What a sh*tty statue.

Growing up in Florida, I’ve never known the joy of building a snowman or especially spelling my name in the snow. But something that I didn’t know is that kids in some places that are extremely cold share that problem, as they are unable to sculpt the snow since it obviously turns into ice. Take, for instance, the village of Yolba in Russia, where the below-40 temperature has left the locals with nothing to sculpt. Nothing but hot cow dung, that is.

A building manager by day and dung pioneer by night, Mikhail Bopposov decided that he’d be damned if he was going to let a lack of powder or chainsaws get in his way in making a fun sculpture for the local kids to enjoy during this winter season. So he went out on his farm or ranch or whatever he has and started scooping up the crap from his 17 cows and turned it all into an 880-pound sculpture of a cobra to honor the Chinese Year of the Snake.

Go ahead and soak that whole stinky sentence in.

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I don’t know much about the Russian city of Vladivostok other than it is the largest Russian port on the Pacific Ocean, and I only know that because I found this cool site that has a ton of information on anything you can think of. I’m not going to tell you the name of the site, though, because it’s my little secret. But apparently my ignorance of Vladivostok and Russian culture has kept me blind to what I am now calling the most important competition of the year.

The 2012 Vladivostok Bikini Fitness Open took place just a few weeks ago, and while I am upset that I didn’t get to this in a more timely manner, the website English Russia (simple yet effective, comrades) raises the all important point that the Open “for some unknown reason has not been widely covered by media…” Well, English Russia, I am here to answer your call, much like our two countries worked together to defeat the enemy in Iron Eagle 2. RIP Doug Masters.

And I not only second this statement, but I will slam my fist on my desk in outrage as I scroll through the photos of the hard-working, dedicated women who participated in this *clears throat* fitness competition. They deserve to be known and appreciated for their *clears throat* ambition, damn it.

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In Russia, it’s totally acceptable to dump your girlfriend…from fifteen stories up. Honestly, I have no idea if this is Russia or not, but let’s say that it is. I can barely count to three in English, so this could be one of those 97 countries where it snows all the time and white people are so bored that they’re tossing their ladyfolk over rooftops instead of fornicating with them. You have to nail that down while they’re young, because after they turn 40, they all look like men. That’s a fact. Just ask my dad. Er, um, I mean my mom.

Video after the jump. I won’t ruin the ending for you. That’s a dick thing to do, especially when you consider that Don Draper sleeps with Peggy Olsen and Dexter actually kills Julia Stiles with his sister’s gun.

Whoops! Via Sharapova’s Thigh.

Former NFL superstar Junior Seau drove his vehicle off a cliff after being charged with domestic violence over the weekend. How unusual for an athlete to service his lady first, and then get his.

Details are still coming in: Seau drove his white Cadillac Escalade off a cliff in near Carlsbad, CA, where he was released from a San Diego County jail on suspicion of domestic violence. Seau’s injuries from the crash are not known at this time.

But yeah, there’s your Toonces photoshop. Hope it was worth the wait.

Here’s a Russian goalie showing that his grasp of turf hardness is about on par with that of running his own laundromat. But if I know anything about Russians, I’m sure that he would have made this save in his natural habitat — the driver’s seat of a taxicab. Jeez, those guys drive the same way that they speak English. Anyway, the video of this goalie gaffe is after the jump. The match, by the way, ended in a tie. Yeah, I didn’t really care, either. Read the rest of this entry »