When the St. Louis Cardinals knocked off the heavily-favored Washington Nationals in the 2012 MLB National League Division Series, it made sense that some fans would be upset. After all, no team can be loved by 100% of baseball fans, not even the classier and more intelligent Cardinals, who are more realistically loved by 98% of fans. But it seems that some Nationals fans have indeed held a grudge against the senior circuit’s perennial underdogs-turned-heroes, and that seething hatred has led to one of the most creative artist’s renderings of a blossoming rivalry that we may ever see.

Created by Reddit user “nats13” – I believe that may be an homage to his favorite baseball team, but my fact checkers are still looking into that – the above portrait features such Nationals stars as Jayson Werth, Tyler Clippard and Kurt Suzuki attacking the Cardinals with an army of laser-equipped dinosaurs. The accuracy is stunning, as the Nats and their powerful army that includes a T-Rex, brontosaurus and pterodactyls are more powerful and advantageous.

However, the underwhelming Cardinals are also well-suited by the stegosaurus and triceratops, which are both noted by historians as the scrappiest and most-efficient dinosaurs. Or I just made that up. Either way, I’m probably going to spend the rest of my day watching Dino Riders.

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The Washington Nationals are on top of the NL East after a hot 7-3 start, but that’s missing what’s important: Nationals Park is now offering a gross $60 dollar cheeseburger named after Stephen Strasburg. Because “burg”, get it.

Weighing eight pounds total (including toppings), the StrasBurger is a monstrous all beef burger (combination of ground brisket, chuck and short ribs). The burger is served on a large burger bun with our secret sauce, American cheese, shredded lettuce, sliced tomatoes, sliced red onions, pickle chips and served with a cone basket of fresh cut fries and a pitcher of your choice of soft drink. This signature dish is the perfect entrée to share at this affordably-priced family restaurant.

Today’s Dugout explores the whos, whats, whens, wheres and (most importantly) whys of the Strasburger. Reader discretion is advised.

Also, Pepto Bismol is advised.

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When Stephen Strasburg blew out his arm last August, MASN analyst and former big leagues pitcher Rob Dibble told him to “suck it up” and play through the pain. When Strasburg’s rehabilitation from Tommy John surgery started moving ahead of schedule, Dibble said there was absolutely no reason to bring Strasburg back. The reason I bring this up is because that is a picture of Stephen Strasburg dressed as Papa Smurf from “The Smurfs”, and right now Dibble is hunched over his computer somewhere hammering out a paragraph about how the Nationals front office has no idea what they’re doing, and how the Snorks, specifically Tooter Snork, would’ve been a much better choice. Because Strasburg isn’t ready to be Allstar. Uh, cough.

According to the Nationals, this is the best thing that has ever happened.

“This is what baseball is about,” Marrero said, “being a rookie and being able to do this with my friends.”

Dress like Smurfs, he meant.

In case you were wondering, yes, that sentence fragment masquerading as a paragraph from the D.C. Sports Blog reports Chris Marrero as having said that “painting yourself blue and pretending to be a Smurf because the veterans made you” is what baseball is all about.

Jayson Werth appeared to be the ringleader, and the Smurf theme song played in continuous loop in the clubhouse during the dressing. F.P. Santangelo said the episode was “definitely” the best rookie hazing he’d ever seen in his baseball life.

I feel like somebody should’ve gotten Jayson Werth to dress up like Gargamel, because getting 10 million dollars to bat .233 is about as helpful to the team as tracking the rookies into the forest and cooking them to death in a cauldron. Maybe next year the rookie hazing theme will be “don’t finish in fourth place”.

[h/t Sportress of Blogitude]

PHILLIES UPDATE: Philadelphia is reportedly the front runner in a bidding war that includes the Kansas City Royals for Jeff Francouer. Bidding war. Francouer. Why did I even wake up today?

UPDATE: The Baltimore Orioles just traded for Mark Reynolds. He hit .198 and struck out 211 times in the NL West last season. In the AL East he may strike out in every at-bat. Your move, Expos!

When news of Jayson Werth’s amazing new contract came over the Twitters last night, I asked myself two questions – 1) How much did the Boston Red Sox give him and B) How could the Sox be so dumb? So I’m going to offer all my Sox friends a hearty apology right now because I really thought Boston would give Werth – a guy who has never topped 100 RBIs in a season and is now on the losing side of 30 – a ridiculous 4- or 5-year deal. Instead, I am tipping my sweat-stained St. Louis Cardinals cap to the Washington Nationals for giving Werth a 7-year deal worth $126 million. Seriously. Seven years. To a 31-year old. Never hit above .300. Only three seasons as a full-time starter. Had the luxury of hitting with Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, Jimmy Rollins, Raul Ibanez, etc. Now, Ryan Zimmerman. Seriously. $18 million per year. Until he’s 38. Seriously.

All dismissive wanking and dumbfounding astonishment aside, I understand what the Nationals are doing here. They needed to make an impact move. They’re still the Montreal Expos and they’re still picked on and disrespected by everyone, including Baltimore Orioles fans. Imagine that you live next door to an unemployed night club DJ, and every morning when you leave for work he comes outside and throws an egg at you. I don’t even know what that means, but I assume that’s what it would be like to live in Washington DC and have to deal with Orioles fans constantly yapping about how it’s their town. Look, my logic probably makes little sense because I’m still three sheets to a Conference USA championship hangover, but I’m having a hard time figuring out how Jayson Werth gets a 7-year deal worth more money than what Matt Holliday makes. Seriously, he’s 31-years old. He struck out 147 times this past season. Adam Dunn is also 31-years old and he struck out 199 times last season for the Nationals. But he also has hit for more than 100 RBIs in six of his 10 MLB seasons. Yet he doesn’t get a new contract from the Nationals. Maybe I just don’t get sports. Maybe this whole life is a lie. I’m so lost and confused. Somebody hold me.