Personally, I feel that the best way to celebrate Jeff Garcia's wedding to Carmella DeCesare last weekend is by looking at naked pictures of the bride.  Mazel tov!

Garcia, newly signed with the Buccaneers, will obviously be sorely missed in the Eagles' clubhouse next year, especially considering how many Eagles made it out to California for his wedding. What's that?  Only one Eagle attended the wedding?  And it was the punter?  Oh man, you can't pay for that kind of leadership.  I say the Bucs go 14-2 next season.

Philadelphia Eagles' running back Brian Westbrook got paid, twice:

Team officials have confirmed that, because of an accounting error, Westbrook was twice awarded a $3 million roster bonus for 2006 that was part of the five-year, $25 million contract extension the five-year veteran signed in November 2005. Westbrook reportedly has acknowledged the overage and agreed to repay the money.

Hey, didn't these guys ever play Monopoly?  When Rich Uncle Pennybags receives an accounting error in his favor, he doesn't give the money back to the bank.  Also, I never mentioned this, but my name is Brian Westbrook.  That extra $3 million is probably for me.  KD is just my nom de plume.  It's all right here on my birth certificate, but let me borrow some Wite-Out® first.

Westbrook's agent could not be reached for comment on the extra bonus . . . it is not clear when, or how, the overage was discovered by the Eagles and Westbrook. 

It may have been discovered when Westbrook's agent called team officials from Grand Cayman and said, "Finders keepers motherf#^*ers!  Mwa, ha, ha, ha . . .!"  This could effect the Eagles salary cap some way.  I'm guessing negatively?  I started day-dreaming about marrying a playmate with my three milldo and didn't finish the article.  Speaking of which, Jeff Garcia is still not an Eagle anymore, and is still scheduled to wed to lovely Carmella sometime this month. -KD 

New Buccaneer quarterback Jeff Garcia, 37, will finally tie the knot with his longtime fiancée, former Playmate of the Year Carmella DeCesare, 24, in April.

And it's about time. Millionaire football player or not, Garcia is old, bald, and ugly, and he's not getting any less old, bald, and ugly. If I had enough ether to convince a decade-plus younger Playmate to marry me there's no way I would tolerate a multi-year engagement. We'd go straight to Vegas, then she'd get chained to the Stairmaster in the basement. Happily ever after.

Anyway, the Fanhaus's Michael David Smith did some stellar e-reporting and found that the couple is registered at Williams & Sonoma. I took a look at what they're asking for, and I was confounded by the fact that they want not just the 1-step stepping stool and the 2-step stepping stool, but the 3-step stepping stool as well. Christ, how many light bulbs do they plan on changing? I mean, once you have the 3-step stepping stool, aren't you kind of set?

Eh, whatever. I'll probably just get them the appletini mix they asked for. I understand that's Jeff's favorite way to unwind after a game. And who can blame him! It's exactly like a martini, but with artificial apple flavor instead of all the gin and vermouth and olives and suave manliness. So basically nothing at all like a martini. However, it's great if you don't have the guts to drink but still want to get drunk. Just like Jeff when Chris Simms takes his job in Week 7, or like Carmella when Jeff turns 45. Mazel tov, you crazy kids!