Current Oakland A and former New York Yankee Jason Giambi told the San Francisco Chronicle that his post-retirement plans could involve “Maybe [being a] bouncer at a strip joint. That’s about all I’m qualified to do.” It appears that Giambi will have at least one taker:
Rick’s Cabaret New York (50 W 33 Street) wants Giambi to know that they will employ him as soon he is ready. “The Rick’s Girls love Jason,” said Rick’s Cabaret spokesperson Lonnie Hanover. “They would be glad to work with him.”
“He may think that he is only qualified to be a bouncer, but we think that he would make a good VIP host,” Hanover explained. “Rick’s is well known as the gentlemen’s club of choice for celebrities and sports stars, and Jason would often see a lot of his old teammates.”
It’s great to have options after retirement. Especially when those options involves scantily-clad women in poorly-lit rooms with overpriced beverages. But I don’t want Jason Giambi anywhere near my erection. There’s a reason that Al Gore invented porn: so we’d have something to find on Google Image Search on those lonely nights. That was Gore, right? Or was it Al Green? I get those two mixed up all the time.
Thanks to a shift that placed Orioles second baseman Brian Roberts well out of the infield, Jason Giambi grounded out to 
right field last night. In his next at-bat, Giambi somehow dropped a hit between Roberts and the right fielder, then made a gesture to let Roberts know that he's #1.
Not bad, Jason. The judges also would have accepted "I GOT YOUR SHIFT RIGHT HERE!" provided you had grabbed your crotch in a matching rhythm with the final two syllables. That's my preferred gesture. Everyone agrees: I'm really good at grabbing my crotch.
[Video: Mr. Irrelevant; Still image: Sportscrack]
Yankees slugger Jason Giambi is having a good time in Las Vegas, where he's finding new and inventive ways around the city's massive cup and glass shortage. The whole city is out of reasonably-sized liquid containers that fit easily into an adult's hand! Call the National Guard — Vegas needs an emergency shipment of rocks glasses!
Honestly, I'm disappointed in these photos. This is shameful partying, and I expect better from Giambi. You can't really expect me to believe that he couldn't find some stripper who would let him pour the Jack on her boobs and then drink it off of them.
Those last place New York Yankees are turning to the storied tradition of nutty baseball superstitions to right the ship in what's looking like an ever more moribund season. Rummaging through his armoir filled with needles anddead strippers, Jason Giambi found just the answer: gold thongs for all. Okay, gold thongs for one, but it can be a communal thing. Less gay that way.
The Yankee slugger revealed Friday he slips on a gold lamé thong with a flame-line waistband when he's trying to get out of a hitting slump - and he's shared it with his teammates.
Posada added that "a lot of players have worn it," but he didn't name names. Asked if the thong got washed between wearings, he gave a cringe-worthy answer. "Ask Jason," said Posada. "Jason is a little strange."
Actually, Giambi does wash them, which strikes an odd note with Posada. You too good for his treadmarks, Giambino?
The Yankees also dropped the two games that didn't get rained out over the weekend to the Mets, so the thong might have lost its magic. Only one way to be sure: Yukon Cornelius needs a quick lick. He'll suss out some fake gold in a snap.
Yesterday, after a reader made a fun little twist on the ridiculous Joey Porter "Prevent Crime" billboard, I put out a call for other PSA billboards you'd like to see. Some of the intrepid readers tried their hand at Photoshop, others brainstormed in the comments. So feel free to take credit for these, but let's be honest: With Leather's Photoshoppeur 289 did the real legwork here. For once.
Anyway, here are the results in one big bukkake blast, because I'll be retiring this gag immediately. The last thing I want to do is get backlash from running a billboard gag into the ground. Not when I've got stripper jokes and dead hooker jokes to re-use.
Several media sources have confirmed that Yankees slugger Jason Giambi failed a drug test for banned amphetamines, which is pretty surprising. Pretty surprising that he only tested positive for amphetamines.
Giambi tacitly admitted last week that he has used steroids, but he failed to mention that he has been caught using other drugs. Because Major League Baseball's amphetamines policy keeps a first positive test secret, however, it is unlikely Giambi will be asked about it when he meets with representatives from commissioner Bud Selig's office, possibly as soon as tomorrow on the Yankees' day off.
Giambi declined comment before last night's loss to the Red Sox, saying, "I can't really talk about anything." Giambi's agent, Arn Tellem, said in an e-mail: "For the record, I'm not commenting."
Whatever Giambi pays Tellem, it's not enough. "Yes, I'd like to go on record as having nothing for the record." Suck on that, Drew Rosenhaus!
Other MLB stuff: The Yankees rebounded from a series-opening win by losing to Red Sox last night. Manny Ramirez and Mike Lowell homered, and Julian Tavarez out-pitched Mike Mussina… The Twins got 13 K's in 7 innings from Johan Santana and two home runs from Justin Morneau to beat the Rangers 7-1… JI - JIM THOME homered to power the White Sox past the A's 10-4.
