*I was very disappointed that CBS Sports used “Bulls on Parade” as their headline this morning. Might have ruined my day. Thank goodness for Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Chicago Bulls 116, Indiana Pacers 89 (Series: 4-1 CHI)

The Bulls finally stopped teasing the poor Pacers with close games and promises of home-cooked breakfast and gave them their bus fare and sent them home. Josh McRoberts was ejected for the Pacers in probably the most exciting non-Bulls scoring highlight, but if you’re going to swing on Joakim Noah at least connect with him so some of us can smile a little.

Derrick Rose was supposedly in a walking boot this week and hampered by – and I believe this is a medical term – a boo-boo on his ouchy footy. But he still dropped 25 on the Pacers to give the Bulls some much needed rest before they find out who they’ll be playing in Round 2. And it’s going to be the Atlanta Hawks.

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Portland Trail Blazers 97, Dallas Mavericks 92 (Series: 2-1 Dallas)

Wesley Matthews was a mad man for the Portland Trailblazers last night. The Marquette alum was smoking hot early in the game and his team-high 25-points were the deciding factor. Of course it helped that LaMarcus Aldridge, Brandon Roy and Andre Miller combined for 52 points, as well, but Matthews was the spark early on.

As for the Mavericks, hoo boy what a bad game. Jason Terry led the Mavs with 29-points and Dirk Nowitzki added 25, but the rest of the team played like their alarm clock never went off. Jason Kidd, Tyson Chandler and Shawn Marion combined for 19 whopping points to secure their day of shame today.

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I’m a little late to the party with my NBA Playoffs orgy of information because I’m lazy. I have no other excuse than that. So I’m going to skip the formalities and make my quick predictions – Heat over Bulls, Thunder over Mavericks*, and the Heat winning it all. I know, it KILLS me to say that, but I’m an idiot who spent a whole season ripping the Heat and them playing the terribly mismatched Philadelphia 76ers is just the spark they need to win the title before the league shuts down for a year.

With that said, here’s a hastily thrown together and incredibly angry recap of last night’s action…

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Shawne Williams, recently waived by the New Jersey Nets for being out of shape, has just been indicted on felony drug charges.  He was busted for possession and conspiracy to sell.  “What was he trying to sell?” you may ask. Usually it’s something like crack, or blow, or weed.  Not if you’re Shawne Williams!  In that case you push codeine cough syrup.

“We brought him in to take a look at him, and (he was) way out of shape … (we) didn’t like what we saw,” Nets interim coach Kiki Vandeweghe said on Friday. “He said he had to go home for some type of medical emergency, for one of his grandfathers or something like that. We sort of made the decision at that time that this wasn’t going to work, so we waived him, and all this other stuff came down. We hope he is OK. We wish him well, but luckily (it’s) not our issue.”–FoxSports.com

His target market must be middle school kids who want to robotrip, because they’re still too scared to drop acid.  Who the hell gets charged with 8 COUNTS of felony possession and conspiracy to sell COUGH SYRUP?  This guy is rough.  He’s 23, and his pro career started in 2006 with the Pacers for 2 seasons.  Then he went to Dallas for a season and what…3 months? before being traded to the Nets where he was dropped almost immediately.  He’s 23 and already considered an EX-NBA player and completely washed up.

NFL — The Vikings are hosed: defensive tackles Pat and Kevin Williams have been suspended four games for using a diuretic banned for its ability to be a masking agent for steroids.  The NFL suspended four other players as well, including running back Deuce McAllister and two other Saints.

NBA — The Pacers shocked the Lakers in Indy, rallying from 15 down in the 4th quarter to win 118-117 on a buzzer-beating tip-in by Troy Murphy (16 points, 17 rebounds).  Danny Granger added a game-high 32 in dealing the Lakers just their second loss this season…  Wizards get their first road win of the season by beating the Nets 108-88… Spurs lose, Spurs lose, Spurs lose: Rasheed Wallace nailed three treys after picking up a technical foul, sending lifting Detroit to an 89-77 victory.

NHL — There were probably some games last night.  I dunno.  I just wanted to bring up the NHL because it’s gonna get its own post today.  So… that’s something to look forward to.

Someone named “Danny Granger” on a team called the “Indiana Pacers” (of the relatively unknown Association of National Basketball) went to Indonesia, where the local populace was tricked into believing he was a huge star.

[Granger] wasn’t expecting this: More than 30 billboards promoting his arrival, police escorts to a sold-out arena, throngs of professional and student journalists asking him questions, and photographers constantly taking his picture.

Or this: The Jawa Pos, one of the country’s biggest newspapers, displaying a full-page photo of Granger in his home Pacers jersey wrapped around a front-page story in what the paper called the “Danny Granger Edition.” [...]

Granger was the lone NBA player to make the trip, and the Pacers’ leading scorer last season relished his celebrity status.

Ah, yes.  The cheers of people from a poor country can give one a sense of euphoria.  But be careful, Danny!  Once you’ve liberated Indonesia from the tyranny of cricket, you better have a plan to create an organized basketball league.  Otherwise NBA player deployments could become much longer and more dangerous.  These are difficult times for the NBA.  I mean, they’ve already bypassed an all-volunteer league and implemented a draft.