Not only is Retta’s show one of the best on television right now, it’s also one of the most sports friendly. That makes it a perfect fit for Sports On TV, our column dedicated to the best sports moments of shows about something other than sports. This is the first still-on-the-air show we’ve attempted to cover, so if you’re reading this a year from now and are all, “HEY, WHERE’S THE EPISODE WHERE MCKAYLA MARONEY SHOWS UP AND ANDY WINS THE LONG JUMP” or whatever, give us a break, we aren’t time travelers.
With greatest possible love to Retta, Michael Shur, Greg Daniels and the rest of the talented people making my favorite 30 minutes of any given week, here are our 20 favorite sports moments from ‘Parks And Recreation’. I don’t know what this is, but I want you to read all of it.
Since officially becoming a free agent on Wednesday, Peyton Manning is the most popular dude at the desperation party, as basically any team in need of a quarterback is banging down his door. While Manning apparently claimed that he will have a decision made by the end of next week, the Kansas City Chiefs have set the bar with an unknown offer.
Meanwhile, the Denver Broncos are supposedly willing to do whatever it takes to land Manning, and even people in Philadelphia are calling for the Eagles to sign him. And, of course, Miami Dolphins owner Stephen Ross has his checkbook out as he laughs at everyone. So what the hell is really going on? You know, with the guy’s surgically repaired neck and that stuff that sort of matters.
“His risk really is very low,” said Dr. Robert S. Bray Jr., who has worked with NHL star Sidney Crosby and whose DISC Sports & Spine Center provides medical services for the U.S. Olympic team.
“If I was a team, I’d ask, ‘Did (the fusion) heal? Do you have a CAT scan that showed it healed? Is the rest of neck in pretty good shape?”‘ Bray asked. “If those two answers are yes, then it gets down to, ‘OK, get out on the field and show me you can perform,’ because it will only get better from here with time.” (Via the Indy Star)
I’m no NFL general manager, but I assume that all of the guys who are figuring out ways to kill each other to sign Manning probably already asked this question and that’s why they’re doing what they’re doing. But having been a Dolphins fan for this long, I still worry that maybe Jeff Ireland doesn’t put too much thought into something like this and Manning could be rolling around in one of those electric wheelchairs powered by a straw and he’d be like, “So let me tell you why you’d be great in Miami.”
Also, photoshops like this do more harm to my sports sensitivity than they do my hopes…
R.I.P. Peyton Manning - Gone too soon. He was one of the greats! Once we’ve stopped Kony, we’ll never stop remembering you. [KSK]
Peyton Manning Is a Great Tipper - In contrast, Mark Shapiro of the Cleveland Indians once tipped me four dollars on 25. Danny Ferry tipped me 7 on 35. I guess Cleveland sports guys use the tipping chart. [The FW]
The 3 Best DJing Apps Out Now - I downloaded all three of these just so I could walk into a room and yell, “DJ BLUNTZ IS IN THE BUIL-DING!” [Smoking Section]
TV Network Power Rankings: What’s Their Greatest Season Ever? - Every time I read “Power Rankings” I read it as “Power Rangers”, so I got upset when I clicked these and didn’t see Galaxy anywhere. [Warming Glow]
Valve Is Not Making a Game Console. It’s Making Something Better - They’re making a wonderful dream where Half-Life 2: Episode 3 was released four years ago and Valve never beat us to death with delays. [Gamma Squad]
Patricia Heaton (The Mom From ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’) Makes A Staggering A$s Of Herself On Twitter - Hey G-Town Gal: When you become rich, you convince yourself that you “did it right” and everyone else is making ridiculous mistakes! Don’t have compassion or perspective, plz! [UPROXX]
The Improbable Rise And Unsurprising Fall Of LulzSec - The FBI was trying to beat down Tommy Dreamer, but the lights went out, and when they came on SABU HAD MADE HIS RETURN TO THE ECW ARENA. [UPROXX]
AVENGERS ACHTUNG! Downey chews scenery in the German Avengers trailer - My favorite member of DIE AVENGERS is DIE HULK. [Film Drunk]
Will You Be Buying Apple’s New, Improved iPad? - Yes, because I have a girlfriend with brand loyalty and nothing better to buy. [Smoking Section]
The 9 Funniest Former ‘Daily Show’ Correspondents - Never appearing on this list: Aasif Mandvi. Thanks for your weird voice and helping ruin ‘The Last Airbender’, jerk. [HuffPost Comedy]
Brazilian late-night shows are a far sight better than their American counterparts: Exhibit A - Exhibit B, they freaky with big ol’ booties and they thongs? Blue yellow and green! [FARK]
You’re the Vulgarian, You F*ck: Our Favorite Verbal Film Fights | The 2011 Fun Oscars - Robert Guillaume vs. Morgan Freeman in Lean On Me is still my favorite. I don’t have time for Mrs. Elliott’s problem! [Pajiba]
The Peyton Manning “future endeavors” press conference is full of all the awkward man-hugging and loaded questions you’d expect (“what’s your favorite memory?” might as well have been followed by the guy handing Peyton a box of Kleenex), so let’s choose to remember Peyton in Indy the way he’d want us to — with a fan song set to “Desperado” by the Eagles.
Fan songs are a bit of an institution here at With Leather, and while the songs we normally carry are viral pandering or an indescribable kind of awful, this one gets pretty wistful, so don’t be surprised if you catch yourself staring off into the distance.
The only way this could be better is if it cut to a clip of Andrew Luck getting distracted by “Witchy Woman”.
The Indianapolis Colts are holding a press conference at noon today, at which Colts owner Jim Irsay and franchise face Peyton Manning are expected to tell everyone: “Sometimes an owner and quarterback are in love, but they’re not in love.” For the first time since being drafted by the Colts 14-years ago, Manning is going to be a free agent, as Irsay will announce that he will not honor the $28 million roster bonus that Manning is due tomorrow.
Somewhere, Stephen Ross and Jeff Ireland are shoveling pennies into giant potato sacks. But until the Miami Dolphins and New York Jets can spearhead a hilarious public bromancing of the elite QB that at least a dozen teams need, it’s all about reflection, and 13 seasons in Indianapolis.
“Time will take away some of the hurt that comes with leaving the organization,” Bill Polian told USA TODAY. “He will look back on it from a little bit of distance I hope secure in the knowledge that he made an incredible contribution to that franchise.” (Via USA Today)
“After 14 years, I recognize that throwing motion even from a distance,” Polian said. “He looked darn close to the original Peyton Manning.”
And there you have it. We’re mere hours away from the end of an era, and I can only imagine how hard this is on Colts fans, to see the man who pulled them from the sports dumpster and carried them on his back for more than a decade have the door opened for him to finish his career elsewhere.
Man, Colts fans must just be absolutely devastated…
On Friday, a very poor quality video of a guy in a white helmet throwing a football at Duke University showed up on YouTube and people were like, “Well Peyton Manning has a white helmet and he’s been hanging out at Duke, so it must be him!” And it makes sense that it’s Manning, because he has just a few days left before the Indianapolis Colts either owe him $28 million or have to cut him, and because of the new CBA the Colts can’t be at Duke to watch him throw the ball and prove that he’s healthy.
Instead, as the Internet’s greatest sports conspiracy theorists have noted, Manning could conveniently “leak” this video to show Colts owner Jim Irsay that all is good, as they say, in the hood, while also allowing the pack of rabid, quarterback-starved-teams drooling over a free agent Manning to witness his rehabilitation from a fourth neck surgery.
That Manning clan – full of the crafty ones, I tells ya.