Yes, but who’s ACTUALLY #1? Stop lying to me, Cardinals
Ya know, I’m not asking for much. When the NFL playoffs get down to the final eight teams — four of the final seven games we get all year — all I ask for is that the teams look like they’ve spent a week (or two) preparing for a really important playoff game. Three of the four away teams won this weekend, but I can’t even enjoy the upsets because everybody played like such underwhelming dogshit. Some quick looks:
- Ravens 13, Titans 10 — “No, you win the game.” “No, you win.” “No, YOU win.” “No seriously, take it, goddammit.” True, the Titans got screwed by the non-delay of game. But it’s hard to feel sorry for a team that shot a liquid stream of shit into their pants any time it came anywhere near the red zone.
- Cardinals 33, Panthers 13 – The 9-7 Arizona Cardinals, who went 3-7 against teams not in the NFC West this year, will host the NFC Championship Game. Ladies and gentlemen, meet your Super Bowl XLIII Champion, [AFC team].
- Eagles 24, Giants 11 — This was like the Ravens-Titans game, but with more field goals and not as close.
- Steelers 35, Chargers 24 — Wow, a game that was semi-well-played and closely contested. For a half. Then the Chargers — no doubt fired up by Norv Turner’s halftime speech — held the ball for all of 17 seconds in a third quarter during which they had more turnovers than offensive plays. That was fun to watch. **slits wrists**
But who sucked the worst? Well, actually, that one is pretty easy to answer. It’s not even close.