In Ringu, the 1998 Japanese horror film by Hideo Nakata that inspired the stateside remake The Ring a few years later, Sadako Yamamura is an hermaphroditic, quasi-oceanic demigod who lives (dead) at the bottom of a well. If you watch the VHS tape she cursed (using projected thermography in an attempt to reproduce), you will receive a phone call saying you’ll die in a horrible and painful way. A week or so later, she climbs out of the well, crawls through your television screen and kills you with a fear-induced psychic heart attack.

Here she is throwing out the first pitch at a baseball game.

The recap, from Twitch:

The ghostly villain of Hideo Nakata’s Ringu, Sadako was the long haired face of the J-horror movement and she turned up in long gown and cleats with her hair draped over her face to throw out the first pitch in a game between the Hokkaido Nippon-Ham Fighters and the Chiba Lotte Marines at the Tokyo Dome in a PR stunt for the upcoming Sadako 3D. She’s an opinionated pitcher, too, shaking off a couple signs before letting one fly.

This is the best J-horror baseball moment since that time Jose Canseco let a ball bounce off his head for a homerun because he was too busy trying to get the little hypothermic kids from The Grudge out of his hair.

Sadly we could never get anything this cool in the U.S. Our umpires miss way more than One Call.

[h/t to Robopanda]

Bobby Valentine has been named manager of the Boston Red Sox. The report, with just the right amount of snark, from the New York Post:

The Yankees-Red Sox rivalry took on an entirely new dimension last night when Boston reached a verbal agreement with Bobby Valentine — who never met a spotlight he didn’t try to outshine — to become the 45th manager in franchise history.

Valentine, according to a source, was flying last night from Japan, where the former Mets manager participated in a charity event and made personal appearances, to Boston to sign a contract. A news conference is expected to be held tomorrow.

Two important things you need to know:

- Keeping in mind that the only real quantitative success the Boston Red Sox have had in the last 100 years was through thinking outside the box with a roster of eccentric personalities, an eccentric personality who thinks outside the box like Bobby Valentine is a great fit at manager. Also, he’s not Terry Francona, who can be be singularly blamed for every Boston-related problem to happen over the last 2-5 years.

- Bobby Valentine doesn’t just give the thumbs up or thumbs down to sandwiches, he invents them. According to Bobby Valentine, Bobby Valentine invented the wrap sandwich when a customer at his Bobby Valentine’s Sports Gallery Cafe ordered a club and the toaster was broken. You can thank today’s Hot Clicks for that little chestnut. Bobby Valentine also invented the chestnut when a hungry squirrel wandered into his restaurant and they were out of tater skins.

Personally I think the best part of the story is that it was broken by Tommy LaSorda, as all good stories are.

Check out this clip from FUJI TV that might as well be a scene from Excel Saga of Japan Sports Reporter Florent Dabadie (who is French, which is why he looks like he’s from Monty Python and sounds like Borat) interviewing the Phillie Phanatic. The Phanatic hits all of his major press tour talking points, like blowing his nose on Florent’s tie, stomping a mudhole in a New York Mets hat and talking about how much he likes to dance. So it’s basically a Chris Brown interview, but with the Mets instead of Rihanna. In case you were wondering, Florent’s Dugout screen name would be ImBlueDabadieDabooda.

Of course, the Japanese need no introduction to the Phanatic because they know his cousin, Slyly of the Hiroshima Toyo Carp. Slyly mupdates and modernizes the technology of the Phanatic by having two party favors in his nose instead of one. Note: to “mupdate” is to update a Muppet.

[Comically-oversized hat tip to The Fightins]

According to a report from Japan’s Yomiuri Giants, former Kansas City Royals pitcher Brian Bannister has responded to last month’s earthquake and tsunami by quitting his job, fleeing the country and quitting professional baseball forever. Apparently he left the country on March 16, and the team is just getting around to finding out about it now.

Bannister is ditching a one-year deal worth $1.8 million signed in January, which means (assuming he didn’t go to Japan until he signed that deal) he stuck it out for almost two months before he got the Fear of God put into him and threw in the towel. The guy is only 30 years old and isn’t especially worse than some of the lower-level starting pitchers still hanging around in the Majors, but he explicitly told Japanese baseball officials he “has no plans to play in either Japan or the United States.” He then added, “SUPER RUNAWAY” and ran off with his arms flailing in the air.

Brian Bannister spent five years in the Major Leagues, and will always be remembered for temporarily playing baseball.

[Japan Times]