Usain Bolt has won gold in the 200 meters, setting a new world record of 19.30 seconds to become the first man to ever set records in the 100 and 200 in the same Olympiad.  Ever.  He also joins some guys named Carl Lewis and Jesse Owens in the ranks of people who have won both races at the same Games, and to top it all off his surname is freaking Bolt.  Talk about nominative determinism.  Just don't try to run for president, Usain.  Jamaican Fox News would have a field day with that first name.

In other Olympic updates, the men's basketball team cruised past Australia 116-85 to reach the semifinals.  A loss and a win, and we can get bronze again!

Photo: Getty Images 

Swimming — Holy hell.  After trailing the entire race, Michael Phelps (right) found time for an extra stroke and out-touched Peter Cavic for gold in the 100m butterfly.  That would be seven gold medals in a single Olympiad, something accomplished only by Mark Spitz until now.  Afterwards, Bob Costas interviewed Phelps and Spitz (who appeared via satellite), and it was a big circle jerk of greatness.  "No no no, YOU'RE the greatest."  Credit Spitz for being classy as he passed the mantle over.  He still looks weird without the mustache, though.

Track – Usain Bolt smashed the 100-meter record with a jaw-dropping time of 9.69 seconds, claiming gold for Jamaica and the title "World's Fastest Man."  But not the title "World's Fastest Man at Masturbating."  That still belongs to you, chump.

Basketball – Team USA kicked Spain's ass out of the gym, winning 119-82 as their three-point shooting finally kicked in.  Suck on that, Spain.  That'll show you.  Racism is our tradition, dickbags.

Heidi Krieger won gold in the shot put at the 1986 European championships.  Eleven years later, Heidi got a new name (Andreas) and a new gender — the result, Krieger claims, of the steroids young Heidi was given by her coaches.  From CNN:

He says he had been fed so many steroids by his coaches without his knowledge that physical and emotional problems began.

The young woman's physique changed drastically, as did her feelings. "I felt much more attracted to women and just felt like a man. But I knew I was not lesbian," Krieger told CNN.

Drugs that make you feel attracted to women?  Ah-HA!  The East Germans found a cure for the gay!  What a tremendous day to be a Republican!

CREEPY UPDATE: Now with super-disturbing video, after the jump.    [story via Sports by Brooks] 

Yesterday we got our first glimpse of Paraguay's Leryn Franco, an Olympian javelin thrower who has essentially zero chance of winning a medal but a two thousand per cent chance of idiots saying something like "she can grab MY javelin" or "I'd spear her!"  As if anyone that unfunny could possibly have a "javelin" that has speared anything besides a microwaved cantaloupe.

Wikipedia says that Franco finished second in both the Miss Paraguay and Miss Bikini Universe competitions in 2006.  But since it's Wikipedia I'm kinda dubious.  I mean, I've prayed for years and years for a Bikini Universe, but that doesn't mean it actually exists.

Anyhoo, here's a gallery.  I included a couple of the photos from her calendar that everyone is enjoying so much, but the rest are brand new to the blogosphere.  And go ahead, say that the photos are brand spanking new.  You'll be the cleverest asshole in your cubicle.

Many sports fans sat up and took notice of Paraguay's Leryn Franco, a javelin thrower, when she appeared during the Olympic opening ceremonies (this picture).  Well, Reuters has a mind-blowing story about Franco and other attractive athletes that claims that — sit down, this is gonna come as a shock — attractive athletes are more marketable.

Leryn Franco, 26, a javelin thrower from Paraguay, is competing in her second Olympics at Beijing, thanks to her second career, modelling. "Modelling is a way for me to continue with my sport, the hours are flexible, and you can earn good money through photographic modelling and the catwalk," Franco told Reuters.

But [SI.com's Richard] Deitsch said for hard-core sports fans the appearance or sex appeal of an athlete might make them more interesting, but only if they were winning at their sport. He said two good examples of sports stars who had used their looks to build a brand were English footballer David Beckham and Russian tennis player Maria Sharapova.

Oh yeah, good call, Dick.  And don't forget about Brady Quinn and Anna Kournikova, either.  Who can forget that time they won… uhhhh… something. 

[Sports by Brooks]

According to my estimates, NBC has approximately 2,765 heartwarming puff pieces prepared for the Olympics.  What we don't see are the ones that get scrapped when the lynchpin of the story falls apart.  Here's Comedy.com's take on a shot-putter who made it to the top with no formal training.

I can't really add a lot of commentary on scripted pieces like this, so… does anyone else find Comedy.com's domain name just a little presumptuous?  I would have gone with kindafunny.com or mildchuckle.com, just to keep expectations in check a little.