I know you're probably already transfixed on the pictocube watching the majesty that is Big Ten football, but the Iowa Hawkeyes and Minnesota Golden Gophers are battling right now to see who will take home Floyd of Rosedale.  Who is Floyd?  Well, it seems to relieve animosity between to the 2 universities, Iowa governor Clyde Herring awarded Minnesota governor Floyd Olson a full-blooded champion pig (and brother of Blue Boy who starred with Will Rogers' in the classic film State Fair – GASP! The Blue Boy?) after the Gophers defeated the Hawkeyes in 1935.  A bronze statue of the heroic swine was cast and given to the winner of the game ever since. What a magnificent tradition! As this marquee match-up between Midwestern powerhouses needed anything more.

And the Big Ten's splendid lore doesn't end there. Ohio State and Illinois play today to capture the wily Illibuck:

lly Illibuck is a wooden turtle trophy presented to the winner of the Ohio State-Illinois football game. Originally the "trophy" was a live turtle when the tradition began in 1925, picked for its long life expectancy as a symbol of the long life of the rivalry. Since the passing of the original turtle in 1927 nine wooden replica Illibucks have been carved, each with the scores from games on its back . . . Another part of the rivalry once included the smoking of the peace pipe between members of two junior honorary societies, Bucket and Dipper of Ohio State and Atius-Sachem of Illinois, which occurred at halftime. This practice has not been done for many years. -Wikipedia

I wonder when they stopped smoking the calumet? I mean on the field. I'm sure several scholars at both of these fine institutions still practice this ritual right before skipping class and devouring 4 lbs. of Taco Bell. -KD

In a thrilling contest between Big Ten powerhouses Illinois and Iowa, Kirk Ferentz's mighty Hawkeyes held on to defeat the Fightin' Illini 10-6 in a Iowa City.  Oh wait, did I say thrilling?  I meant coma-inducing.  I guess it was interesting to watch another Big Ten team lose to a crappy opponent and more importantly, not cover the spread.  If there are any shaman, priests, rabbis, or ministers out there who have a direct line to the Big Guy, please ask Him what I've done to anger Him so.  Obviously, He is suspending free choice of will for the players of the games on which I place friendly wagers just to irk me.  That is the only explanation – there is no way that God is a fan of the bumblebees.  In other news, Ron Zook pushed a cameraman after the game – bravo sir!

Anyway, I tried to find a photo of Capt. Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce duping Lt. Col. Henry Blake (whose alma mater was Illinois) in one of his comedic schemes to represent the gravity of this loss, but this is what I found.  Of course, I only researched the interwebs for 2 minutes, but my favorite episode of M*A*S*H* is on and it won't be replayed on TVLand for at least 3 hours. -KD 

Two wide receivers on the University of Iowa football team were arrested on charges of credit card theft after running up $2000 worth of bills on stolen cards last May.

Dominique Douglas, the Hawkeyes' top receiver last year, and Anthony Bowman were arrested Sunday… Douglas and Bowman made or attempted to make purchases from Hatworld, C&E Fashions and Sneakerhead using credit cards belonging to two separate victims.

Douglas and Bowman attempted the purchases online at computer labs on campus.  Yes, the same kind of college computer labs in which you would have to log in with a specific ID and password that would make it painstakingly easy for police to track.

This is why Big 10 football is falling behind the tougher competition in the SEC.  Not only would SEC fans would never rat out their players like this, but SEC players wouldn't stoop to such a small-potatoes crime like credit card theft.  Not when there's the allure of rape, arson, murder, and rape.  (They like rape.)

[FanHaus]

Rick Majerus may be the next coach of the Iowa Hawkeyes basketball squad if you believe the Mason City Globe-Gazette.  But if you're more of a Cedar Rapids Gazette kind of person, Majerus reportedly denied any interest in the position:

Asked in a phone interview if there were any discussions involving him as Iowa's next coach, Majerus said, “No, no.''  Told there were rumors and reports flying around Iowa that he is replacing Steve Alford as the Hawkeyes' coach, Majerus replied, “No.''  Asked if he had any interest in becoming Iowa's next coach, Majerus said, “What part of no don't you understand?''

Whoa, easy big fella.  Since Majerus is not Nick Saban or Larry Brown, I would tend to believe the rotund coach.  Also, he hails from Sheboygan, WI, and those people usually mean what they say.  Like the time those damn Packer fans told me to to cease impugning Brett Favre's character or they would kick my ass.  I still think "pain-pill popping pussy" is an alliteration worth ten hours in the ER.  (For more on the Iowa coaching search, see Steroid Nation.)

In other Big Ten hoops news, Michigan is very interested in West Virginia's John Beilein.  Expect to see more tattooed white guys who shoot 28 three-pointers a game in Ann Arbor. -KD

Assistant Editor note: This is the best Iowa or Michigan cheerleader picture I could find, so if you have anything better, send it along.  If you truly need need to satisfy your need for hot Big Ten action, check out the M Zone where Wolverines gain a new-found respect for Ohio State.  Study hard ladies!