Allan Houston just re-signed with the Knicks. Now any other blogger would say “the joke writes itself here, I thought Isiah Thomas got fired, huh-huh,” but that’s not the dimension of humor that I really appreciate, so I’ll write a joke anyway. John McCain and Allan Houston walk into a bar and McCain asks, “How do you get white kids to stop jumping on the bed?” And Allan replies, “White kids can jump?”
To the excerpt!
Forced to retire in October 2005 because of knee pain, Houston briefly tried a comeback last year with the Knicks. He didn’t join the team until 10 days after practices began following the birth of a child, then played in only one exhibition game before ending his long-shot bid to make the team.
He’ll be there from the start this time, but making the roster would still be difficult. Now 37, Houston hasn’t played in an NBA game since 2005 and would have to show that his knees can handle the running involved in new coach Mike D’Antoni’s uptempo system.
Houston will also wear No. 14, provided he actually stays on the team long enough for the equipment staff to stitch his name on a jersey. That’s assuming Allan doesn’t do it himself; I’m sure that retirement has helped his needlework improve immensely.
In sexy picture-related news, Olympic spearchucker Leryn Franco is reportedly dating Serbian tennis star Novak Djokovic. Machochip translates this bit from Mundo52:
“Djokovic looks to his new partner as if she were a trophy,” said one of the Argentine athletes. “Is it official? Yes, of course. They go hand in hand everywhere,” he says. The romance he’s referring to is that among the world’s number three tennis player and the beautiful athlete Paraguayan Leryn Franco.
So is it true? Sure, whatever. Frankly, I was just looking for an excuse to link to this gallery of Leryn, which was freakin' amazing until that website's server went down. Just keep clicking on it, maybe it'll work later today. What, like you've got something better to do? You're already reading blogs at work, don't act like you've got the President on line 2.
When it's not busy sending emails threatening litigation to websites who dare try to showcase Olympic videos, or ignoring China's blatant fabrication of gymnasts' ages, the International Olympics Committee is shitting on one of the most compelling athletes of these Games. IOC president Jacgues Rogge didn't take kindly to Usain Bolt flaunting his easy victories, even though Bolt is the first person in the history of mankind to set world records in the 100 and 200 at the same Olympics.
"That's not the way we perceive being a champion," Rogge said… "I understand the joy, [but] you don't do that. But he'll learn. He's still a young man." [...]
"He still has to mature," Rogge said. "I would love him to show more respect for his competitors. That's not the way we perceive being a champion. But he will learn in time. He should shake hands with his competitors and not ignore them. He'll learn that sooner or later. But (he's) a great athlete, of course."
Rogge added that Michael Phelps was "pretty good, I guess" as he rolled his eyes and made a wanking gesture.
[Also see: The Sporting Blog]
I suppose a more accurate headline for the marginally attractive Paraguayan javelinette would be LERYN FRANCO CAME IN SECOND TO LAST, considering marginally attractive Paraguayan javelinette would be LERYN FRANCO CAME IN SECOND TO LAST, considering that's where she actually finished in the competition. She didn't get out of the qualifying round and her best throw was 12 meters shy of her personal best. But when you think about it, she finished first in my heart, and isn't that what really matters?
Another good headline would have been PENULTIMATE FINISH, ULTIMATE BOOBS. That's pretty much the entire story. It could have saved me from busting my ass to write seven whole sentences. I'm exhausted.
Photo: Getty Images
NBC chose not to air Usain Bolt's historic record-setting 200-meter performance online so that Bob Costas and company could be the "first" to air it during tonight's coverage. But the thing about the Internet is that they kinda have it all over the world, and other countries actually televise the events as they happen. So here's the video in some European language (via record-setting 200-meter performance online so that Bob Costas and company could be the "first" to air it during tonight's coverage. But the thing about the Internet is that they kinda have it all over the world, and other countries actually televise the events as they happen. So here's the video in some European language (via TSB), which should last a couple more minutes until the IOC's lawyers go after YouTube. Once that happens, I'll switch it over to Awful Announcing's version in German. Then if that doesn't work I'll switch it over to the Buzzcuts player.
Seriously, this is an amazing race. It's one thing to hear that he set a world record, but to watch him destroy the field is jaw-dropping. I understand copyright law is going to disagree with me here, but there's really no good reason we should have to wait another nine hours for NBC to let us see it. I'm gonna get sued now, aren't I? Dammit.
UPDATE: Those IOC lawyers are good at their jobs.
Usain Bolt has won gold in the 200 meters, setting a new world record of 19.30 seconds to become the first man to ever set records in the 100 and 200 in the same Olympiad. Ever. He also joins some guys named Carl Lewis and Jesse Owens in the ranks of people who have won both races at the same Games, and to top it all off his surname is freaking Bolt. Talk about nominative determinism. Just don't try to run for president, Usain. Jamaican Fox News would have a field day with that first name.
In other Olympic updates, the men's basketball team cruised past Australia 116-85 to reach the semifinals. A loss and a win, and we can get bronze again!
Photo: Getty Images
