If you’re any type of respectable male – or awesome female – you probably spent your Thanksgiving with a face full of gravy as you shoveled turkey into your yapper while watching 3 more-or-less entertaining NFL games. If that’s the case, you might remember Miami Dolphins linebacker Marvin Mitchell tackling Dallas Cowboys tight end Jason Witten way out of bounds, while somehow not drawing a personal foul penalty. You should remember it because it involved Cowboys cheerleader Melissa Kellerman being tackled and helped up by Witten in quite a gentlemanly display.

Kellerman laughed it off and the cameras followed her smiling shock for a few moments before getting back to yet another Miami choke job. But because of those few seconds, a star was born and people suddenly wanted to know more about Kellerman, and she later took to her Twitter to joke about the whole gigantic man crushing her 100-pound frame ordeal.

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Astute readers will notice that I awesomely didn’t cover last week’s Cowboys drama (aka Werdergate) because I can’t stand ESPN-manufactured non-stories.  However, I am powerless to resist the siren song of birthday party drama.  Yes, even though Terrell Owens made nice with his maybe-alleged conspirators Tony Romo and Jason Witten on TV after Sunday night’s win, Romo and Witten were no-shows at T.O.’s birthday party (which raised money for charity) on Monday night.

Actor Will Smith sent a special birthday message, and rapper Ludacris was expected to perform at midnight. Owens was given the official key to the city of Dallas by city officials [Ed. note: ????].

However, considering the events of the last week… the headliners Monday night were his teammates and coaches. Romo, who is suffering from a back injury sustained against the Giants, was a no-show at press time, along with Witten, who is also nursing injuries.

OMIGOD OMIGOD!!!  Guys!  Jason and Tony totally had their own secret party with Jessica Simpson and, like, other famous people?  And then T.O. said they weren’t there because he didn’t invite those bitches, but then Jason and Tony were all like whatever, we woudn’t want to go to your stupid party anyway.  Totally.  I so cannot wait to see who got voted to the Prom Bowl.

[via FanHaus | MORE: ESPN interview I didn't watch | T.O.'s 33rd birthday party]

these photos were taken from an iPhone from 200 yards away.  Ooh, what a great photographer.  Maybe he can release his bootleg video of the Mountain Goats concert, too.  Jackass.  Buy a telephoto lens and get us some good bikini shots already.