You know, for some reason I thought Ndamukong Suh transmogrifying from the Bob’s Big Boy to humiliate the Cleveland Browns was going to be the best part of this video, but no, in the very next scene he uses a Spirit Bomb to attack Jay Cutler (which, while hilarious, doesn’t seem necessary … you had to break out the Spirit Bomb to defeat Jay Cutler?). And somewhere near the end, Suh gets put in a circus cage as punishment for killing Evan Dietrich-Smith, dismembering him and eating his bones, complete with Resident Evil 1 blood spray. A part of me wishes it’d actually gone down like that, just to see what the NFL would do.

I felt weird sharing the animated Taiwanese reports for the Jerry Sandusky thing, so I’m happy they’re back to making ridiculously-layered-with-reference mountains out of sports blurb molehills. I also love that they can animate someone being killed and eaten but can’t make the numbers on the football jerseys the right size.

Detroit Lions tackle Ndamukong Suh is no stranger to trading paycheck money for Blitz: The League 2-style necksnapping and ballpopping. The league fined him $7,500 for his hit on Jake Delhomme and 15K for his forearm strike (or “two-hand shiver”) to the back of Jay Cutler’s sad head.

Friday night’s game between the Lions and the Cincinnati Bengals happened, and Suh did not react kindly to Richie Cunningham in the pocket. Take a look for yourself.

The NFL hasn’t released any official statement on the hit or the fine, but Ndamukong’s Twitter update has given us an important clue. See if you can figure it out.

Read the rest of this entry »

The Lions and Browns are generally awful, but every now and again they manage to awkwardly fumble around until they have an exciting game against each other. Jake Delhomme is plenty familiar with awkwardly fumbling, a language in which he’ll be fluent in after a season as the starting quarterback for the Cleveland Browns. Unfortunately for Delhomme, the pain that comes with playing for Cleveland has already started. Detroit rookie Ndamukong Suh almost ripped his head off Saturday night, forcing many people who enjoy cocaine to politely ask him if he would ‘relax.’

You know what they say, there’s nothing fixes a case of the Mondays like watching someone’s neck nearly get broken. Video after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

It only took a year and $42 million for the Carolina Panthers to realize what the rest of the world already knew: Jake Delhomme is finished. The Panthers sent Delhomme–arguably the face of their franchise–unceremoniously packing.

The Panthers are still on the hook for nearly $13 million in guaranteed money from the contract extension they gave him last spring, but making the move now keeps them from suffering any salary cap consequences because the NFL has entered into an uncapped year.

In the short term, the move clears the way for Matt Moore to take over as the starter, after he was given the highest restricted free agent tender Wednesday. It also opens the door for more speculation for other quarterback moves, as they’ll obviously be in the market for at least one in free agency and/or the draft. –Boston Herald.

It’s hard to feel bad for a guy that’s going to clear eight figures for sitting on his ass, but didn’t Delhomme deserve just a little bit better than this? Granted, the Panthers gave him a chance to recover, and he did anything but. For a guy that played in (and almost won) a Super Bowl, that 5-interception game against Arizona two years ago almost seems like an unfair legacy. Almost.

Carolina Panthers wide receiver Steve Smith has shown the occasional flash of questionable judgement over the course of his NFL career, but he seems to be right on the money with this assessment of his quarterback. Jake Delhomme received the oddest of pep talks when he returned to the bench after throwing one of his four interceptions Sunday:

“Hey, I know you feel like crap. I mean, you’re not a very handsome guy anyway, so. But, the performer, the quarterback … I never really liked you as a quarterback. But as a person, that’s who I love. I love you as a person.” via.

I really have no idea what this means, other than it’s Smith possibly suggesting that he and Delhomme run away to Hawai’i and get married. But yeah, Delhomme kinda sucks right now. And this guy just signed a $42 million extension in the offseason. Still, it’s nice to know that Steve Smith is always down for a little Bojanglin’.

One of the biggest arguments about the huge rookie contracts is that veterans typically have to settle for less money. And while Jake Delhomme may not be earning Matt Ryan Money, his newly-signed extension with the Carolina Panthers puts him in better shape than most guys coming off a 5-interception playoff game in January. From SI.com, the one place where Cris Carter has all of his sports news read to him:

The deal [five years, $42.5 million] includes $20 million in guaranteed money and clears much needed salary-cap space for Carolina. Delhomme was to count for more than $10 million under the cap next season in the final year of his deal.

The move also gives the Panthers some room under the salary cap, weighed down by Julius Peppers’ one-year tender worth $16.7 million.

I guess this means that the Panthers aren’t drafting Matt Sanchez now. It’s too bad. North Carolina would have just fallen in love with that guy.