When I was in college, I bought a 1987 Ford Bronco that was possibly the biggest death trap that I’ve ever driven. The suspension was shot to crap, but of course I didn’t bother getting it taken care of, because that costs money and so does booze – you do the math. One day I was driving down a four-lane road at about 45 mph and I nailed the curb and got up on two wheels for a pretty terrifying few seconds. And none of that pussy crap matters because over in India, they’re riding cars and motorcycles around something called the Well of Death.

Also known as the Mauth Ka Kuan, the Well of Death is a giant circular vertical wall – or well, if you’re unfamiliar with what that is – built from really crappy wood and metal that is apparently somehow strong enough for psychotic daredevils to drive on in circles at ridiculous speeds. I assume the high speeds are to keep them from falling to their deaths. But it might also be to avoid packs of stray dogs. Who knows?

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This lady’s name is Hatel Dave, and she wants to be a sumo wrestler. That may not sound very womanly, but Dave (What are you doing, Dave?) has some chops at this sort of thing; she placed fifth in the women’s middleweight category at the 2009 World Games in Taiwan. Yes, they had a middleweight category. In sumo. And yeah, she very well could have been fifth out of five.

Unlike America, the 23-year-old’s native India doesn’t raise money for sports that nobody watches, and her fundraising campaign has been tougher than a rush-hour drive through downtown Calcutta.

“They confuse it with the Tata Sumo car, and others just don’t care,” she says.

“It is frustrating sometimes but I hope I am setting a trend for more girls to join in and make this sport more popular here.”[..]

“I would love to go to Japan and play a match,” she muses.

–CNNGo.com

It’s actually reassuring to see young people do things that may not always be cool or social, and I’m all for throwing down while wearing mawashi and polo tops. Usually you have to rush a frat house to do that sort of thing.

As the World Cricket Cup is in full… swing? I don’t know, is that what it’s called over there? Either way, the Cricket Cup is currently taking place in Bangladesh, India and Sri Lanka and if you want to know how your favorite cricket team/squad/crew is doing, then you can refer to coverage like this, this or this.

But here in America, we play a little sport called baseball so we don’t have time for your flat bats and your brooms and your quaffles and your golden snitches. We’re a picky folk, so you better come at us with some steroids or a ridiculous person doing something funny. What’s that, India? You’ve got a creepy guy? All right, now we’re talking.

In the video after the jump, you’ll meet a fan who has either never seen a video camera before or he’s a 7th level demon of hellfire and he’s going to eat your soul for eternity. He’s got a funny mustache, too. And if you’re wondering if this guy is going to be the next Ryder Cup Cigar Guy… you bet your ass he is.

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The McCann Ad Agency in Mumbai recently released the above ad for Shivam handloom deep sleep mattresses, which shows a sleeping Tiger Woods dreaming of a bevy of provocatively dressed white women. There’s also an unconscious cameraman, which references Tiger hitting cameraman Mark Pain in the face with a chip shot at the 2010 Ryder Cup (which also gave us this famous image).

But this isn’t the first time that Tiger’s likeness has been used in clever marketing campaigns. Last year, PETA tried to capitalize on his sex scandal with a billboard emphasizing the importance of spaying and neutering pets near his home in Windermere, Florida. While that campaign was scrapped at the request of Tiger’s lawyers, a few others, including Shivam’s mattress ad, have made their way into the mainstream.

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One great thing about the NBA is its diversity, and it hasn’t gone unnoticed. This past June, it was the only men’s professional sports league to get an “A” for race and gender by the University of Central Florida’s Institute for Diversity and Ethics in Sport. There are great players from all over the world, such as Dirk Nowitzki, Nenê, Pau Gasol and others. The best part? Despite their backgrounds, they all still hate NBA refs! It really is a small world after all!

One country that hasn’t been represented very well in the NBA (and basically all of the four pro sports leagues), however, is the good land of India. The NBA is trying to do their part to change that.

Jeremy Kahn of the New York Times:

This season, the league will play its first regular-season games in Europe, a two-game matchup in March between the Nets and the Toronto Raptors in London. And having conquered China, the N.B.A. has its sights fixed on Asia’s other big emerging market: India.

Like China, India has a rapidly expanding middle class with newfound leisure time and disposable income, factors that Heidi Ueberroth, the president of N.B.A. International, says make the country ripe for new forms of entertainment.

“There is a growing appetite for sports and entertainment and more options in India,” she said.

In a nation where cricket is an obsession, other sports have struggled to find an audience. Cricket’s popularity has been reinforced by the Indian Premier League, which began in 2008. I.P.L. teams play Twenty20, a faster-paced game that has attracted younger fans and billions of dollars in corporate sponsorship.

But in part because the I.P.L. has proved that city-based sports franchises can succeed in India, many sports are betting that they will be able to find new fans and corporate backers here.

The article goes on to talk about how the NBA wouldn’t just be looking to get an audience there but actually look for talent to develop out of the billion-plus people who live there and get them on the road to the NBA.

Out of curiosity, I searched online to see if there has ever been an Indian NBA player. Raja Bell sounds sort of Indian, but alas, he’s from the Virgin Islands, and I realized how judgmental I was. I finally got to Yahoo Answers, which has never led me astray, and from C.L ~Raptors~ I got my answer: “Nope… lol.”

This cannot stand! This must change! We don’t want a Stephen Curry; we want a swingman who loves curry! We don’t need more Kevins and Tyrekes; we want more Anups and Sadiqs! We need a Gibran Hamdan of basketball, except one that isn’t really crappy! I call on you, Indians, to put down your cricket bats, lace up some crappy sneakers, grab a basketball and start practicing layups and boxing out until your aṇḍakōṣa feel like they’re going to fall off! You’ve got Bollywood, let’s get BASKETBollywood! Yes, I know that last sentence, and probably half of this post, didn’t make sense!

Last week, we discussed how some countries like New Zealand were threatening to pull out of the Commonwealth Games because of concerns with piled up garbage, soiled mattresses, collapsing bridges and roofs, and packs of stray dogs and other various animals. I know, total p*ssies, right? Anyway, India’s government told everyone to take a chill pill and trust them to handle it. And handle it they did, because they’ve brought in monkeys to protect the athletes. Pray for Mojo? No, pray for stray dogs.

Indian officials will use the langur monkeys to ward off stray animals, since they are territorial, protective and incredibly violent. That’s great news, and maybe at some point they can send the monkeys to medical school and give them little lab coats and stethoscopes so they can help cure all the athletes who contract dengue fever from the giant piles of garbage that they have to climb over to get to their piss-soaked beds. God I wish I had gone to India for Spring Break in ’01 instead of Cabo.

Make this sound even more awesome than it already is, Los Angeles Times:

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