…sort of. They’re holding their cheerleader tryouts for the upcoming season, and the NFL’s third-youngest franchise has loads of fresh-faced talent from which to choose. But I love how the judges for these things aren’t serious dance instructors, but typically radio DJs and semi-famous people from that city. I’ll know I’ve made it up to the F-list when I’m asked to sit in and judge one of these things. Yes, turn to right, please. Okay, and to the left. And back to the right for just a second. Okay, great. Do you know any showtunes? Look lady, I WILL DECIDE what’s part of the competition, alright? It’d be like a Miss America pageant on ritalin. More pics after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

UPDATE: Del Rio apparently is staying in Jacksonville. Until he gets fired next year, at least…

The former Southern Cal linebacker has about 15 million reasons to scoff at Southern Cal’s head coaching vacancy. That’s the amount of the buyout (over three years) from his contract with the Jacksonville Jaguars, who finished 7-9 this year in a fairly competitive AFC South division. But the Turds In Teal only won lost five of their last six, and Del Rio was thought to be interviewing for his job this week, despite the hefty price tag. Turns out that he was–in LA.

Of course, Del Rio will deny everything until the ink on his deal with Southern Cal is dry, and that’s fine. Everyone can get all worked up about how dishonest it is to lie about taking a job when you already have one, but that’s the game. Because saying that you’re going to leave one job without having another one locked down is stupid. Do we really expect these guys–who earn their keep by outsmarting the opposition–to do anything less?

Now, why Del Rio would skip out on $15 million for a Pac-10 program that’s about to be fist-fugged by the NCAA is anyone’s guess. Yes, it’s his alma mater, and even if it came under sanctions, it’s easily one of the ten best jobs in college football. Just don’t expect him to spell out his intentions to anyone with a tape recorder. That’s not the way that this game is played.

Peyton Manning threw four TDs while not cheating on his wife and leading the Colts to a 35-31 win over the Jacksonville Judge Advocate Generals last night, 35-31. The game featured 714 yards of total offense, as both defenses were complacent and probably were thinking about holiday shopping. I know I was.

“This was an old-time shootout at the OK Corral,” Colts coach Jim Caldwell said.

Jacksonville had a chance to win it in the closing minutes, but David Garrard overthrew Mike Thomas on a third-and-10 play with about a minute to play. Jacob Lacey intercepted the ball, and the Colts ran out the clock. –Y! Sports.

So now the Colts are 14-0, which is pretty good for a dome team with no real competition in their division. The Jaguars, Texans and Titans have all struggled this season in their own special ways, but the Jags still had a shot at controlling their own postseason destiny. Not any more.

But Peyton also took over another title: most marketable athlete. Now that Tiger Woods is putting divorce lawyers on speed-dial after his parade of whores, it’s time we all stare at Peyton and wait for any women that he might have nailed out of wedlock to come forward. With the Colts already having locked up home-field advantage through the AFC playoffs, it’ll be the only drama Colts fans will enjoy for the next two weeks.

When former Rams wide receiver Torry Holt sat down to shake-and-howdy with the Jaguars’ press, asked him about the jagged middle finger on Torry’s left hand. If you’ve eaten anything within the last hour, you might want to sit this one out. If Holt’s index finger points to high noon, his crooked finger points to 9:45. Which might help explain why he gets to the ball so much earlier than anyone else. Seriously, I don’t know whether to yank that finger back into place or hang my coat on it. Suddenly I don’t feel so freakish for having a penis shaped like a U. Thanks, Torry!

|Blatantly stolen from Maj, FrumpZilla, via Jacksonville.com|

The Jacksonville Jaguars just unveiled a new wordmark and new uniforms, and (surprise!) they’re not new at all. The team helmet, while black-but-green-where-the-light-hits-it, appears unchanged. Aside from that, the new look is clearly a step backward. These new unis being unveiled are just so boring; I’m expecting the next team’s new duds to have pockets and the word “PINK” splashed across the ass.

Also getting a new uniform? Former Jags receiver Jimmy Smith, who was busted on felony cocaine charges. And I thought his days as a possession receiver were over. Wokka wokka wokka!

Jags wide receiver and noted white athlete on drugs Matt Jones was arrested yesterday for violating terms of his drug treatment program. Jones tested positive for alcohol, violating the terms of the probation to which he agreed after being arrested for possession last July.

Terms of Jones’ drug treatment program call for participants to abstain from drugs and alcohol, and individuals are tested randomly for the substances. Positive results from Jones’ alcohol test came in late last week, and he appeared in court Monday to face Judge Mary Ann Gunn, who presides over the drug court, about the positive result.[...]

Jones’ entrance into the Washington County Drug Court stems from an incident last July in which Fayetteville police arrested the former first-round draft pick after seeing him inside a parked car allegedly cutting up cocaine with a Foot Locker discount card.

Jones had the choice of spending ten days in jail or six weeks in rehab. He chose jail, meaning that that Foot Locker card got him 75% time off. it’s a crafty move, really. It’s so much tougher to get laid in rehab.

|Florida Times-Union, via KSK|