JaVale McGee needs to get smart and start destroying people with his naturally occurring biology. (via IASID)

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Links

Sadly, Maria Sharapova Isn’t Running Around Giving Shower High-Fives - She’s just upset that they want pictures with her dog instead of with her. I bet Martina Hingis would high-five me in the shower. [ Brobible]

ROFLMNBAO: The NBA All-Star Weekend Edition - An uncouth linking to ourselves, but Burnsy is hilarious and this feature deserves at least as many comments as the wrestling posts. [With Leather

The World Needs More ‘Eastbound And Downton Abbey’ - Slide 8 is my favorite Kenny Powers quote ever, as if I didn’t already approve of this mash-up. [UPROXX]

5 Reasons Why Jaleel White Will Win ‘Dancing With the Stars’ - The moment the Urkel Dance music starts (“do it! DOOO IT! Evr’ybodaaaaaaaayy…”) I’m gonna lose my mind. [The FW]

The FilmDrunk Interview: Jason Mewes - He speaks some English, but he cannot speak it good like we do. [Film Drunk]

Pledge To Party On St. Patty’s Day & We’ll Donate $1K To Charity - How much will you donate if I pledge to stay at home on St. Patty’s day, watch movies and eat macrobiotic food? [Smoking Section]

30 Rejected Pieces Of Star Wars Merchandise We’d Totally Buy - These are way cooler than real Star Wars merchandise. A Death Star basketball, are you serious bro? [Gamma Squad]

Horrible YouTube Comments Immortalized In Web Series - This comment marked for spam. [UPROXX]

There Was Going to Be a ‘Community’ Porno? Tell Me More - I don’t want to see what they’d do with Leonard, but the Dungeons and Dragons episode would be AMAZING. [Warming Glow]

Steve Martin And Gwyneth Paltrow Feel Very Differently About Their Picture Together - Steve Martin’s face is starting to concern me. You’re a famous comedian, you don’t have to look 35 forever. [Buzzfeed]

17 Crazy/Awesome Japanese Commercials - Not as good as that Taiwanese weather report performed by like 10 girls who are also Power Rangers. [HuffPost Comedy]

Memento’s Brilliant, Beautiful Timeline - DON’T BELIEVE HIS LIES [Unreality]

And here I thought a parody of the Brady Bunch theme was how they’d make me an MMA fan.

Please enjoy this Japanese promo for UFC 144: Edgar Vs. (Florence?) Henderson, which combines South Park’s “Let’s Fighting Love” with animated fight footage and some tried-and-true anime tropes — giant eyes, speed lines and ring girls straight out of Magic Knight Rayearth.

The nerd in me wishes they’d subbed in Lord Il Palazzo for Dana White and maybe had Brock Lensar slowly fill with light and explode when Alistair Overeem kneed him in the spleen, but whatever. I’m just happy with the accuracy of “protect my balls” UFC interviews and Rampage Jackson in the locker room with a couple of 11-year olds.

[via YouTube user UFCStannFan1]

*takes off glasses, wipes single tear from cheek*

It is with a very heavy heart that I report that yesterday, at the age of 26 years and 8 months, Pusuke the Shiba Inu passed away at his home in Japan. Early reports indicate that Pusuke died from natural causes – adorable, furry natural causes. Last December, Pusuke became not only a legend in his own country, but also the world, when he was named the World’s Oldest Dog by the Guinness Book of World Records.

Pusuke is the ninth oldest dog in recorded history, as the oldest dog ever was a 29-year old Australian cattle dog named Bluey. But Pusuke almost didn’t even make it to accept his title last year, as he had been hit by a car and nearly killed only weeks before. You can take Pusuke’s balls, but you can’t take his balls.

As for his final moments…

Pusuke refused to eat and also had difficulty breathing, before peacefully passing away in the afternoon. Ms. Shinohara arrived home just five minutes before Pusuke died, after she was out running errands.

Shinohara, 42, said: “I think (Pusuke) waited for me to come home.

“I was with Pusuke for 26 years and I felt as if he was my child. I thank him for living so long with me.”

(Via Digital Journal)

The great Jack Donaghy once said, “For God’s sake, if we can put an ear on a mouse’s back, we can certainly make a peacock immortal.” I like to think that goes for dogs, too.

At With Leather we aren’t afraid to bypass an actual sports news story in favor of videos of kittens being adorable at sports (usually all from Buzzfeed), and today is no exception — please ignore those 100 allegations of whatever and enjoy watching these baby cats fawn over a Japanese figure skater. You don’t really need more information than that, and should already be enjoying it.

This is where I’d share a story about my cat doing something similar, but the only time Jumbo notices the television is when I’m trying to switch up Batman and Catwoman in Arkham City. Maybe I should watch more figure skating. Or get more cats.

Bobby Valentine has been named manager of the Boston Red Sox. The report, with just the right amount of snark, from the New York Post:

The Yankees-Red Sox rivalry took on an entirely new dimension last night when Boston reached a verbal agreement with Bobby Valentine — who never met a spotlight he didn’t try to outshine — to become the 45th manager in franchise history.

Valentine, according to a source, was flying last night from Japan, where the former Mets manager participated in a charity event and made personal appearances, to Boston to sign a contract. A news conference is expected to be held tomorrow.

Two important things you need to know:

- Keeping in mind that the only real quantitative success the Boston Red Sox have had in the last 100 years was through thinking outside the box with a roster of eccentric personalities, an eccentric personality who thinks outside the box like Bobby Valentine is a great fit at manager. Also, he’s not Terry Francona, who can be be singularly blamed for every Boston-related problem to happen over the last 2-5 years.

- Bobby Valentine doesn’t just give the thumbs up or thumbs down to sandwiches, he invents them. According to Bobby Valentine, Bobby Valentine invented the wrap sandwich when a customer at his Bobby Valentine’s Sports Gallery Cafe ordered a club and the toaster was broken. You can thank today’s Hot Clicks for that little chestnut. Bobby Valentine also invented the chestnut when a hungry squirrel wandered into his restaurant and they were out of tater skins.

Personally I think the best part of the story is that it was broken by Tommy LaSorda, as all good stories are.

Nothing’s ever gonna keep ‘em down.

Links

Yes, The Karate Kid Turned 50, You’re Old - Someone should make a prequel to the sequel that uses the same actors (and a CGI Pat Morita) to explain what happened between when Daniel won his trophy and that “live or die” stuff that went on in the parking lot. [Film Drunk]

‘Women Struggling To Drink Water’ Is The New ‘Women Laughing Alone With Salad’ - Further proof that we are pretty f**ked as a society, unless this is some sort of Mel Brooks tribute. [UPROXX]

A Compendium of Cool Comics Cosplay: November 4th - Women in meticulously put-together Gamora costumes #cangetit [Gamma Squad]

PoV: Michael Jackson, The Crip - Study question: If the Internet and Twitter had been around when Michael Jackson released ‘Off The Wall’, would he have been able to survive it? Imagine if Bieber released a Justin Timberlake album today. [Smoking Section]

Louis C.K. Tells Conan That He’ll Sell His Next Comedy Special Online For $5 Via Paypal - I still feel weird whenever I see people refer to Louis as “white people” comedy, or say that you could only get it if you’re white. I feel like that’s the worst condemnation ever. Jeff Dunham is white people comedy, Louis C.K. is just a funny guy who is great at speaking. [UPROXX]

More Bill Murray Fan Art From Last Night’s “Please Post Bills” Exhibit - Needs more The Razor’s Edge and Cradle Will Rock related art. Dude was in more than Ghostbusters, people. [UPROXX]

“What Is a Threesome?” - “Something that makes your crazy girlfriend crazier and eventually ruins everything, but is super, super fun”, Alex. [Warming Glow]

The World’s Fastest Computer is Japanese, Kinda Scary - Like that guy in Kenya, but with magical powers. [Gamma Squad]

10 Nifty Google Easter Eggs That Will Amuse You - I don’t know why the “do a barrel roll” gag made me so happy, but it did. I’m going to give up blogging and just play Star Fox for a living. [Buzzfeed]

Adult Swim’s Internet Treasures - Hopefully “the JenniCam archives, complete with video of that time she had sex with her Chewbacca-ass boyfriend on cam” show up in here somewhere. I can’t be the only person googling for that every month, can I? [Adult Swim]

Kittens Take Over Classic Rock Album Covers - Yes, Internet, you’ll like this. [Popcrush]

Tim Burton Wanted Ray Liotta To Play Batman - He should’ve gotten Liotta to be Batman and Kevin Costner to be The Joker, then had Liotta throw batarangs right-handed and pissed everybody off. [FARK]

Taylor Lautner’s Senior Quote - This is a joke, but if the real one was anything less vague than “believe in yourself” I’ll sit down and watch all 15 Twilight movies right now. [High Definite]