Last week, With Leather’s 2011 Celebrity Sports Fan of the Year Kate Upton teased us by Tweeting the first shots from her latest fashion shoot with photographer Yu Tsai for Contributor Magazine. Of course, that led to me singing Better Than Ezra’s “Good” for the better part of a day, but it’s always worth it when we have some new Kate photos to appreciate.

On Tuesday, Contributor finally posted the entire shoot, and I’ll just go ahead and state the obvious – Kate is welcome to come clean my house whenever she wants. But as I have a terrible tendency of doing, I started to scroll through the comments on the site’s post, expecting to see the Internet’s battle cry of “Look at this fatty moo cow!” or “Go back to your farm and graze, you fat cow!” or “Oh God, I hate my life so much, time to make fun of this model by lying to myself about how she’s obese!” You know, stuff like that.

Instead, I was actually quite shocked.

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On Monday morning, country music legend Hank Williams Jr. (a man who, as The Daily Show With Jon Stewart pointed out, once fell off a mountain and cracked open his skull so badly he had to hold in his own brain) evoked Godwin’s Law and used the phrase “it’d be like Hitler” to start a sentence about President Barack Obama. This prompted ESPN to pull the singer’s classic “Are You Ready For Some Football?” theme from Monday Night Football, and as of this morning the Worldwide Leader In Football Preparedness decided to pull the song forever. Forever!

“We have decided to part ways with Hank Williams, Jr. We appreciate his contributions over the past years. The success of Monday Night Football has always been about the games and that will continue.”

Hanks response to the firing was the only thing you can write on the Internet more “Internet” than “blank is like Hitler”:

“After reading hundreds of e-mails, I have made MY decision. By pulling my opening Oct 3rd, You (ESPN) stepped on the Toes of The First Amendment Freedom of Speech, so therefore Me, My Song, and All My Rowdy Friends are OUT OF HERE. It’s been a great run.” — Hank Williams Jr

He managed to hit all the best message-boards-and-comments-sections points, like

1. I am extremely popular and get hundreds of e-mails about everything.
2. I’m the only person who makes decisions.
3. I didn’t get fired, I quit
4. Anything that happens to me for saying something stupid is a violation of the First Amendment, also known as “I thought this was America”.
5. I am humble and appreciative despite all the weird mean things I’ve just said.
6. Signing his name to the end of a paragraph identified as being from him, posted on HankJr.com.

The only thing that would’ve made it better is if he’d admitted he was in the wrong a few days before. Wait, whoops!

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So, it turns out Chicago White Sox slugger Adam Dunn is one of those people who starts a random game with me in Words With Friends and resigns with 77 letters left when I spell “taciturn.”

Via CSN/Chicago:

It was Adam Dunn, who recently returned to the game after being disillusioned playing a former teammate who was clearly cheating (how could Dunn tell? “Because this guy is, no other way to put it, dumb”)…

“I was up at 3 a.m., racking my brain trying to figure out a play, and I hit a huge word, 72 points,” Dunn said. “He came right back with ‘Pleiades.’ What the hell is ‘Pleiades?’ Someone plays ‘Pleiades’ on me, I’ll punch him in the throat.”

I learned it from Final Fantasy, you jerk! And Pleiades is a star cluster. You can’t punch somebody in the throat for knowing a word used in a Red Hot Chili Peppers song. I play a lot of Words With Friends (user name Destinys2ndkid, if you want to play) and I’ve come to terms with a few things about it.

1. If you’re cheating, you shouldn’t even be playing. This isn’t NBA Jam, where you put in a cheat code and get to be Bill Clinton. Playing with your brain is the only reason to even be playing this, and anything else is like copying homework you aren’t turning in.

2. Sometimes those stupid words aren’t cheating. For example, I know what “Pleiades” is. I’m an average blogger on the Internet. I also paid attention in school. Not all of us make money showing people what Toby Keith would look like if he struck out 700 times a season.

You can learn a lot of words you don’t know (or words that aren’t words, but count in the game) by playing a lot. For example, I use “za” and “xi” all the time, but other than “an a-bro-viation for pizza” and “a Chinese person’s name” I don’t know what they mean. I just saw someone use the word “noily,” and cheating or not, I now know “noily” is a word and can use it. See how that works? Don’t punch me in the throat.

3. I wonder if Dunn gets upset waiting days for Ozzie Guillen properly spell “remember.”

[h/t Productive Outs]

Google Analytics drives me insane. Instead of just writing jokes and posting pictures of girls, I find myself hunched over a desk, trying to figure out where the words should go for maximum SEO compliance. I study my own tendencies. For example, I use the phrase “In a story that ___” a lot. I also only seem to write about soccer and people running their mouth on Twitter.

So! In a story that brings together my two favorite sports-o-sphere topics, irrepresible bald-boy Wayne Rooney is challenging anonymous Internet soccer fans to fights in real life on Twitter. The issues began when “sam-oldham-LFC” (who may or may not be Chaucer) wrote:

Rooney ya fat whore ill smash ya head in with a pitchin wedge an bury ya with a ballast fork ya fat ugly lil nonse

After cross-referencing the index page and a few international urban dictionaries I’ve deduced that this means “I will beat you up, jerk.” So Rooney reponds with:

haha u know were I train every day kid come and do it good luck

But then the guy says

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