In this post, you learn that a man in a 90s-themed plush jaguar costume wearing sunglasses and pawprint shorts is better at sports than you. Also, he’s better at golf than most golfers.

At a 2-handicap, Jaxson De Ville (who is seriously named “Jaxson De Ville”) is easily the most complexly athletic anthropomorphic and radical-to-the-max jungle cat in pro sports. As the mascot for the Jacksonville Jaguars he’s done everything from in-stadium bungee jumping to jumping a BMX bike through fireworks, so it shouldn’t be surprising to see him golfing his furry ass off during Players Championship week.

And yet …

As E. Michael Johnson noted in his Golf World Monday piece, [Curtis] Dvorak has been the Jaguars’ mascot (Jaxson De Ville) since 1996, and during Players Championship week, he had the opportunity to caddie the back nine on Wednesday for Jim Furyk.

As the group approached the 17th hole, Dvorak was challenged by Andres Romero’s caddie, Adrian Monteros, to hit the shot to hit the island green in full-on costume. Taking a little less club, Dvorak stood over the ball and laced a perfect 8-iron onto the green, drawing a cheer from the crowd. (via Devil Ball Golf)

Your move, Dinger the Dinosaur.

By way of Sports Grid comes the latest in Fans Going Woo technology — a Godless machine captioned by the New York Islanders that can fire 12 t-shirts into the crowd in five seconds. Check out those fans at the bottom of the picture … that’s exactly how you should react to a t-shirt gatling gun.

Now, you may be saying to yourself, “I could hold 12 t-shirts in my arms and just toss them into the crowd at once, taking less than five seconds and not requiring any semi-automatic technology”, and to that I say COMMUNIST, GET HIM and tackle you. Apparently t-shirt gatling guns aren’t anything new, as the first comment on Sports Grid explains that the Jacksonville Jaguars have been using one of these for a few years, so maybe the Islanders haven’t commandeered the first t-shirt machine gun, just the first one to ever be fired at fans.

All we need now is for someone in the Insert Sports Team Here Fun Bunch to create a t-shirt shotgun than can fire a fine spray of extra small shirts and my desire for pro hockey to be a first person shooter will be complete.

[h/t to Sportress]

I probably have a few million first world complaints that I keep to myself for the sake of not being struck by lightning, but if I had to throw one out there, I’d say that Kate Upton doesn’t Tweet enough fun pictures of her and her friends. And no, it’s not because I like to sit in a dark room and photoshop myself into those pictures, despite what any court documentation might say. But when Kate does Tweet pics of her random adventures, it proves one of my oldest theories – life must be good for a gorgeous 19-year old supermodel.

Kate, a huge New York sports fan, recently toured the newest additions to Madison Square Garden and I’m sure it was the greatest thrill of her life. Must have been a million times better than those lame ass trips to Caribbean islands and sitting front row at anything on this planet that has a front row. But she Tweeted the pic of her and her friend Lizzy Glynn having fun so who am I to complain?

Oh, and if you weren’t aware, Kate was also photographed for Diddy’s new coffee table book about the female posterior, fittingly titled, “Culo.” I happen to have her contribution after the jump, as well as this week’s Wild Card Wednesday. Join me, won’t you?

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"And the Today Show is like 4 hours long, but by the end they're just hammered."

After an 8-8 season in 2010, Jacksonville Jaguars owner Wayne Weaver told the team’s coach, Jack Del Rio, that he would either lead the team to the playoffs in 2011 or he’d be canned. And after the Jaguars failed to defeat Matt Leinart and T.J. Yates on Sunday, Del Rio has indeed been douched. Del Rio was 68-71 with the Jags, and I think I speak for NFL fans everywhere when I say, “What the hell took so long?”

Actually, that’s easy to answer. Weaver gave Del Rio a ridiculous 5-year extension back in 2007 and he was too cheap to buy him out and admit a mistake when the ship immediately sank in 2008. So of course it came to the surprise of no one when it was finally announced, especially not Del Rio’s players, who will gladly admit that they suck.

“We kind of buried ourselves this year and for him to take the fall for that, all of us probably feel bad for that,” Jaguars tight end Zach Miller said. “I know me personally to see him go, it sucks. there’s no other way to put it. I like Jack, he’s been good to me. Great guy. And he’s a good coach. It’s an unfortunate situation for him.”

(Via Florida Times-Union)

Del Rio seems like one of those guys that you are just so indifferent about that you don’t like him or hate him, but if you’ve watched the Jags at all over the past 5 years, you should know that he never had a chance. An 11-5 finish in 2007 made it seem like good things were coming, but beyond Maurice Jones-Drew, this team never had an offense that was going to win anything.

But this is probably good news for Del Rio, too, because he won’t be unemployed for too long. He’ll get another shot to prove he’s a good coach that was bogged down by a terrible team, just like John Fox did in Denver. And Del Rio might not even have to move too far, as there will probably be two jobs opening in Florida soon. You know, if he’s cool with that whole terrible team thing again.

SUPER BIG NEWS UPDATE: Weaver has sold the Jaguars, apparently, to Shadid Kahn… KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHN! Word is written agreements will keep the Jags in Jacksonville. Yeah, because written agreements can’t be changed.

The Jacksonville Jaguars are on pace to have their season opener against the Tennessee Titans blacked out. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers, despite going 10-6 last season, are still having the same old problems selling tickets, so their games are going to be blacked out this season. And now fans of the Miami Dolphins, after almost 40 years of disappointment and two decades of playing without a quarterback, are staying home, too.

The Dolphins also plan to make it clear to their fans that tickets sales for regular-season games are not going as well as the team would like and that could mean blackouts of several meaningful regular-season games are about to happen.

Several home games on the regular-season schedule — starting with the Week 2 game against Houston — are so far from being sold out that the club is warning fans the only way to see them might be to buy tickets. (Via The Miami Herald)

But wait a second guys, can’t the Dolphins at least come up with some terrible gimmick ideas to try to sell some extra tickets? You know, something that will completely backfire and piss off even their most loyal fans?

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Jacksonville Jaguars Maurice Jones Drew was one of a smattering of NFL stars that took to Twitter on Sunday to question the intestinal fortitude of Jay Cutler. For his trouble, MJD received death threats from Bears fans, to which MJD replied, “I was just playin’, yo.”

“I never attacked him, called him soft or a sore loser,” Jones-Drew in a telephone interview Monday. “I never questioned his toughness. I think people took my joke out of context. I was taking at shot at Florida fans.”[..]

Bears fans turned it on Jones-Drew, with many pointing out that he missed the final two games of the season even though the Jaguars were in the AFC postseason hunt. Others said they hope he blows out his knee this season.

Jones-Drew played all season with torn meniscus in his left knee, saying there were days when he would wake up and not be able to walk. He learned the severity of the injury during training camp — he basically had bone scraping against bone — but tried to keep it hidden because he didn’t want opponents taking shots at his knee.

–AP, via Press Coverage.

Just joking? I don’t buy that at all, but I’m in favor of whatever keeps the crazies at bay.

The speculation on Cutler’s health was fueled by the lack of any announcement of injury during the broadcast, and by the fact that Cutler was able to stand upright on the sideline while Todd Collins fluttered in the wind. Okay, so the jury’s still out on whether Cutler’s a huge p#ssy. So what? If we can jump to conclusions about whether or not an NFL star raped a woman, assaults a bouncer at a strip club, shoots his unborn child, incurs a DUI charge or severs the head of his ex-wife’s alleged lover, why are we getting all worked up over a damn knee?