision has not been made. The reason that the Knicks would let Lin just go to the Houston Rockets is because they’d rather have a stable of guys in their late 30s the Rockets’ offer was designed to significantly punish the Knicks in the third year of Lin’s deal. The Knicks would end up paying more than $30 million for just Lin, thanks to the new luxury tax penalty.

Hence, Carmelo Anthony’s reaction: “It’s up to the organization to say they want to match that ridiculous contract that’s out there.”

But a lot of people took that as Anthony not liking Lin, because everyone already thinks he doesn’t like Lin. But hey you guys, that’s wrong, okay? Anthony totally wants the guy his team can’t afford back.

“I would love to see him back, honestly. I would definitely love to see him back. But knowing the business of basketball, it’s a tough situation, kind of for both of our sides. With Jeremy, I know he definitely wants to be back in New York and Dolan definitely wants him back. So it’s just a matter of figuring it out.” (Via Newsday)

I’ve read a ton of opinions on this, and everybody seems to have facts that support letting him walk – specifically this report – and/or keeping him. But this is the Knicks we’re talking about. They have paid out some stupid, STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPID money in the past. This is smart money. And I’m not just saying that because this could effectively save the Orlando Magic’s hope of fleecing the Rockets in a Dwight Howard deal.

That has absolutely zero influence on me. *whistles innocently*

UPDATE: Jeremy Lin will apparently be a Houston Rocket.

This is a great one, if only for Carmelo Anthony operating, then bogarting the spotlight.

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Did Jay Cutler Sing Worst ‘Take Me Out To The Ballgame’ Of All-Time? |With Leather|

Nikki Finke Threatened To “Destroy” Bret Easton Ellis |Film Drunk|

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The Best Of Non-Spoilery #Bane GIFs |UPROXX|

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"Congrats on that trophy, now get the heck out of my town."

Here’s an abridged version of the NBA offseason to date: The lockout changed nothing, owners didn’t learn, nor did they want to learn, because they’re still giving out awful contracts, and they just wanted to make sure they’d get more back from the league so they’d stop losing money. I think that pretty much sums it up, as the majority of teams’ decisions have been absolutely baffling to this point, including the situation of one Jeremy Shu-How Lin.

The decision could come today or it could be made on Wednesday, but either way, it appears that the New York Knicks are cutting ties with their out-of-nowhere phenom point guard, despite his incredible emergence last season and everything he instantly meant for Knicks fans. Oh, and there’s the matter of his marketability, too. But now it appears that the Knicks will not match the offer sheet that Lin signed with the Houston Rockets for 3-years, $25.1 million. The reason? It’s either because of the luxury tax or that Carmelo Anthony hates Lin. Regardless, Linsanity is probably goin’ to Texas, y’all.

Knicks fans are rightfully upset – and some realize it’s probably for the better – because Lin seemed like the positive alternative to the same old Knicks BS of superstar Anthony’s me-first attitude or signing Jason Kidd’s old balls – with a fresh DWI to add to the fun – so I called upon the greatest, most loyal Knicks fans that I know to tell us how they really feel. Take it away, exotic dancers of Rick’s Cabaret.

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Illinois representative Luis Gutierrez knows the secrets to arguing about important, real-life things on the Internet — sarcasm, topicality and, if possible, Justin Bieber-related photoshops. He also knows that if you mention sports guys, sports sites can report it as Sports News.

In sports news:

Rep. Luis Gutierrez took to the House floor on Wednesday morning to address Arizona’s immigration law — particularly the portion of it that the Supreme Court refrained from striking down. Railing against what he saw as the inherent racial profiling in the policy, Gutierrez hammered his point with what was basically a game of Guess Which One’s The Immigrant.

Beside an easel that presented side-by-side pictures of the celebrities he invoked, Gutierrez said the “show me your papers” aspect of Arizona’s policy isn’t just a problem for anyone who looks “like they might have come to America from somewhere else. It’s a problem for every American who cares about freedom.” Sarcastically commending Arizona law enforcement for being able to discern undocumented immigrants not by their looks, Gutierrez said, “Maybe with practice we can all become like Arizona politicians and police officers who are able to telepathically determine who to accuse of not belonging in America.”

Guess Which One’s The Immigrant includes an amazing pronunciation of “Geraldo Rivera”, segues into Justin Bieber learning about his adopted homeland from Selena Gomez and peaks with California’s Jeremy Lin being compared/contrasted with Belgium’s Tony Parker. The only way he could’ve made it more applicable to the Internet would be a page that was nothing but the Kate Upton GQ cover so he could point at it, say “this is Kate Upton” and flip to the next page without mentioning immigrants.

He’s making a good point. No law should exist where you can legally just look at somebody and decide they’re something. That’s day one manners. Get your shit together, Arizona, and don’t make Gutierrez break out the cat memes.

[h/t That NBA Lottery Pick]

Indiana Pacers center and Parks and Rec guest star Roy Hibbert joined free agent Jeremy Lin on Jimmy Kimmel Live the other night for a segment called Skype Scavenger Hunt, and the whole thing (included after the jump) was fantastic, because Hibbert and Lin have great personalities and Kimmel has a strange way of bringing out the best in people.

But the star of the clip is Nala, Hibbert’s $3,000 French bulldog. Look at that derpy little face! God, I just want to grab that little pooch and put it in a Baby Bjorn and stand outside of Kate Upton’s apartment with it. Normally I’d scoff at throwing down 3 grand for a pet, but this appears to be a very acceptable investment.

More importantly, though – and this is the real reason that I’m mentioning this clip two days later – it kills me how well Kimmel has proven time and again that he can take even the most boring athletes and make them seem lovable, yet ESPN and ABC treat us to the same, boring pre-game coverage. Sure, ABC gave us a little Kimmel before Game 1, but there should be an entire one-hour segment with his name on it before Game 2.

Instead we’ll probably have Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith shouting at each other again. Hooray.

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