During a game against the Philadelphia 76ers, Detroit Pistons coach John Kuester got ejected for arguing a call and yelling a lot. The appropriate response by the players would be…. well, I’m not exactly sure how you should react when your coach screams his way off the court, but I don’t think laughing is the right answer.

Now, obviously this could be similar to a Derek Anderson situation (IT’S NOT FUNNY), but whether the Pistons were laughing at Kuester getting kicked out or not, it’s a very good summation of how Detroit has been this season. Nothing has really gone right for them, players supposedly skipped practice, then they didn’t, Rip Hamilton yelled at Kuester and they’ve been plain bad with a 22-39 record.

Good thing the Red Wings are doing well and sitting in second place in their conference! If you’re from Detroit though, and you don’t like hockey, I guess you could just keep watching this commercial over and over again until baseball starts. How many more days until Miguel Cabrera makes DH stand for “Drunk Hitter”? That would get baseball more fans; make one guy in the lineup drunk and play. I’m on my way to your house right now, Bud Selig.

To the excerpt!

Forced to retire in October 2005 because of knee pain, Houston briefly tried a comeback last year with the Knicks. He didn’t join the team until 10 days after practices began following the birth of a child, then played in only one exhibition game before ending his long-shot bid to make the team.

He’ll be there from the start this time, but making the roster would still be difficult. Now 37, Houston hasn’t played in an NBA game since 2005 and would have to show that his knees can handle the running involved in new coach Mike D’Antoni’s uptempo system.

Houston will also wear No. 14, provided he actually stays on the team long enough for the equipment staff to stitch his name on a jersey. That’s assuming Allan doesn’t do it himself; I’m sure that retirement has helped his needlework improve immensely.

[Yahoo! News]

In sexy picture-related news, Olympic spearchucker Leryn Franco is reportedly dating Serbian tennis star Novak Djokovic.  Machochip translates this bit from Mundo52:

“Djokovic looks to his new partner as if she were a trophy,” said one of the Argentine athletes. “Is it official? Yes, of course. They go hand in hand everywhere,” he says. The romance he’s referring to is that among the world’s number three tennis player and the beautiful athlete Paraguayan Leryn Franco.

So is it true?  Sure, whatever.  Frankly, I was just looking for an excuse to link to this gallery of Leryn, which was freakin' amazing until that website's server went down.  Just keep clicking on it, maybe it'll work later today.  What, like you've got something better to do?  You're already reading blogs at work, don't act like you've got the President on line 2.

When it's not busy sending emails threatening litigation to websites who dare try to showcase Olympic videos, or ignoring China's blatant fabrication of gymnasts' ages, the International Olympics Committee is shitting on one of the most compelling athletes of these Games.  IOC president Jacgues Rogge didn't take kindly to Usain Bolt flaunting his easy victories, even though Bolt is the first person in the history of mankind to set world records in the 100 and 200 at the same Olympics.

"That's not the way we perceive being a champion," Rogge said… "I understand the joy, [but] you don't do that. But he'll learn. He's still a young man." [...]

"He still has to mature," Rogge said. "I would love him to show more respect for his competitors. That's not the way we perceive being a champion. But he will learn in time. He should shake hands with his competitors and not ignore them. He'll learn that sooner or later. But (he's) a great athlete, of course."

Rogge added that Michael Phelps was "pretty good, I guess" as he rolled his eyes and made a wanking gesture. 

[Also see: The Sporting Blog] 

I suppose a more accurate headline for the marginally attractive Paraguayan javelinette would be LERYN FRANCO CAME IN SECOND TO LAST, considering that's where she actually finished in the competition.  She didn't get out of the qualifying round and her best throw was 12 meters shy of her personal best.  But when you think about it, she finished first in my heart, and isn't that what really matters?

Another good headline would have been PENULTIMATE FINISH, ULTIMATE BOOBS.  That's pretty much the entire story.  It could have saved me from busting my ass to write seven whole sentences.  I'm exhausted.

Photo: Getty Images 

Seriously, this is an amazing race.  It's one thing to hear that he set a world record, but to watch him destroy the field is jaw-dropping.  I understand copyright law is going to disagree with me here, but there's really no good reason we should have to wait another nine hours for NBC to let us see it.  I'm gonna get sued now, aren't I?  Dammit. 

UPDATE: Those IOC lawyers are good at their jobs. 

Usain Bolt has won gold in the 200 meters, setting a new world record of 19.30 seconds to become the first man to ever set records in the 100 and 200 in the same Olympiad.  Ever.  He also joins some guys named Carl Lewis and Jesse Owens in the ranks of people who have won both races at the same Games, and to top it all off his surname is freaking Bolt.  Talk about nominative determinism.  Just don't try to run for president, Usain.  Jamaican Fox News would have a field day with that first name.

In other Olympic updates, the men's basketball team cruised past Australia 116-85 to reach the semifinals.  A loss and a win, and we can get bronze again!

Photo: Getty Images 

Swimming — Holy hell.  After trailing the entire race, Michael Phelps (right) found time for an extra stroke and out-touched Peter Cavic for gold in the 100m butterfly.  That would be seven gold medals in a single Olympiad, something accomplished only by Mark Spitz until now.  Afterwards, Bob Costas interviewed Phelps and Spitz (who appeared via satellite), and it was a big circle jerk of greatness.  "No no no, YOU'RE the greatest."  Credit Spitz for being classy as he passed the mantle over.  He still looks weird without the mustache, though.

Track – Usain Bolt smashed the 100-meter record with a jaw-dropping time of 9.69 seconds, claiming gold for Jamaica and the title "World's Fastest Man."  But not the title "World's Fastest Man at Masturbating."  That still belongs to you, chump.

Basketball – Team USA kicked Spain's ass out of the gym, winning 119-82 as their three-point shooting finally kicked in.  Suck on that, Spain.  That'll show you.  Racism is our tradition, dickbags.

Heidi Krieger won gold in the shot put at the 1986 European championships.  Eleven years later, Heidi got a new name (Andreas) and a new gender — the result, Krieger claims, of the steroids young Heidi was given by her coaches.  From CNN:

He says he had been fed so many steroids by his coaches without his knowledge that physical and emotional problems began.

The young woman's physique changed drastically, as did her feelings. "I felt much more attracted to women and just felt like a man. But I knew I was not lesbian," Krieger told CNN.

Drugs that make you feel attracted to women?  Ah-HA!  The East Germans found a cure for the gay!  What a tremendous day to be a Republican!

CREEPY UPDATE: Now with super-disturbing video, after the jump.    [story via Sports by Brooks] 

Yesterday we got our first glimpse of Paraguay's Leryn Franco, an Olympian javelin thrower who has essentially zero chance of winning a medal but a two thousand per cent chance of idiots saying something like "she can grab MY javelin" or "I'd spear her!"  As if anyone that unfunny could possibly have a "javelin" that has speared anything besides a microwaved cantaloupe.

Wikipedia says that Franco finished second in both the Miss Paraguay and Miss Bikini Universe competitions in 2006.  But since it's Wikipedia I'm kinda dubious.  I mean, I've prayed for years and years for a Bikini Universe, but that doesn't mean it actually exists.

Anyhoo, here's a gallery.  I included a couple of the photos from her calendar that everyone is enjoying so much, but the rest are brand new to the blogosphere.  And go ahead, say that the photos are brand spanking new.  You'll be the cleverest asshole in your cubicle.