In Ringu, the 1998 Japanese horror film by Hideo Nakata that inspired the stateside remake The Ring a few years later, Sadako Yamamura is an hermaphroditic, quasi-oceanic demigod who lives (dead) at the bottom of a well. If you watch the VHS tape she cursed (using projected thermography in an attempt to reproduce), you will receive a phone call saying you’ll die in a horrible and painful way. A week or so later, she climbs out of the well, crawls through your television screen and kills you with a fear-induced psychic heart attack.

Here she is throwing out the first pitch at a baseball game.

The recap, from Twitch:

The ghostly villain of Hideo Nakata’s Ringu, Sadako was the long haired face of the J-horror movement and she turned up in long gown and cleats with her hair draped over her face to throw out the first pitch in a game between the Hokkaido Nippon-Ham Fighters and the Chiba Lotte Marines at the Tokyo Dome in a PR stunt for the upcoming Sadako 3D. She’s an opinionated pitcher, too, shaking off a couple signs before letting one fly.

This is the best J-horror baseball moment since that time Jose Canseco let a ball bounce off his head for a homerun because he was too busy trying to get the little hypothermic kids from The Grudge out of his hair.

Sadly we could never get anything this cool in the U.S. Our umpires miss way more than One Call.

[h/t to Robopanda]

What you’re supposed to get from watching this video: Bobb Sapp is fighting Mariusz Pudzianowski at KSW 19 on May 12.

What you actually get from watching this video: A sinus headache, followed by the assumption that Bob Sapp is a megalomaniacal Japanese super villain who can’t properly eat eggs, can punch a pillow so hard it explodes and stole his best trash talking bits from that part in The Goonies where Corey Feldman puts his tongue through a painting. Also, he’s fighting someone named Mario.

Of course, no matter how dumb this video is (or how sad Bob Sapp gets, because seriously, all I see when I look at him now is two minutes of Bobby Lashley throwing humping elbows) it’s an episode of ‘Cosmos’ compared to that horrible “how to rape a lady and get your dick bitten by a transsexual” thing Rampage Jackson pulled last week. It’s easier for me to accept the “it’s just a joke” defense when it’s a guy biting eggs and laughing like M. Bison.

The Seattle Mariners have just finished opening Major League Baseball’s 2012 season by splitting a two-game series against the Oakland Athletics at the Tokyo Dome, and the only one of the coolest things to come out of MLB’s foray into Japan is the story of how Mariners infielder Brendan Ryan took his girlfriend up to the sky deck on the 90th floor of Mori Tower under the ruse of a nicely-dressed tour and proposed to her.

Ryan’s comments on the event, via MLB.com with a hat tip to Sportress:

“I had this planned for quite a while,” said Ryan. “Once I heard we were going to Japan, I figured it was a pretty cool opportunity. Then MLB heard about it and stepped in and rolled out the red carpet for us and it was just awesome.

“We got up there at sunset so it was starting to get dark and you could see the lights of the city and the Tokyo Tower was lit up,” he said. “It was perfect.”

You can check out a video with a few additional comments after the jump, but be warned: while I don’t think you’d have a reason to already, you may never be able to hate Brendan Ryan again.

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I was conducting my daily routine of Googling “cheerleaders” among other words, when I came across the above banner image that was taken a few weeks ago. Instantly, my head went into game show mode and I asked myself this million dollar query:

What the hell is actually going on in this photo?

A) The Tokyo Stock Exchange is the happiest place on Earth.
B) Linsanity is at an all-time high, with cheerleaders practically being mauled at courtside.
C) Moments later… TENTACLES!!!
D) These guys are at a job fair.

And shocked I was, as I read all about how the organizers of a job fair in Japan earlier this month hired cheerleaders to get the thousands of unemployed men hyped about walking in circles, handing their resumes to indifferent strangers who probably aren’t actually hiring, and giving that one look that begs without words, “Please… please help me reclaim my dignity.”

Then I thought back to the last job fair I went to and man, cheerleaders would have totally made that Enterprise GM telling me to “Piss off” so much better.

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JaVale McGee needs to get smart and start destroying people with his naturally occurring biology. (via IASID)

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Links

Sadly, Maria Sharapova Isn’t Running Around Giving Shower High-Fives - She’s just upset that they want pictures with her dog instead of with her. I bet Martina Hingis would high-five me in the shower. [ Brobible]

ROFLMNBAO: The NBA All-Star Weekend Edition - An uncouth linking to ourselves, but Burnsy is hilarious and this feature deserves at least as many comments as the wrestling posts. [With Leather

The World Needs More ‘Eastbound And Downton Abbey’ - Slide 8 is my favorite Kenny Powers quote ever, as if I didn’t already approve of this mash-up. [UPROXX]

5 Reasons Why Jaleel White Will Win ‘Dancing With the Stars’ - The moment the Urkel Dance music starts (“do it! DOOO IT! Evr’ybodaaaaaaaayy…”) I’m gonna lose my mind. [The FW]

The FilmDrunk Interview: Jason Mewes - He speaks some English, but he cannot speak it good like we do. [Film Drunk]

Pledge To Party On St. Patty’s Day & We’ll Donate $1K To Charity - How much will you donate if I pledge to stay at home on St. Patty’s day, watch movies and eat macrobiotic food? [Smoking Section]

30 Rejected Pieces Of Star Wars Merchandise We’d Totally Buy - These are way cooler than real Star Wars merchandise. A Death Star basketball, are you serious bro? [Gamma Squad]

Horrible YouTube Comments Immortalized In Web Series - This comment marked for spam. [UPROXX]

There Was Going to Be a ‘Community’ Porno? Tell Me More - I don’t want to see what they’d do with Leonard, but the Dungeons and Dragons episode would be AMAZING. [Warming Glow]

Steve Martin And Gwyneth Paltrow Feel Very Differently About Their Picture Together - Steve Martin’s face is starting to concern me. You’re a famous comedian, you don’t have to look 35 forever. [Buzzfeed]

17 Crazy/Awesome Japanese Commercials - Not as good as that Taiwanese weather report performed by like 10 girls who are also Power Rangers. [HuffPost Comedy]

Memento’s Brilliant, Beautiful Timeline - DON’T BELIEVE HIS LIES [Unreality]

And here I thought a parody of the Brady Bunch theme was how they’d make me an MMA fan.

Please enjoy this Japanese promo for UFC 144: Edgar Vs. (Florence?) Henderson, which combines South Park’s “Let’s Fighting Love” with animated fight footage and some tried-and-true anime tropes — giant eyes, speed lines and ring girls straight out of Magic Knight Rayearth.

The nerd in me wishes they’d subbed in Lord Il Palazzo for Dana White and maybe had Brock Lensar slowly fill with light and explode when Alistair Overeem kneed him in the spleen, but whatever. I’m just happy with the accuracy of “protect my balls” UFC interviews and Rampage Jackson in the locker room with a couple of 11-year olds.

[via YouTube user UFCStannFan1]