Even as the newly-anointed basketball coach for Florida International, Isiah Thomas is still running the same playbook as before; he wants to pull his team out of the “Coaches vs. Cancer” tournament. That tournament has him slated to play against defending national champion North Carolina, and not Ohio State as Thomas and FIU expected:

“We knew nothing about this until the press release from North Carolina today,” [FIU athletic director Pete] Garcia said. “We told them last week we would not change the game and had never agreed to this.”

The group running the tournament respectfully disagrees.

Gazelle Group president Rick Giles said that he has a contract, signed by Garcia, which stipulates that FIU would play either Ohio State or North Carolina, leaving the choice at the discretion of the Gazelle Group. He said that is the way his company has written contracts for 15 years and fully expects the school to honor its agreement. via.

I’m inclined to agree with the group that didn’t hire the same guy that maligned the Toronto Raptors, the Indiana Pacers, the New York Knicks and murdered the Continental Basketball Association while it slept all alone in the pale moonlight. It’s like my dad always said: “Fool me four times, shame on you. Fool me five times, I’m a dumbass.” That explains why he only went to jail four times. You’ve gotta wake up pretty early in the afternoon to fool that guy. first seen.

It’s an Isiah Thomas-Fatso mashup, and that’s really all you need to know. Unless you didn’t know that Fatso was the name of the late Keyboard Cat, who is probably rubbing cat hair all over the freshly creased pants of Billy Mays as he walks through the pearly gates. I know that some of you don’t believe in Heaven, but if it makes you feel any better, I don’t think it exists in the way it’s constantly been portrayed. It’s probably just five Swedish girls huddled around a Playstation 3. That’s it. And hell is just being stuck in one of those changing rooms at a department store, trying on pants for all eternity.

|Hardwood Paroxysm|

The World Of Isaac reminds me that it’s not every day that anyone can make me feel sorry for Isiah Thomas. When Thomas appeared on SportsCenter last night, it was presumed that it would be your stock fluff job, announcing Isiah to the world as a guy that could still find a job coaching basketball. And if that’s not newsworthy, then what the hell is?

But McKendry takes it a step further, and I don’t know if this was over the line or not, but it’s not an “interview” I necessarily wanted to see. But it’s reasonable to assume that (a) Thomas had no idea that he’d be asked to re-hash a sexual harassment suit and an alleged suicide attempt, and (b) McKendry had no intention of giving him the white-glove treatment that ESPN hands out to athletes and coaches of its choosing. This wouldn’t have happened if Isiah was coaching at Duke…although I would love to see that happen at some point.

An excerpt of Thomas’ appearance is waiting for you after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

UPDATE: ESPN is reporting that Thomas will work next season for free. Florida International still overpaid.

Florida International University’s AD Pete Garcia must have allowed himself to be photographed having gay sex in a children’s library with Satan, because that’s the only reason I can muster for his hiring of Isiah Thomas. To coach their basketball team. Not like make copies or fetch coffee or anything, because even that seems out of the man’s skill range.

“Coming back to the college game has always been a dream of mine, and I didn’t want to pass up an opportunity to go somewhere where we can build a basketball legacy together,” Thomas said in a statement.

A beautiful basketball legacy of failure, to be specific. Pete Garcia, I thank you, sir. You’ve just made my job a lot easier come this winter. As for now, I’m at a total loss. Probably because my brain just exploded.

|GameOn| Orig. run 4/14/09

Police reports from last week’s overdose case that happened at Isiah Thomas’s home confirm that the man who received emergency care had stopped breathing.  The name of the patient is redacted from the report, but let’s be adults here: it was Isiah Thomas.  That may get me sued, but whatever, I’m just saying what’s completely obvious.

In the report, a police officer says he went to the former Knicks coach’s home… in response to a report of “[blank] not breathing.” “Upon my arrival I assisted [another officer] who was administering O2 to [blank] lying on the kitchen floor,” the report said…

Authorities have not publicly identified Thomas as the accidental overdose victim, but a person familiar with the case, speaking on condition of anonymity because the police report had not been released, confirmed to the AP that it was Thomas.

Would a little transparency here kill us?  What’s the big deal?  So he had an overdose.  Join the club.  Hell, I tried to drink myself to death last night, but you don’t see me lying to reporters and being all coy with police reports.  Man up.  Take a little pride in your suicide attempts.

The bizarre story of Isiah Thomas’ apparent overdose was finally made a bit more clear yesterday with the help of Newsday scribe Anthony Rieber, who got a detailed account of the Thomas incident from Harrison, NY police chief David Hall. Thomas was allegedly rushed to a White Plains hospital after an apparent accidental overdose on sleeping pills. He then told a NY Post reporter that it was his daughter that had been involved in the occurrence, and not him. But as Police Chief Hall tells Rieber:

”The only thing I can say is maybe he has some stipulation in his contract… if he takes drugs or whatever they may not owe him the $18 million (left on his contract). I have no idea…

So Isiah Thomas, already many times a millionaire, told police his daughter had suffered an accidental overdose. All potentially so he could continue collecting millions of dollars from the team he helped turn into a smoldering tire fire that can be seen from well outside of Earth’s orbit.

Such a charming fellow. Police ruled Thomas’ overdose to be accidental. And, in the wake of this story and Terrell Owens’ accidental OD from two years ago, I have to ask: Do any of these assholes know how to read the instructions on a CVS printout? Jesus. Those aren’t Skittles you’re eating, morons.