Major League Baseball in Florida has turned into my family. Its young people are out of control and don’t care about anything, and the only people with any hope of paying attention to them or teaching them anything are 80 years old and from a repressive old school and are about to die. Enter: 80-year old “Trader” Jack McKeon, the second oldest manager in the history of baseball behind Connie Mack. He’s turning the Marlins around with his unique brand of smoking and “not liking the way they run”.

Of course, “being old” is the second easiest way to be the topic of a Dugout. The first is to beat up your girlfriend or wife! Today’s Dugout follows.

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If you don’t watch pro wrestling, you’re missing out on athletic moments like this, when a Hawaiian Tropic model jumps in the air and takes down one half of a set of twins with nothing but her crotch and gravity. Two other things you’re missing: fake fighting, and my weekly Best and Worst reports about Raw. This week’s was pretty good, and if I don’t shill it to people who don’t like wrestling, I’m never going to have someone get upset about my “Mark David Chapman shot on John Lennon” joke.

Sports

The Best and Worst of Raw: Power to the People - For those of you who read Best and Worst, I’m looking for some survey feedback. Should I do more of these? Cover Smackdown or maybe (gasp) Impact Wrestling presents IMPACT? Maybe Best and Worst of older shows? Would anybody read that? [With Leather]

Dana White Loves Sunglasses, Prince Valiant Haircuts - In the event that you hate wrestling too much to even laugh at it, here’s a bunch of pictures of the President of Ultimate Fighting Championship looking like a member of my family in 1978. [Cage Potato]

Vancouver Riots Kissing Couple on ‘The Today Show’ - If the Internet had been around 70 years ago, that kissing sailor would’ve been dissected for patriarchal normativism (or whatever) and put on every Flour Brand Presents Radio Hour in the country. I just wanted the guy to be like “I saw they was breaking stuff, and I just got so horny”. [Uproxx]

Jack McKeon is Old - He sure is! Read all about it! That old guy, I mean honestly! [Pineriders]

Not Sports

Christina Hendricks as Wonder Woman? - I hate to be the one to say it, but for as cool as Joan is, an nonathletic 36-year old with huge boobs is not the ideal Wonder Woman. At the same time, neither are those waifish plastic surgery cases like Megan Fox people are always suggesting. For once, give me a “butt kicking heroine” who actually looks and acts like she could kick someone’s butt. [Gamma Squad]

Insane Clown Posse Will Sue You If You Make Fun of Them - F**king litigation, how does it work? I’m surprised that anybody who booked Vampiro to wrestle at their clown-themed rap music soda convention for like ten years can do anything more complex than flail around in their own urine. [Uproxx]

This Week in Statutory Everything - Percy Wetmore from The Green Mile marries a pop singing 16-year old who looks like the hooker with the saggy boobs from “Futurama”. I mean, I believe she’s 16, I just don’t believe IT. [Warming Glow]

Paul Blart: Zookeeper Rocks the Rom-Com Lean - That lean is the number one way to keep me from seeing your movie. For about five years I thought Matthew McConaughey grew up in Yogi’s Cave and just walked around leaning like the Smooth Criminal all day. [Film Drunk]