SEXY UPDATE: For those of you that missed the gallery, enjoy. We’ll have more sports shortly.

In today’s reporter-turning-themselves-into-news news, TV Azteca reporter Ines Sainz has complained to Roger Goodell and the NFL that New York Jets players made lewd and suggestive comments at her during the team’s practices she covered in New Jersey. And if you’ve survived the shock of that sentence, there’s so much more. Sainz recently Tweeted en espanol that she was “dying of embarrassment” because of the catcalls she received. Surprisingly, her complaint features no mention of Rex Ryan demanding burritos.

Goodell and his gentleman Gestapo are investigating Sainz’s allegations and the Jets apparently discussed the matters in their team meeting last night. Jets owner Woody Johnson personally called Sainz to get her side of the story. Upon greeting her, he said, “Hello Ines, this is Woody Johnson. Woody, like a boner. Johnson, like a boner.”

ASYLUM POLL: Did Sainz bring that harassment upon herself?

Respect my blogging skills for the quality of my dick jokes and not for the size of my bulge, NY Daily News:

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In 2004, then-Miami Dolphin Jason Taylor embarked on a journey of word-swapping with New York Jets fans, starting a bitter feud by calling them ignorant, making fun of their loyalty, and especially trading barbs with Jets superfan Fireman Ed. In 2009, Taylor further expressed his discontent for the Jets when he said that he’d strongly consider retirement before he ever played in green and white. But Taylor won’t let seven seasons of outspoken hatred get in the way of him begging Jets fans to love him now that he’s practicing daily in front of New York faithful.

Taylor inexplicably turned down an offer from the Dolphins, then lied about never receiving an offer from Miami, and eventually signed with his bitter rivals and Rex Ryan, who he has also openly criticized for his arrogance. For now, the Pro Bowl defensive-end-turned-linebacker is trying his best to turn boos into cheers, even staying late after practice sessions to shake hands and sign autographs for as many Jets fans as he can. You know, despite them taking the “CL out of class.”

Forgive me for my previous sins, ESPN.com:

When Taylor emerged from the tunnel for a practice attended by an announced crowd of 12,000, he braced for a negative reaction.

“This is the first time I’ve been around the fans in a big setting,” Taylor said. “The previous practices weren’t attended like this one was. Out of the tunnel, I was walking with [linebacker Bryan Thomas] and told him on the way out ‘Here come the boos. Watch.’ Sure enough, they came.

“But it makes you smile. At least they know who you are and they’re looking for you.”

Taylor’s new teammates have rallied around the veteran, saying they won’t stand for any of their teammates to be booed by their own fans. Jets nose tackle Kris Jenkins led a section of fans in cheering Taylor at the team’s most recent practice, after which Jenkins made him go over and acknowledge the fans. Later, Taylor gave a note to Bart Scott to give to the pretty girl in the fourth row. Does she like him? Will she check yes or no? I can’t wait to find out!

Pleased with the reception he’s received, Taylor admits it will be nice to not be booed in New York for once. And just imagine when he plays in Miami in Week 4. It’s going to be a regular Roman orgy.

Ed Anzalone, better known as loudmouth New York Jets superfan Fireman Ed, isn’t taking too kindly to the idea that Jason Taylor is reportedly interested in joining the New York Jets, despite the fact that Taylor has frequently expressed his dislike for Jets fans during two stints with the Miami Dolphins. For some reason, the New York Daily News provided the blowhard a forum in which he could ham-fistedly express his displeasure.

“It’s hilarious,” Fireman Ed said. “Let’s be real. This guy hates the Jets. He hates Jets fans more than anything. Put it this way: For him to even try to come here, it has to be two things: Nobody is bothering with him or he wants to win a championship. He wants to hop on board.”

Anzalone said he was on the receiving end of a profanity-laced tirade by Taylor a few years ago, moments after a Dolphins win at the Meadowlands. Taylor, who has referenced Fireman Ed in some of his Jets-related insults, saw him in the stands and let loose.

“That idiot came running over, looking for me, cursing, saying he wants to kick my (butt),” Anzalone said. “I looked at him and said, ‘You see all these kids around here?’ He was acting like a lunatic, acting like a (bleep). Just stupid.” -New York Daily News.

Well, if Jason Taylor once offended Fireman Ed in a meaningless back-and-forth several years ago, I cannot see how the Jets would dare offend some guy who wears a firefighter’s hat to games. That’s commitment to the cause, friends.

If someone were to ask me (which they never do), I think the Daily News is on to something here. The screaming voice of NFL superfans needs to be heard. I would suggest that a Superfan Summit be held annually, where one rabid representative from each fanbase would meet and participate in a roundtable discussion regarding the pressing issues facing the overzealous, maniacal superfan who take their affiliation with the organization far too seriously. There would be Fireman Ed, Crazy Ray from the Dallas Cowboys and even Barrel Man of Denver Broncos fame could be there.

Oh, you say Barrel Man is dead, huh? Well, forget it, then. It was a crazy idea anyway.

Dolphins defensive end/foxtrot extraordinare Jason Taylor will find out tonight if he'll take home that disco-inspired Dancing With The Stars trophy. Jason, if you win, don't take it to minicamp, because Parcells will wipe his ass with it before rubbing the turd-faced gem on under-performing rookies. The man knows how to motivate.

So yeah, Parcells is getting menstral, and Greg Cote of The Miami Herald took time off from pleasuring women everywhere to document as much:

Few players in the NFL have served one franchise longer or with more distinction than Taylor, but the thanks Taylor gets from his new boss is nearly six months of cold shoulder. That's insulting. That's dumb of Parcells. Taylor said on ESPN's Sunday Conversation he is in ''five times'' better shape right now than when he was NFL Defensive Player of the Year in 2006. Forgive him the hyperbole. Now make a short list of Dolphin players you needn't worry in the least about for 2008, either from a production or conditioning standpoint, and who do you rank above Taylor?…Nobody.

Snap! But it's pretty obvious that Taylor (a) probably won't give a shit about football after 2008, and (2) wouldn't mind irritating the new czar long enough to get out of Miami. I mean, it's not like there's anywhere to dance in Miami. 

Dolphins defensive end Jason Taylor is apparently still on Dancing with the Stars, and last night he danced to the Monday Night Football theme.  If you think that doing a samba to the MNF theme sounds like a bad idea, wait until you see his eye black.  I couldn't even look directly at this video.  I watched it with my peripheral vision, because eye contact with my monitor just didn't feel right. 

Right now there are writers for The Office getting fired for not coming up with scenes this awkward. 

Believe it or not, I have a lot of respect for dance.  It's an art that requires all sorts of grace and agility and strength that I don't have.  But when an athlete goes on "Dancing with the Stars," I'm just not going to be all that impressed.  Dolphins defensive end Jason Taylor, for example, does things like speed-rush past a 340-pound tackle to drag down another 230-pound pro athlete, then he goes on this show and judges praise his posture.  "Wow, you were really good at standing up straight!"  Taylor also drew a picture of a kitty cat in front of a house for the old British judge, and he absolutely loved it.  He put it on his fridge and everything.

The other thing I can't stand about this video is the unnecessarily staged reality show bullshit.  "My 'poker friends' gave me this pink tutu, so wouldn't it be funny if I wore it in the dance studio?"  And by poker friends he means one of the show's gay or female producers, because men who play poker don't buy gag gifts for other men unless it's fake dog shit or a singing fish mounted on the wall.  It's a stupid fake gag that adds nothing to the show.  Fuck you, network TV.

[Sports by Brooks]