The annual Gathering of the Juggalos event in Illinois is a fascinating spectacle. While the Insane Clown Posse’s Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope have led us to believe that they’re a pair of thugged out, gun-wielding psychos, it turns out that they’re actually two devout Christians trying to spread positive influence through their unique brand of rap music. Of course, their followers, Juggalos, end up interpreting that message in their own way, like domestic violence turkey legs, black market Four Loko, or blatantly selling LSD.

But the Gathering has also been a source of inspiration for a different demographic, namely celebrities at the end of their 15 minutes. Each year, the festival’s organizers release an infomercial to fill us in on the lineup, and there are always a few random celebrities that are begging for one last shred of acceptance. See: Charlie Sheen, MC Hammer, Tom Green, Gallagher, Coolio, Dustin Diamond, Vanilla Ice, Ron Jeremy, and, of course, Tila Tequila, who famously walked around topless during her electro-pop-garbage music performance that inspired the crowd to throw bottles, rocks, and poop at her face.

So who are this year’s Juggalo stars?

Master P, Onyx, The Fat Boys, Bobcat Goldthwait, Jamie Kennedy, and fresh off his release from TNA Wrestling and a domestic dispute, Ric Flair. I guess in order to be the best, you have to now throw feces at the best. Enjoy the 2012 Gathering infomercial after the jump.

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If you don’t watch pro wrestling, you’re missing out on athletic moments like this, when a Hawaiian Tropic model jumps in the air and takes down one half of a set of twins with nothing but her crotch and gravity. Two other things you’re missing: fake fighting, and my weekly Best and Worst reports about Raw. This week’s was pretty good, and if I don’t shill it to people who don’t like wrestling, I’m never going to have someone get upset about my “Mark David Chapman shot on John Lennon” joke.

Sports

The Best and Worst of Raw: Power to the People - For those of you who read Best and Worst, I’m looking for some survey feedback. Should I do more of these? Cover Smackdown or maybe (gasp) Impact Wrestling presents IMPACT? Maybe Best and Worst of older shows? Would anybody read that? [With Leather]

Dana White Loves Sunglasses, Prince Valiant Haircuts - In the event that you hate wrestling too much to even laugh at it, here’s a bunch of pictures of the President of Ultimate Fighting Championship looking like a member of my family in 1978. [Cage Potato]

Vancouver Riots Kissing Couple on ‘The Today Show’ - If the Internet had been around 70 years ago, that kissing sailor would’ve been dissected for patriarchal normativism (or whatever) and put on every Flour Brand Presents Radio Hour in the country. I just wanted the guy to be like “I saw they was breaking stuff, and I just got so horny”. [Uproxx]

Jack McKeon is Old - He sure is! Read all about it! That old guy, I mean honestly! [Pineriders]

Not Sports

Christina Hendricks as Wonder Woman? - I hate to be the one to say it, but for as cool as Joan is, an nonathletic 36-year old with huge boobs is not the ideal Wonder Woman. At the same time, neither are those waifish plastic surgery cases like Megan Fox people are always suggesting. For once, give me a “butt kicking heroine” who actually looks and acts like she could kick someone’s butt. [Gamma Squad]

Insane Clown Posse Will Sue You If You Make Fun of Them - F**king litigation, how does it work? I’m surprised that anybody who booked Vampiro to wrestle at their clown-themed rap music soda convention for like ten years can do anything more complex than flail around in their own urine. [Uproxx]

This Week in Statutory Everything - Percy Wetmore from The Green Mile marries a pop singing 16-year old who looks like the hooker with the saggy boobs from “Futurama”. I mean, I believe she’s 16, I just don’t believe IT. [Warming Glow]

Paul Blart: Zookeeper Rocks the Rom-Com Lean - That lean is the number one way to keep me from seeing your movie. For about five years I thought Matthew McConaughey grew up in Yogi’s Cave and just walked around leaning like the Smooth Criminal all day. [Film Drunk]

Oh, hello, I didn’t see you there. Sorry, since about the middle of last night I’ve been dancing around in circles with a glitter wand, laughing and clapping my hands because (so far) this has been the best baseball season ever. The Tribe scored 19 runs to beat the second place Royals in front of a sellout Kauffman Stadium crowd of two midgets and a severed torso, and it was glorious. I can’t wait until we clinch the division, then move on to tackle steam-powered steroid digger Jose Bautista and his lookers-on in the playoffs.

The only words I know to “Oh Happy Day” are oh, happy and day, but I’m singing it anyway.

Sports

Tribe Offense Piles on 19 Runs to Rout Royals - In case you skimmed that opening paragraph, go read this game recap from a guy who has my dream job: writing about the Indians killing the Royals. Actually, I think my dream job would be writing about the Indians killing the Yankees, but I think it’s the same job. Oh who am I kidding, my dream job is being Lee South and taking cheesecake photos of wrestling girls. Or possibly being Winnie the Pooh at Disney World. [Indians.com]

The 20 Ugliest Caps Licensed By Major League Baseball - This made me laugh out loud, if only for how much I could identify. I don’t think the Tribe hat featured here is ugly, necessarily, but I will be in the cold, dead ground before I wear a baseball hat that isn’t proper baseball team colors. Come for the racism, stay for “Funky Dopetastic.” [SBN]

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