Distinguished gentleman reader Mark was good enough to send this in; there’s nothing like an Italian TV commercial for baseball’s world cup that compares an outdated national pastime to one of the greatest military gaffes of the 20th century.

But the invading Americans taught the locals baseball! So, Italian ad agency Link came up with this, uh, “men-in-uniform” parody of the day’s deadly doings. via.

Complaining about the media bestowing praises of “courage” and being a “warrior” while our country is at war has been overplayed. That said, this spot picked a topic too serious to turn on its ear for anyone to appreciate it. Surely, there are prudish PC types in Italian ad agencies that would have shot this idea down, yes? Too bad Kevin Youkilis wasn’t in this commercial. Or in that war, really. We could have used another guy to run 60 feet and then get totally owned.

Knicks rookie Danilo Gallinari scored a career-high nine points in Monday night’s win over the Bulls, but he wasn’t happy with the way the Knicks’ in-house PA announcer treated his Italian heritage.

After each of his four baskets, the Knicks’ long-time public address announcer Mike Walczewski, using a thick Italian accent, said “Daneeelo Gal-lin-ar-ay” and then the Italian songs “Volare” or “That’s Amore” were played.

When asked about hearing his name, Gallinari said: “I need to talk a little bit with them about that. Because it’s not so good, the pronunciation. I will talk about that. As for the music, no, not so good.”

Gallinari then added, “Ay!  Why you make-a fun-a Danilo?  I score-a points.  I make you pizza.  What did Daneelo do to you?”  Then he harassed and followed an attractive woman for two blocks before going back to his mother’s house.

So, wait.  What was the problem again?

[FanIQ / FanNation]

Ladies and gentlemen, the best player in Italy’s Serie A, Zlatan Ibrahimovic.  This says more about Italian soccer than all the thousands of words I’ve ever written about the plodding boredom that is the hallmark of both Serie A and the Italian national team.  And I say that as someone who actually likes soccer.  Just imagine how much more you could hate soccer if you focused on Italy!

On a more serious note, that’s the ugliest chick I’ve seen in a long time.

[AP Photo via Kickette]

SSC Napoli have been a surprising upstart in Italy’s Serie A this season, but many of its excellent young players have been targeted by Premiership teams in England.  And Napoli team president Aurelio De Laurentiis, having grown tired of the constant transfer talk, has issued a grave warning as to why his players should stay in Italy.

“If they want to go to England then in the end they’re going to go, but they need to understand this: the English live badly, eat badly and their women do not wash their genitalia. To them, a bidet is a mystery.”

As much as I despise Italian soccer and Italian men, I have to give Aurelio some credit for building a solid argument.  The lifestyle and the food are way better in Italy than in England.  And yeah, the women are light years hotter, too.

But the stinky vagina card seems a bit unfair.  Everyone knows British chicks’ panties evaporate when they see a guy kick a soccer ball.  And I’m sorry, but I refuse to believe Keeley Hazell’s hoo-hah smells like anything but flowers and honey.  With a hint of bacon.

[Dirty Tackle]

A Serie C (minor league) soccer player is claiming that he is regularly paid for sex with several players at the national team-level and in Italy’s Serie A.  Raise your hand if you’re surprised.  Yeah, me neither.  From the Daily Mail:

A player named only as ‘Victory’ claims he has been the lover of 12 well-known top flight stars… ‘I charge 1500 euros (£1300) and the players pay up no problem… They just want to relax and they don’t have any problems kissing me on the mouth. But they are all terrified of being found out…

‘I have about 30 clients who are footballers and I would say that a dozen are Serie A and national team players – several times I have been asked to take part in group sex sessions…

‘Players from the same team and my friends and it is always just for sex. They all know I am a footballer as well but they like me because I am discreet.’

Oh yeah.  He’s very discreet.  Why, when he tells the whole world that he’s sleeping with a bunch of high-profile soccer players in Serie A, he doesn’t even name names.  Such restraint.

In all seriousness, and speaking as a soccer fan, Italian soccer gives homosexuality a bad name.  I’d rather watch gay sex than a Serie A game.  Wait.  Uh, I think I probably could have phrased that better.

[Deuce of Davenport]

Look, I didn't WANT this to become a blog about soccer stars going on vacation, okay?  Those stories just happen to have the pictures with the most hot chicks in bikinis, and I'm nothing if not a slave to my principles.  And by principles I mean love of boobs.

Anyway, this is Italian soccer star Francesco Totti surrounded by minxes while he relaxes poolside.  It must be a nice respite from that hag of a wife he has, former showgirl Ilary Blasi.  Why, I can barely tolerate looking at her… for the next three hours.

Honestly, I'm not all that impressed by these photos.  I've been surrounded by girls since I was a kid.  Of course, that'll happen when you're the only boy in ballet class.  Hey, shut up!  I needed an outlet for my prancing!

[Kickette]