NBA – Hey, a hometeam finally managed to win another game. Seemed like that was never gonna happen in these playoffs. The Pistons led the entire game powered by Antonio McDyess (really? Maybe Keith Van Horn is still worth something!) The Big Three were a big fat 11-for-38 as the storyline of "Celtics suck when they don't have a lead" squeaks past "Detroit thrives on being down". Thursday's proposed storyline of "Boston gets an anonymous letter from its real father, unearthing painful buried feelings and memories" should prove to be a smash.

NHL – The Penguins are doing some excellent bed-shitting, as the Red Wings have jumped to a 2-0 series lead in the Stanley Cup Finals, shutting out the high power Pens attack in the process. Yeah, yeah, Detroit had a decent sports day. Shame it was the 2,723rd horrid regular life day in a row in the Motor City.

MLB – Way to spoil the Detroit sweep, Tigers. 12 innings of scoreless ball with the Angels ends in a walkoff walk surrendered by Bobby Seay…The Mets didn't fire somebody and they still had the nerve to lose a game! Worst. Decision. Ever*…Jamie Moyer somehow manages to get a victory despite the 20 runs of support the Phillies gave him. Moyer said he hadn't seen offense like that since the Hoover administration…Brandon Webb loses two in a row after starting the season 9-0! He's been exposed, says the man of hair-trigger judgment. It's true. Once started, streaks go on forever. Enjoy 9-18, Brandon.

VROOM VROOM CAR GO FAST – Kiwi driver Scott Dixon gets the milk shower following his victory in the Indy 500. Danica Patrick gets the bukkake shower from the sick forest demons of 22nd place.

*Unless they win tomorrow. 

The 91st Indianapolis 500 is currently in a rain delay after 113 laps (282.5 miles) completed.  Because over 100 circuits have been made, Tony Kanaan would be declared the winner if the race cannot be restarted.  Hot rookie Milka Duno crashed in Turn 1 on the 66th lap, and revealed her voice is as melodious as the Chief's maid in the subsequent interview.  (NB: Hit mute when she speaks unless you want to ruin the fantasy.)  As it stands now, the top three places are occupied by members of Andretti Green Racing:

1. Tony Kanaan
2. Marco Andretti
3. Danica Patrick
4. Vitor Meira
5. Dario Franchitti

You know what would be entertaining?  How about lovely Milka and Danica shed their Nomex driving suits and perform slip and slide tricks in front of the grandstand just like MLBers do on the infield tarp during baseball rain delays?  Oh, so I am a lascivious pig am I?  Fine.  You watch as Brent Musburger and Jack Arute exchange glowing odes to A.J. Foyt, and I'll spend my precious time in my worthwhile pursuits.  Like researching the third place driver. -KD