Maria Sharapova advanced to the final of the Birmingham Classic to face Jelena Jankovic today.  The lovely Maria defeated Marion Bartoli 7-5,6-0 in a semifinal match that had some off-court distractions:

Sharapova's match was temporarily delayed when two spectators needed medical assistance. A woman and a child fell down a staircase, leaving the woman unconscious. In another part of the stadium, a man fainted . . . The helicopter seemed to distract Sharapova. The Russian dropped her serve and trailed 5-4 in the first set before winning the next nine games.

No, it wasn't me sexy readers.  Although, I can empathize with a man swooning in the heat while watching the tall Russian beauty's long, athletic legs caress the baseline. Or by seeing the gentle undulation of her bosom between serves.  Or by witnessing the powerful strokes of her racket held in her firm, cocksure grip.  Or by hearing her groans of exhaustion after a long volley. Or . . . whoo, sorry – I'm a little light-headed.  I had better lie down. -KD 

UPDATE: Sharapova lost the final 4-6, 6-3, 7-5.  Let me know if you want a picture of Jelena Jankovic.

Aaron Fotheringham has spinal bifida, is 14 years old, and he takes his wheelchair to the skate park. For real. It's called "hardcore sitting" — seems a bit oxymoronic, but when you see the video you'll understand that it's merely moronic.

This may be hard to believe, but I actually don't make jokes about paralyzed people. That kind of shit will guarantee that you'll get hit by a bus, or have retarded children, or get reassigned to Kansas. No, I actually have to tip my cap to Aaron. If I were in a wheelchair I wouldn't be doing gnarly tricks. I'd be on Day 3,972 of feeling sorry for myself and trying to score heroin. Wait, I'm doing that anyway.

There's more video that shows Aaron landing his backflip here. Bonus: idiotically schmaltzy ending where Aaron shows a younger wheelchair-bound boy some tricks, then they wheel away from the camera together. I can't wait for the TV movie!