I thought he was just a cereal box model, but apparently Jeff Gordon is a champion race car driver and B-Boy.

The breaking of dance occurred during the NASCAR “After the Lap” event in Las Vegas, a championship banquet referred to by the Las Vegas Sun as a “press conference on steroids” that plays out like the last 30 minutes of any Blue Collar Comedy Tour stop, right down having Bill Engvall sit there squinting and laughing while people around him try to be entertaining. The skinny (and white) from SB Nation:

Gordon said he started break-dancing in middle school because that’s what all the cool kids did. In fact, the four-time NASCAR champ said he’d sneak into the bathroom and break-dance every morning before school, because they weren’t allowed to dance in the hallways.

You can check out video of the hip-hoppery after the jump, but be aware that at no point during the clip does he accidentally kick Bill Engvall in the face.

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This year's section of the SI Swimsuit Issue dedicated to athletes' wives brings us photos Michelle Damon (wife of overpaid Yankees CF Johnny), Ingrid Vandebosch (wife of NASCAR's Jeff Gordon), Carmella Garcia (beard of Bucs' QB Jeff), and La La Vazquez (fiancée of the Nuggets' Carmelo Anthony).  And as you can see WAIT WHAT IS CARMELLA WEARING?  I haven't seen a waistline that high since I burned down the old folks' home.  What the hell are they doing covering up her stomach?  They know she was a Playmate, right?  I already have pictures of her stark naked on my hard drive, I don't need photos of her in some upside-down corset. 

This is like when Jenna Jameson quit straight porn and started doing only lesbian scenes.  It's like, hel-loooo, I already have the tape of you getting hollowed out by a group of dudes dressed as members of the Royal Air Force.  I watched it last night.  Don't play coy with me.

won his second consecutive Nextel Cup NASCAR award thingy.  Prior to finishing seventh in yesterday's race at Homestead, Johnson had won four straight Chase races to all but seal the championship, a feat made even more impressive by the way Jeff Gordon drove this season.

Gordon, who finished second in the standings, won six races this year and set a NASCAR record with 30 top-10 finishes.  He also impregnated model Ingrid Vandebosch, who gave birth to his progeny.  Not bad for second place.

NASCAR has by far and away the shortest offseason of any sport, if you're one of those people who consider driving a sport.  I think the new season starts next week, actually.

Donald Trump is rounding up famous people for the first installment of "Celebrity Apprentice," and like most "celebrity" reality shows it will feature people whose careers are already in the shitter or moving quickly in that direction.  And there's a surprising number of sports figures on the list.  Page Six writes:

In the meantime, Trump says he's already signed an eye-popping list of A-listers, B-listers and has-beens to be subjected to his notorious "You're Fired" treatment.  They include: Jim Cramer, Carmen Electra, Joan Rivers, Naomi Judd, George Foreman, original "Apprentice" villain Amorosa, Kimora Lee Simmons, Pete Rose, Dana Patrick, Tony Hawk and Jeff Gordon.

Of course, it's not Amorosa but Omarosa.  And "Dana" Patrick is probably race car driver Danica Patrick, although I suppose it could be Dan Patrick, who has some free time these days.  Whatever, man, it's Page Six.  You want them to give you gossip AND spell names correctly?  Well, Your Majesty, you can take your extra 75 cents and buy a New York Times if you think copy editing is so fucking special.

My money's on Kimora Lee Simmons.  She already knows that the way to get a start in business is to fuck someone with a lot of money.  So unless Carmen Electra puts out for Trump or Danica Patrick learns how to give lap dances, the competition is pretty much over.

By taking the checkered flag at yesterday's Aaron's 499 at Talladega, Jeff Gordon earned his 77th career win, surpassing Dale Earnhardt for fifth place on the all-time wins list (Richard Petty is first with 200).  NASCAR fans expressed their pleasure with Gordon's victory by offering him free beverages, littering the track with beer cans when the race ended.

Obviously, this is a classless, disgusting, dangerous act, and it should only ever be done in European and South American soccer stadiums and wherever Barry Bonds hits his 756th home run.

(The video is from Saturday's Busch Series race.  Not really related to the story, but a lot more fun to watch.) 

I know a lot of you race fans are totally stoked for the Daytona 500 this weekend and disappointed in my lack of coverage about Jeff Gordon being disqualified or that 72-year-old geezer not making the field. It's all such an exciting way to kick off the 13-month-long NASCAR season, I can barely contain my excitement.

But then I saw this tidbit from Ben Maller: 

Mattel has unveiled Dale Earnhardt Jr. and Jeff Gordon Barbie dolls in conjunction with Sunday's race. The NASCAR dolls have Barbie dressed in Gordon and Earnhardt attire and are available for $34.95. Both dolls are in stores now.

As soon as I saw this I emailed 289 frantically: need Photoshop immediately. I can't say I was overly enamored with his work at first, but then I got thinking: hell, I'll wear work boots and Earnhardt gear if it gets me two chicks that hot. The one on the right even looks like my Miami crush Jenny Woo. Probably feels like her, too.

What, you think they look too plastic? Pfff. Goddam purists. The same people who don't like breast implants are the same ones who are still bitching about the designated hitter. Get over it, people. Adapt with the times as they get sexier, or you'll be stuck cheering for the NL forever.